Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family My dad wants to gamble again. I want to cry. I’m desperate. I feel helpless. I don’t know if anyone can help me

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  • #6734

    I beg someone to please read this and help me. I don’t know if anyone can give me advice on how to handle this but if I could be pointed in the right direction on how to handle this then I would really appreciate it.

    To sum it up, my dad is a gambling addict. He’s addicted to day trading and he has lost thousands of dollars on his “strategies” over the past 15 years. I am 21 now and I am just lost. A month ago, he lost around $13,000 and he cried about the lost. We were all crying about it and how his gambling has pretty much cost us so much pain and fighting. I really thought this would be the last time after 15 years of fighting and arguing. We all really opened up about our feelings and I felt relieved when he said he promised to quit but he failed on that promise.

    Today, my mom caught him looking at stock charts again and this is a too often cycle for us. He will quit. Talks about how painful and remorseful he is. Will secretly look at charts over several months. Then tell us that he has to day trade or he will kill himself. Then he plays and loses thousands and it repeats.

    Reddit, I am tired. I don’t know who to turn to and I cry when I write this. I am 21 and I have tried to be the best son for my parents. I have good grades. I am graduating college in 3 weeks and I have a very good shot at going to medical school. I have always tried to be the perfect son but I can’t do anything about my dad’s gambling.

    Tl;dr Dad wants to gamble again and is looking for a new “strategy”. After his last loss, I really thought that this would be the end but it isn’t. I don’t know where to go for help. I am desperate.

    If you’ve read this far:

    Things I have tried:

    – I am considering therapy for him but he doesn’t want to waste money on it. He also speaks Chinese mostly so it’s hard to find a therapist to help as I live in NYC.

    – I have googled this topic and found articles. They suggest therapy or support groups and being reasonable with him. I have listed the reasons on why he should not play but he still wants to.

    – I know this is a disease but I don’t know how to treat it and where to go to treat it.

    – I want to prevent his trigger but activating parental control on his devices to prevent him form looking at charts but he won’t let me.

    #6735
    dunc
    Participant

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #6736
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi SonNee
    I can tell you how I think you should cope with your father’s addiction but sadly nobody can tell you that if you do a or b then you will save your father.
    You are a fantastic achievement in your father’s life; you are a brilliant light among so many failures that his addiction will have brought him and therefore the most important thing you can do for him is to succeed.
    I hope you will write again soon and tell me that you have graduated and that you are going to medical school.
    Your plans for him so far have not resulted in your father waking up to his addiction and when that happens it is time to try something different. Therapy groups and dedicated counsellors are marvellous but getting an active compulsive gambler to appreciate them is another thing. Forcing them to go is a waste of time, they must want to change their lives, or nothing will change.
    I hope that knowing that you are being heard and understood will give you some support. Your father can control his addiction but he has to accept that he owns it first. Maybe you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20-Questions from their website – it might help him to realise that his addiction is recognised and that there is support.
    You could also try https://www.oasas.ny.gov/gambling/index.cfm for support.
    Please keep posting
    Velvet

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