Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family My elderly 80 year old mother is an addict

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  • #6106
    Stella16
    Participant

    My mother’s gambeling addiction started long ago like 5 years ago, but I didn’t know how bad she was in it until I came to live with her in March 2016 after a divorce from my ex who also had a gambeling problem, and gambled everything we had. My mother is digging her own hall, and I am fed up seeing her destroy herself with constantly driving to play slot machines. I made her exclude herself from card casino she signed a legal paper that she want go there for life. Just to continue going to gamble to other Casinos in palm springs or Indian reservation those casinos. I am writing letter to one of them to bend her, but they will not.She blows or her retirement money, and soon will be gambeling out her condo which is paid out. I am sick and tired of her, and fallen in to deep depression medications are making me sick with side effects. I have no one to turn to. I feel lonely sad and hopeless. She continues to scream to me it’s my money I do what I want with it, and I don’t have a gambelling problem there is no more relationship of loving mother and daughter . It’s all anger,sadness and fear.

    #6107
    velvet
    Moderator

    HelloStella

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

    Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

    Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

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    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

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    #6108
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Stella
    I am going away for a week but I will still be facilitating groups on Tuesday evening 20.00 – 2100.00 hours UK time and on Thursday 22.00 – 23.00 hours UK time, it would be great if you could join me so we could ‘talk’ in real time.
    You are understood in this forum, as is your anger and sadness, you are among people who care.
    Unfortunately the only person who can exclude your mother from gambling sites is your mother, just as the only person who can save your mother is your mother.
    Perhaps you could download the 20-questions from the Gambler’s Anonymous website and give them to your mother, she may not realise she has a recognised problem and there is real support for her if she wants it.
    The one person you can save is ‘you’. It is so important that you enjoy ‘your’ life and that you don’t let the addiction of another destroy you.
    I hope you will keep posting, I will be back in a week and will catch up with your posts and as I said I will be facilitating groups on Tuesday and Thursday.
    I too was sick and tired, when the addiction was kicking the life out of me but you can recover your life.
    Please look after yourself
    You are in my thoughts
    Velvet

    #6109
    GoBlue
    Participant

    I feel the same way. My mom is 70 an broke from gambling. I am now on meds to keep me sane.

    #6110
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Stella
    A mother/daughter relationship that is all anger sadness and fear is incredibly unhealthy.
    You are trying to save your mother from her addiction and I am of the opinion that it is better to accept that you cannot save her but to know that you can save yourself, that you do not have to live in the shadow of someone else’s addiction.
    Medication that is giving you unpleasant side-effects is not, in my view, the answer to your difficult situation. You have gone from one sad experience to another and that is enough for anybody.
    Many years ago a friend was told to put her grossly obese mother on a diet, her mother was 84. I remember thinking that maybe at 84 she should be left to indulge herself rather than spend the rest of her life trying to lose the pounds but that was before I became a gambling addiction therapist. I do now believe that a person can change their life at any age but they do need support, however, I do not think that that support has to come from family members who are suffering too.
    I hope that maybe you can separate yourself from your mother screaming at you – do you have to live her? I sense that the best way forward for you is to have time apart, time for you to refresh you battery, time for you to regain your health.
    I have somehow overlooked you and for that I apologise so I am glad that ‘Go Blue’ has brought you to the top. You will see from her post that someone else is sharing the same pain that you are and I know from experience that that it is a big help knowing that you are not alone with your problem.
    Velvet

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