Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #4619
    karyfella
    Participant

    My father has a gambling problem and I am the only one that knows about it, but I have not talked to him about it… I just can’t do it…

    It has been going on for years and it only get worse. Before November last year my dad got around $2,000, and he spent all this money in casino gambling. On December last year he got around $ 900,This money was not entirely to him, It should be divided in three parts $400* to my dad, $250 to friend 1, and $150 to friend 2. The check was paid to my dad and I was who had to transfer from his personal bank account the part was up to each of his partners. He spent almost four days at the casino. The bank account from his friend had a problem and the bank returned to his account the $ 150, my dad took this money and spent it, then he began to evade calls from his friend. The friend of my dad called to my mom and he demand to her that the money will be paid to him while my dad had been dodging his debt.

    Currently, my dad don’t buy anything in my house. All the money he receives he spent in betting houses. I work in my holidays every year because my parents can’t pay me the university, the money that I earn it use to pay my university expenses, but since my dad don’t gives us money to the home expenses, I feel the requirement help my mom with this expenses.

    I don’t know if he is in financial trouble. He goes to the casino after 12pm and he comes home late. I also feel that he is agitated and moody when he comes home.

    In many times, he took money from my mom wallets, sisters wallets and also from my wallet. This money obviously spent in the casino.

    I don’t know how to help him.

    *I live not in USA, but $400 is a lot money in my country.

    #4620
    karyfella
    Participant

    Sometimes, I feel that The only thing that he matters are the bets of the day. I live with the fear of someday to arrive at my house and find not anything, because he needed the money.

    #4621
    worriedmama
    Participant

    You are in a very difficult spot. Gambling addiction thrives on secrecy… everybody knows it’s going on but are afraid to confront the gambler it can cause a lot of conflict.
    If your dad is a compulsive gambler he is not going to stop until he is ready. Having said that your mom and you need to protect yourself financially as it is very possible that monies for bills, mortgage etc will be spent on gambling.
    Perhaps try talking to your mom… get her opinion on what she thinks is going on.
    Sorry, I know this must be such a burden on you and it really is so unfair:( Try to remember it is not up to you to fix this.

    #4622
    monique
    Participant

    <

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4623
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Kary
    I appreciate that you feel you are the only person who knows that your father is gambling but in my opinion the chances are that your mother and possibly your sister are aware too. Compulsive gambling is a divisive addiction that thrives on secrecy which often results in families believing that each member feels they alone in knowing or guessing what is going on.
    If your father has stolen from his wife and your sister then I would imagine they know there is a problem. The friend who called your mother demanding money is probably aware of how his money disappeared and I would imagine your mother was very distressed by the call.
    Compulsive gamblers are not always aware that it is their behaviour that leads those around them to question what is going on – it isn’t so much the loss of money but the lies and deceit that hurt those who love them the most – the trail of misery and confusion mounts up until somebody calls a halt.
    Whether I am right, or not, though Kary, this is not a burden for you to shoulder alone.
    You have done fantastically starting a thread here, your post is clear and understandable but Worriedmama is right, it is important that you talk to your mother because if, like you, she thinks she is the only one who knows she will be struggling to cope herself.
    Compulsive gamblers depend on enablement. The addiction to gamble is not about money, it is all about the gamble itself. I have brought up my thread ‘The F&F Cycle’ for you which I hope will help you understand.
    There is a Friends and Family group on Tuesday 20.00-21.00 hours UK when we communicate in real time – you and your mother will be very welcome.
    Whether you join that group or not though please post again. You are being listened to and understood.
    Velvet

    #4624
    karyfella
    Participant

    Hey, worriedmama and velvet thanks alot for your support. I write this lines because i did talk with my mom and my sister. My mom doesn’t matter what happening with my dad, because she would like he signs the divorce paper, and she thinks that my dad is not the man who he was and who she got married.

    My sister wants to help him if he would like to be helped, because she thinks that he has transformed a mythomaniac; “Everything that he says about to help us is a lie … He used our financial need to get money from our kin and then he used it to gambling”

    Finally my mom talked with my paternal grandmother, and she said to my mom that she give him money every week to something of my house. My grandmother cry because she feels that my dad has a problem and he don’t want to be helped. Also, my grandmother believe everything that my dad tell her.

    I really want he can be able to understand the problem that he has.

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