24 September 2012 at 12:12 pm #12026johnc2012Participant
I never imagined when i was young that i would ever need help for anything. Especially not an addiction. I use to think that i had control of my life, How wrong i was.
As a child i had such a lot going on in my life, i had the happy times and the sad times, times when i was in fear, times when i had no one to turn to. I saw things that i didnt understand and never had things explained to me. From the outside growing up everything seemed very normal with me. But in the inside i just hated myself. I felt so unloved and unwanted its just the way that things were. I discovered fruit machines at a young age, we had one in our garage as i was growing up. I would play on that for aslong as i possibly could each day, Whenever that we went to the seaside i would feed the fruit machines. I just felt so comfortable, like being in a place where i could just have a short escape from all the things that i hated about myself. Getting into my teenage years i started smoking at around 12, solvents at 12, drugs at 13., I would also drink from a young age. I fell into crime, and used gambling. By this time it was usually scratch cards or the fruit machines at our local family amusements that would take my fancy.
After leaving school things changed a bit for me. I became a grafter, i started of as a sheetmetal worker where i quickly saved money and was happy to be earning. I did the odd shadey deal or two on the side but gambling was something that i rarely did at this time, usually just an odd scratch card here and there. At 18 i thought i was invincible i seemed to have it all. I had a mortgage on a 3 bed semi, brand new car, money, girlfriend, everything was going great. At 20 i was single, had a **** car and was very depressed. Thats when i first walked into a bookies, i met a new girl, we had a child when i was 23, my gambling started getting out of control so badly at that stage. Roullette machines, slots, racing, virtual racing, casinos. I would bet on anything.
Things for me just got worse and worse and i felt so trapped like i could no longer carry on with this life i was living. I had destroyed my life so much and hurt so many people, i hated myself for gambling and couldnt control myself, I just couldnt stop.
Then after so many years of self destruction i found Gordon Moody House, i could not sink any lower the next thing on my list was suicide. i left gmh just over two weeks ago after the 14week programme, While i was there it changed my life and still now its changing my life. its all for the better, my girlfriend gave birth to our baby daughter caitlin mae on the 12th of september, i also still as always have regular contact with my daughter scarlett. I feel such a better person for not gambling. Day by day things are getting better, every day is still a challenge. But at 29years old with barely any money i think that i am the happiest i have ever being. I chose life and im going to make the very most of it.
Thanks to all the people who have stood by me.
Thanks ever so much to the residents and staff at GMH for helping me to change my life.4 June 2013 at 8:09 pm #12027johnc2012Participant
Well its being 1 year since i last had a bet and reflecting and looking back over the past year things are going well, I never thought this day will come. Still taking a day at a time. I must say though with every day that passes that i dont gamble is a good day. Im just so happy and gratefull that im living a gambling free life, Its much easier without gambling. I really feel that im finally building a future for myself and am able to set myself realistic aims and targets which will all lead to a better life for me and the people that i love and care about. This time last year i was a broken mess and my life was in tatters, Now im rebuilding my life. gma really is a life changing experience and aslong as you want to change then it can be done. Thanks for all the help i recieved from staff and residents, Much appreciated.5 June 2013 at 3:09 pm #12028cat438Participant
Congratulations on your year free of gambling. It is wonderful to read about people who are having a gamble free life as it shows other cg’s that it can be done. It is 7 months gamble free for me and I know that I have to be aware and not get complacent as I made 7 months before and ended up gambling again. It is one day at a time, and there are good days and bad days, but it is worthing working towards a gamble free life. Enjoy your gamble free life – you deserve it!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…
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