20 October 2023 at 12:07 pm #182649anhnguynParticipant
I came to Canada as a student now I’m work status in here. I met my husband online, we came from same hometown. I moved to live with him in November 2022, and we did wedding ceremory in Canada in January 2023. Before the wedding, I started Sponsorship documentation in Canada, so we must do shared debit card. He agreed at that time, then every time I asked him go to the bank he kept delaying to do it. He told me that he had a $5000 debt in credit card and some in debit card. I was so depressed about it but I still forgiven to him. After that, I kept asking him what else debt he had? He said none. But then two of his friend found me and asked to paid for his loan. The money went up to $20.000. Luckily, his family supported me and give me some money that they own from their line credit card, so I don’t have to be stressed about high interest. And I didn’t walk away from him. After that, I was so secured about him, I kept his all salary and money, sometimes I gave him some cash $20-$50 he didn’t save it he bought some lottery and I guessed he believed one day he could win. But I ignored that I thought he would forget gamble and spend money for fishing which is entertainment he likes most. He started to fishing and playing soccer with some new friends. Now in September 2023, his friend came to my house and said he mortgage his car and own $6630. They asked me to pay right away so I can take the car back. One more time, he lied to me, he didn’t tell me anything until someone tells me. This time I wasn’t surprised that much but I couldn’t accept he always lie to me. He stole some cash from me and told me that he bought the musical instruments that we’re planning to business in back home. Once again, I found out he took all that money and deposited to bet365 after he lost 10,000 he continued playing. Everytime, I talked to him and asked him why he did this, he kept silent and then be angry if I asked in an hour. I’m not a dumb wife, now I keep all his financial card, salary. All the social media, email account and phone account. I restricted all the bet site and soccer site in iphone, if he wants to access he had to know the password. The thing is all of his friend now know he cheated them to get money away. Now all the Vietnam community in my city know what my husband be. I was embarrassed and thinking don’t want to meet anyone. I’m catholic I believe God will help me, I asked him to pray every night before going to bed. He even didn’t want to call his parents in back home, because he knows they will be angry to him. My parent are first known and told him that if he won’t abandon gamble, don’t married to me. While that time, he promised to my parent that he wouldn’t do it again. However, I still secure and have a doubt about him. I think I’m depressed now and even think what if I divorce. But other side, I want to help him, if I walk away, no one can help him and support him to overcome. But if this happen one more, my parent worries I will divorce him while in my religion it’s not recommended. Can someone help me to overcome this worry and have strong belief so I can help him to overcome this problem.
20 October 2023 at 12:08 pm #182663velvetModerator
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
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You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team
20 October 2023 at 7:43 pm #182671velvetModerator
Well done writing, what must have been, a difficult first post.
I cannot tell you what to do because it is important that you make your own decisions. I hope that by posting and reading on here you will learn to make decisions that are right for you and ultimately right for your husband.
There is no need for you to feel embarrassed about your husband’s problem, he did not ask for, or want to be, obsessed with gambling. I’m sure there is nothing he would want more than to be able to gamble responsibly but he cannot. Maybe it is just as well that his friends know that he has a problem and hopefully they will stop lending him money – every time they give him ‘a loan’ they are feeding his addiction. Likewise clearing his gambling debts takes away his responsibility, giving him a green light to continue gambling in the belief that someone else will pick up the mess.
Does your husband recognise that he has a problem? Angry conversations change nothing but maybe you could open up a conversation with him, calmly letting him know that you have had to seek support for yourself and that you know there is help for him if he accepts he has a problem with gambling. You could possibly tell him that you are willing to support him if he seeks help and ask him to help you understand how he feels. It is very important to listen, rather than talk to a gambler – your husband will believe that nobody can understand how he feels.
Your husband will almost certainly be struggling with confidence. The nature of the addiction to gamble is that the gambler cannot win, he will always lose. Your husband will, therefore, probably be feeling failure and a constant feeling of failure erodes self-esteem.
Your husband can learn to live gamble-free; it isn’t easy and it takes great courage but it is important that he knows where support can be found. Maybe he could look at this site and join our gambler-only group, it is facilitated by Charles who understands your husband, he will welcome him and support him as you and I cannot. There is also GA (gamblers anonymous) – and in the UK we have a rehab programme called Gordon Moody, that I believe is second to none.
Information on the rehab and the facilities this site offers, can be found on our Helpline and in our forums and groups.
It is very important that you look after yourself, it is very easy to lose your sleep and your health worrying about a loved one’s gambling habit. Worrying will change nothing. Protect your finances and pin numbers. Keep up with your hobbies and interests, your friends and family. If you can share with your family or friends then do so but tell whoever you share with that you are seeking help and you don’t need opinions.
Please keep posting, you are being heard and understood.
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