11 February 2013 at 9:21 am #1999mrslParticipant
I have been married 36 years. (since I was 18 years old) My husband has always had an addictive personality. About 4 years ago my husband started buying scratch tickets a lot. We had to make all our business bank accounts double signature. He came and confessed to me in July 2012 and was in debt to an couple online loans and a payday loan. We took money from our little bit of saving and paid them off…with the promise that he would stop buying scratch tickets. Since then he has hidden and spent money from our business credit cards, personal credit cards opened his own credit card and maxed it out. I think he has been going to the casino (slot machines), I know for sure he is still buying scratch tickets. I find them in his pockets and visor of his car. He won’t talk to me about it, just tells me I’m the one with the problems…. he says I’m a control freak, a liar, and have an angry problem, and that its his money (we both work at our business~~or at least I do). Its like he is projecting everything he does back at me. I don’t know what to do to help him. He said he would get help after the July confession, but hasn’t. We have had some major life changes in the last 4 years. We are now have an empty nest after many years with our own 3 children and foster children. My husbands mother, cousin, brother-in-law, Uncle, a family friend and his best friend have all died in the last 4 years. My husband has always been a light drinker, he comes from a family of alcoholics. I hardly ever drink, which is why he hasn’t really drank a lot in the years we have been married. But he is an alcoholic. 5 years ago I would have trusted anything he said, but not now. I have no family to talk to (I try to keep our kids out of our problems I don’t want them to loose anymore respect for him) I did go to them a couple years ago because I thought I was going to go crazy, thats when they first heard about his problem with gambling. We had insurance a while ago (Nov 2011) and he did go to a counselor for about 3 months, but I don’t think he was honest with her about his drinking and gambling. They mostly talked about his best friend dying and past childhood experiences, she diagnosed him with PTSD and clinical depression, but he wouldn’t take any medication for it. Now we can’t afford insurance and he is getting worse. We don’t have Gam-anon meetings where I live, but I did go to an open GA meeting a couple weeks ago. Not sure if that’s help for me, only gamblers attend the one here. I am so at a lost of what to do. Its been 2+ weeks since we have talked without arguing. We now just live in the same house and work together daily but don’t talk. I love him dearly, but have built a wall up so I don’t keep crying. He has been consuming all my thoughts and our business is starting to suffer because, I can’t think. I can’t sleep, and now I can’t cry. What can I do????11 February 2013 at 10:28 am #2000moniqueParticipant
Dear MrsL. Welcome to this site – it is good you have reached out to a place of support. You can find non-judgemental consideration of your situation here; you will be listened to and can also hear the suggestions of others who love a compulsive gambler (cg) family member. My situation is that I have an adult son who has been gambling for at least 10 years and is not in a good place in life. I joined this site about 18 months ago and have been encouraged to look after myself, ie seek my own recovery first. We can each do something about ourselves, but we cannot ‘make’ a partner or son change his ways, no matter how much we care about them. This approach often seems strange to family members, but it means we can live a good life (not an easy one, but one with its own satisfactions) and be strong for the gambler, now and in the future if/when he seeks his own recovery. Being strong for now can often mean we feel more apart from the one we love, because we are choosing a healthy way of life and he is choosing a destructive one. He is allowing addiction to control his way of life, but we don’t have to be controlled by it. He will not have chosen to be an addict and he will have other deeper-level problems, but he has to make his own decision to find recovery. Gambling may have seemed an ‘escape’ from painful things, but it has become a terrible trap instead. But one from which there are ways of ‘escape’, when the cg is ready to work hard to find them. I hear that you and your husband have faced a huge number of losses and great sorrow in your life together. You are both very hurt. People here do care about you and will help you. You can have a brighter future – it takes work and perseverance, but it will be worth it. I wish you well and sincerely hope you will use this support network as much as you need. Very best wishes, Monique . xxKeep hope alive.11 February 2013 at 10:55 am #2001DuncKeymaster
Hi Mrs L, a warm welcome to the Gambling Therapy Friends and Family forum.
Having found us you have also found a diverse community of other friends and family members who can support you on your recovery journey.
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in the issues that you describe.
Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer… It’s all free
To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or click here to see the weekly group schedule. Please feel free to use the Friends and Family and also the community Groups.
At present we have 3 dedicated groups for friends & family members. These are at:
Tuesday 20:00 > 21:00 Uk
Wednesday 11:00 > 12:00 Uk
Thursday 21:00 > 22:00 UK
Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.
For one to one chat you may want to try the live advice helpline. Click "connect" when the Advise line is open
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