7 September 2012 at 7:14 pm #12149paul315Participant
September 7, 2012
Hello, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler – a compulsive gambler that doesn’t gamble, my last bet was August 13, 2009. Just thought that a new topic would address one the the goals of this forum better than my posting my thoughts to my home page, Day Two is Still a Day Away. Today is a good day for me to"Talk about the life I want for the future" — about my dreams. Today I am 68 but still have dreams to live and fulfill, and plans for the future – just happy that they are no longer the compulsive gambling dreams that held be captive before. This is the forth gambling free birthday that I am able to enjoy since my addiction took over, and my recovery begin.
This year during my weekly stay over with my 7-year-old granddaughter last night while her Mom and Dad were out, my granddaughter and I baked and decorated a cake from scratch, something that amazed her and was not what would have been done if the parents stayed home – we would have use boxed mixes; and she also surprised me with a lot of posters that she made during the past few days at the before-school child care classes, and that she decorated her whole house with before I got there. She made my day one to remember with our petite party (doing all of the different things also proved her card to me to be somewhat accurate; it said "Grandpas are like Dads, but without all the rules"). And it was my recovery that allowed me to participate in her planes, and to not call from the casino with a lie saying I could not make it; something that was too easy to do in the past. Thanks to all of you, to my 3 Gs, I was able to enjoy the normal things of life.
As a compulsive gamble that gambled, my addiction robbed me of many things, money, family gatherings, self-esteem, and the trust of others; things that was likely to be able to recover from or renew once I stopped gambling. However, this disease also robbed me of dreams, "normal" dreams that existed before the addiction began to wedge itself into my life and in my being, the type of dreams that should be able to begin again as well, but can easily remain lost.
The Disneyland type dreams waiting for everyone in the Dreamworlds of Fantasyland and Adventureland, the dreams that come "When You Wish Upon a Star"; and the dreams found "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"; and even the Biblical dreams – the "thoughts from the visions of the night", that guide Christian believers, had been tarnished. These dreams existed in their pure and innocent forms before becoming a compulsive gambler, but are now ones that we cannot normally dream again without the thought that they are only part of the elusive dreams coming from an addiction.
Gamblers Anonymous speaks of these elusive dreams in their teachings, e.g." time is spent creating images of the great and wonderful things they are going to do as soon as they make the big win"; and these powerful addictive dreams are what keeps a lot of gamblers hooked on chasing a "pot of gold" at the end of the rainbow instead of the "blue skies" found on the other side. As a compulsive gambler each time our gambler’s dreams fell through, "we would struggle back, dream more dreams, and of course suffer more misery. No one could convince us that the great schemes would not someday come true; we believed that they would, for without this dream world, life for us would not have been tolerable".
However, after our belief in the elusive dreams faltered too many times and was replaced with truth, after accepting and admitting that we were addicted, and that we could wake up from these gambler’s dreams and live without the nightmares they created, we find that we do have a chance of seeing "fate" regaining control and making some of the normal and more lucid dreams come true. Yet many are still afraid of the good dreams, we are afraid that if we pursue them that we will once again turn to gambling to hurriedly and without patience, make them come true ;so we let all dreams just fade with time and live a life of existence instead of adventure.
Yet, we do have a way to overcome these fears and live our dreams; we can not only talk about the future, we can also talk about how "we plan to get there" (part of the "meetings make it" philosophy pertains to us talking during those meeting about our planes and efforts to progress and enjoy life, not just about our wrongs), we can go to meetings and log on here and talk about how our dreams can be a path of a future and away out from of the past that can still hold us back, we can chart out a map to the all the "places you will go" — "You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high fliers (not high rollers) Who soar to high heights" ~ Dr Seuss. So don’t gamble for anything and Dream On.
God’s speed. Stay strong. Keep aware. Sweet dreams, and tell about them as part of your plans for the future and all the "places you will go".
Thanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, "Day Two Is Another Day Behind", another year behind, and with the help from all , I hope to continue to remain gambling free.– 9/8/2012 2:27:39 PM: post edited by paul315.
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