[olivermark]

I am 24 i have a good job, a great girl, a big loving and caring family and some very good friends, But what i dont seem to have is the ability to stop gambling, hypocritical as it sounds as we all have the ability to anything we desire but this is one struggle i am losing and its not getting any easier.
The reason i signed up to this forum is because i can totally relate to the despair and agony many of you have commented about and i was close to tears whilst reading every single word saying (That’s me…This is me)
I played the slots, rainbow riches, deal or no deal, froot tastic, rocky, reel king and occasionally roullette but very rarely.
I started gambling at the age of 16 and my first bet was put on for me when a co worker of mine went to the bookies to put a bet on i asked for a football bet to be put on for me five teams to win and i put on a fiver… what happened it came in about 50 quid i think i got back and that was that… Strangly i never bet on football anymore not sure why tbh but thats neither here nor there but anyway i started buying scratch cards infrequently at first but then more and more until it was 2 or 3 5pound scratch cards a day, and then that stopped giving me the constant buzz i craved from gambling so i went into the book makers and thats when i started using the slot machines first on 20p stake then 50p then at £1.00 a spin and finally £2.00 stake, The problem is even 2 pound spins stopped doing it for me, so i started going online and betting 5.00 a spin and if i was ‘doing well’ even more, The point that i am trying to stress is that i am not stupid and i know that gambling loses money over all but i still cant seem to help myself.
I have today downloaded the free trial of Bet filter that actually looks like it is going to be a godsend as i have tryed to check if i can get on to any betting sites and i cant which is FANTASTIC, The other problem that i have is i have barred myself from all of the bookies in my area but sometimes if i havent been in one for a while they dont recognise me and are none the wiser and having the objective of going into gamble at the time i dont say you do know im barred from here which is what i should do or better yet not go in there at all, but as you all know its not that simple.
I am definately going to purchase the full version of bet filter on payday fifty quid a year is cheap as chips when you consider how much you would spend on gambling in a year anyway.
What i would like is if anybody has any other tips for me even if you think that it may not help, Tell me please,
Anything that has worked for you or is working for you, Id very much like to know what works and what doesn’t.
I genuinely have the desire to live a life without any gambling of any sort and i dont think that cutting down or free games are going to do me any favours, I just wish the cravings wernt so strong the next time even though i know what the outcome would be the same as any other.
Einstein quoted that repeating the same thing and expecting a different outcome was insanity and never a truer word has been spoken so why after 8 years am i trying the same thing and expecting or hoping more like for a different outcome knowing full well that it is never going to happen.
I also suffer from ocd and i am not sure if the two run parallel or if this effects my mind whilst gambling and after i lose alot of money i also take a long hot shower trying to scrub myself clean of the fear, guilt, embarresment, dissapointment and shame.
Everybody close to me does know that i have issues regarding gambling and this is written hoping that none of them will stumble across it, but if they do …
please understand that i thank you all so much for your continued support and love and i want this and i will eventually have a life completely gamble free
Thankyou so much for reading and i look forward to your comments.As long as i do not gamble today, That is all that matters.

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