[Cairo]

My husband has a gambling problem . I have been with him for 10 years this is the 5th time he’s gone behind my back and gambled again . He takes loans from high interest (money marts) and gambles I’ve fixed his mess 4 times. I’ve taken 3 line of credit and now loan (totalling 50K+) and now I dont know what else to do . He has recently gambled 20K we were getting ready to move into a bigger home and have another baby . He has ruined everything .. I really just want to tell his family about him. I can’t stand looking at him just how messed up can you be to not think about your family . I asked him to get help last year and he refused said he won’t do it again. And here we are again ! Funny thing is he didn’t even tell me I just checked my bank account and saw a money Mart payment come off . I hate him I can’t be with him anymore .. I haven’t talked to anyone about this . I’m hurting inside . Pls help me ! 

[Dunc]

Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Cairo
Well done writing your first post, I am sure it was very painful to write.
Sometimes anger, disappointment, confusion and shame can lead us to feelings of hate but I have to ask you why you wrote this post if it was not because your first hope would be that you could rekindle love if your husband faced his addiction and stopped gambling.
Your husband lies in a desperate attempt to divert you from his addiction but of course if doesn’t work; he doesn’t appear to know, however, what else to do. Has he ever tried GA (gambler anonymous) or spoken to a counsellor about his problem – has he ever sought any help of any kind or are you his only sounding block?
There is a brilliant post somewhere on the site and I must find it again for you, where a compulsive gambler who lives in control of his addiction explains why support is so necessary for an addicted gambler – if it was possible to ‘do it alone’ and stop gambling, sites like this and GA would not exist.
If you want to tell his family in anger then I would not say that I thought it was the right thing to do. Families can live in a state of denial over a child or sibling with the addiction to gamble and an angry approach could damage your relationship with them. If, however, you want them to support you and you do care deep down that he is unhappy with his addiction and needs support, then I would think it was a good thing to include them.
I am going to leave this here Cairo as I have to go out but I will come back to you asap. I wanted to get some thoughts off to you quickly so that you know you are being heard and that I do care.
Look after yourself
Velvet

[KQ25]

Hi Cairo,

I’m in a similar situation as my husband has a gambling problem. He has been gambling for the past 20 years and I’ve been with him for the last five. He refuses to seek help and knows that it is ruining his life and mine. We have a two year old son and I don’t want him growing up like this. I would love to chat anytime.

[velvet]

Hi KQ

Please start your own thread so that you can receive replies and then Cairo and others can communicate with you.

If you scroll to the bottom of the forum page and click on ‘New Topic’, write your story in the box and click on ‘save’ your thread will appear in this forum.

Living with the addiction to gamble in your life is a lonely experience – this forum is for sharing experiences and learning how to cope.

Your husband might know that he is ruining your life but he probably doesn’t know how to reverse the ruin and make things better.

You have reached out and you have been heard, please keep posting

Velvet

[Arin]

Hello everyone! My husband has been very secretive past six months or so and I started to be suspicious. Last month I has to do some work on my computer but it somehow freezed so I used his instead. While searching something on the internet I stood upon some kind of website that he visited. I tried to check his internet history and he has been playing online casino games and lost a lot of our money. I dont know what to do with it, he doesnt know I found out his secret and I am scared to tell him but I also cannot leave him spending our money like that! What should I do ? Can somebody suggest me something? I am hopeless .

[vera]

How about telling him the truth. Arin?

It is not a good idea to put links to gambling sites here. Many online gamblers could be tempted by this.
Just sayin’!!

[Momoftwogreatkids]

I totally understand how you feel. You know you’ve been lied to so many times. The sad thing is that there are probably so many more lies than you know.
My husband’s family enabled him to gamble behind my back and blame me for his financial issues for 20 years. His family has hated me, and I never understood what I did. I just didn’t make enough money according to them.
I hope to find a way out of my marriage soon. And I hope you can find a support person to call or meet with. I talked to a gamanon group leader on the phone that gave me a lot of support. At the time I didn’t realize how bad things really were. But the gamanon support person knew my situation better than me. I hope you have your own family to reach out to. No matter what, you can always reach out to your own family.

[Author]

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