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    • #53793

      Hi there,
      So this is my first time writing a journal and talking about my addiction, unfortunatly it isn’t my first attempt at tackling my addiction.
      My addiction began after signing up to play bingo online. I won some sort of bonus that gave me free spins on an online slots game and from then I was addicted.
      It quickly escalated and I was spending money I didn’t have or could afford and I was spending far too much time online. After around 18 months, I realised that I had a serious problem. I signed up to GamStop and got help through StepChange. Although there were times when I had the urge, I managed to stay gamble free for around 18 months. Until this week. I managed to get around my restriction due to my name changing and a new bank account (I separated from my husband a year ago). Over the past couple of weeks, my anxiety had been quite bad, probably worse than I’ve ever had it (I finally went to the doctors this week to discuss it and I am waiting for a referral to come through) and on top of pressures of the Christmas period, I have used gambling as a distraction. Today I have realised that I need more support to beat my addiction and that I can not do this on my own. So I will be using this journal as well as the chat groups regularly, hopefully daily as well as looking for a local support group or service. I’ll probably just ramble away on this journal, so apologies to anyone reading it and finding themselves confused from my ramblings, haha.
      Right, so today is hopefully the last day that I will gamble. I will check in tomorrow and put down my thoughts and feelings.

    • #53794

      Thank you for posting and being honest about whats happening to you. I am recovering from this addiction and it was on and off but 3 weeks ago i am where you are now. I came on this website and explored it reading others in this habit. It struck a nerve in the mind to completely stop. I am grateful to be free of it and i am focused more on self worth and recovery. Questions you gonna ask yourself each moment as you observing your thoughts : Do i want a messed up health? Do i want to continue living like this? The key to stop this is constant renewing of your mind. Observation of your thoughts. The journal helped me out alot. Reading other people’s testimonies

    • #53795

      This website is great ramble as much as you want and read other people’s journals it helps keep the mind occupied and focused.
      Let’s hope we can all stay strong and have a good start to the new year.

    • #53796
      Paul Dent

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #53797

      Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate the time you have taken to read and reply.
      I’ve had a read through some other threads, it;s such a relief to know that others share the same struggles and feelings.
      When I woke up this morning I initially felt positive and then within minutes that churning feeling in my stomach hit. I realised I needed to add up the damage of the past week and make a financial plan for the month. Its going to be tight b ut I’m actually looking forward to the challenge of being as frugal as possible. I kind of think if I can get through the next month, I can do anything, right?
      I decided to go on a long walk to a shop to get milk and being out in the fresh air has helped. I’ve since cleaned the house from top to bottom and I’m now going to distract myself by cracking on with some studying. I’m in year 2 of 6 of an Open University History degree.
      I’ve had thoughts of ‘just putting a tenner into an online account to recover some losses’ but my rational mind knows this is rubbish and it won’t just be a tenner. I’m on a mission to give my rational mind lots of strength to overpower the irrational thinking. so today’s mantra is ‘irrational mind, shut the chuff up’ .
      Right, off to my essay for now.

    • #53798

      Hi Pamred,
      Well done on starting a thread – it is the most devastating feeling to know we have messed up due to gambling and find our minds completely absorbed by counting money and figuring out survival until we next get paid.

      I find it helpful to think of the addiction as a sneaky, underhand, dishonest , manipulative person who lives in my brain. When urges to gamble come I think this is that “cow” trying get gambling into my life.

      Everyone has to find their own way through the addiction -for example , there are people who go to GA and never gamble again after their first meeting and there are people who find GA really unhelpful.
      What I found most helpful was the women’s short residential . It is a short stay away from your normal life and you learn so many strategies and tools which are helpful.
      I hope you got that essay finished – what is your degree in ?
      You can beat this and have a great life .

    • #53799

      Good to talk on chat last night. I can feel your resolve to beat this. Yes the rational and irrational mind – fighting it out in your brain is annoying – but it does decrease in time, believe me. I tend to think of the irrational mind as my emotional (childish) mind – because that is the part that is rash and doesn’t think of the consequences of things.
      I think there are a few OU people on here. I finished my degree some time ago, and I know there is someone here doing a law degree – hopefully she will introduce herself.

      So in 2020 – make sure you get the support to kick gambling in the bin and enjoy a great gambling free life. I wish you well!

    • #53800

      Ty for your post on my thread. Xmas is a difficult time and although I have been gf nearly two years and five months I always find myself at Xmas playing computer games compulsively.
      You have made the right moves, counselling will help. Your gambling issue started in the same way as mine did, on line bingo, c autious about playing slots and when I did, bam, hooked.. then five years of huge damage.
      There r always reasons why we become compulsive gamblers and counselling can help explore the whys although it is usually a perfect storm of reasons.
      I hope to meet u in chat soon.
      Keep posting. I also need to be frugal so can catch upon how that is going.

    • #53801

      Hi everyone,
      thank you for you comments of support.
      I had every intention of going on to chat last night but I was exhausted. I actually went to bed at 7pm when I took my son up. I think the exhaustion is due to the emotions I have been through over the past week or so.

      I kept myself fairly busy yesterday, managed to do around a third of my essay. My degree is history. I decided to enroll around the time I stopped gambling in the past. I figured it would be a good distraction and keep me busy along with my full time job. It certainly worked initially.
      I know that I use gambling as a distraction from boredom and loneliness although deep down I know its more than that. I use it to fill the time to avoid thinking about things and having to face them. This is something that I will be working on next year.

      I cleaned the house from top to bottom and actually put away my piles of washing. I feel that that was a big achievement yesterday, haha.

      I made a healthyish tea of slimey sausages (sausages in onion gravy), cauliflower cheese and veg. Im going to try and make better meals as my diet has been pretty poor of late, mainly chocolate and diet coke.

      Throughout the day I had many thoughts of gambling but managed to tell my irrational mind to ‘bog off’, I’m proud that I silenced her yesterday but I’m under no illusions that it will always be so easy.

      Todays plan is to crack on with my essay and hopefully do at least another third. I also borrowed a book from the library at the school I work at that I’ve had since before the summer. My plan is to read some of that so I can finally return it when we go back next week. I’m meeting up with a friend this evening so I don’t think I will make it to the new members chat tonight but will aim for the one later in the week.

      I hope everyone has a positive day today

    • #53802

      Hi Pamred
      How are things going?
      I hope you got the essay done!
      Keep strong x

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