27 September 2021 at 5:08 pm #139054
Hello. I’ve been gambling since i was probably 15 years old, within a year i’ll be 40 years old. Online slots are the drug for me. Ive lost hundreds of thousand euros, ive could have build a nice house for that money lost or given it to charity or whatever. I have lied, cheated and borrowed money to gamble. And i still havent stop.
Ive broken my laptop with a sledgehammer, that didnt help, i can still use my phone. Ive installed gamban to my phone, found a way to bypass it. Ive closed hundreds of casinosites, theres always a new one to put my money on.
Its not all that bad, i put most of money on a second account where i cant touch it, and we are saving money to go to japan.
Problem is that i still gamble. Every fuckin penny i can get my hands on. Freespins without depositing, even if its just 10 spins and i never win, ill take it. Im an avid movie collector and sometimes ill even sell my beloved movies just to get that 10€ to gamble.
I have job which has grown very boring to me but it pays pretty well so theres no way im quitting it.
I barely have three friends Who i rarely see. Im in no connection with my family because i fucked them up in the past. Im Married and my wife thinks ive quit gambling. God knows ive tried. She will leave me if im ever caught.
I thought that losing my credentials would force me to quit but no. Ive gained them back and i have massed an 4000€ loan which im now slowly paying back.
Im bored most of the time and nothing seems to interest me. We live in the countryside and there isnt much to do.. yeah, i can go out and fix the house but everything like that feels like chore. I think gambling has broken my mind.
I used to be interested at things, now its just bland and boring. Only thing that is even slightly interesting is movie collecting, and even that has grown somewhat pointless.
So today ive closed yet again few casinosites. I woked up, gambled 30 euros, and not so suprisingly won nothing. And even if i’d won, i would have gambled them back.
Seek professional help someone would say. That didnt help. Ive been on antidepressants and they didnt do nothing. Going to therapy is impossible for me. Im even afraid to answer the phone so talking to strangers about my problems is out of question.
So ive Come to conclusion that i need something, anything intresting to do. Maybe i will someday find it, maybe not.
Now im again on path to stop gambling. It doesnt look promising but i will try.
27 September 2021 at 5:08 pm #139071DuncKeymaster
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
29 September 2021 at 11:03 am #139120
Well, i got an email today from a casinosite that i forgot to close. Played 10 freespins that i got and closed the site, didnt deposit though, probably would have if id had any money. I consider this a relapse.
29 September 2021 at 11:03 am #139076
“There are no atheists in foxholes”. That may be the truth. I’m in no way a religious person, i resigned from the church when i was 19years old and i listen to heavy metal for god sakes. That doesnt mean that i havent been on my knees praying to god to help me to stop. I remember as i kid to having a some kind of a religious happening so even if god hasnt help me to quit gambling, i like to think there is something out there, and that kinda comforts me. I said a quiet prayer again today while thinking about my life. Im feeling kinda optimistic before going to the nightshift for my boring job at the factory.
29 September 2021 at 1:47 pm #139164
You know that good feeling that comes after you decide to stop gambling? It doesnt last very long. In Fact, it lasts lesser and lesser after everytime you make that promise not to gamble. The world around you doesnt change even if you try to. I havent gambled today and i feel tired, anxious and bored.
3 October 2021 at 8:38 pm #139996
Well i have managed not to gamble, probably because i have no money on my account. Still feeling like shit, its worse when im alone.
4 October 2021 at 7:06 pm #140255bullitParticipant
“Im bored most of the time and nothing seems to interest me”
Thank you. that hit me… so accurate. this is my first post on here. i agree. Nothing compares to gambling for me. Ive been gambling for 35 years. For me that is my biggest struggle. I just f’ing love it. To imagine stopping is very difficult. But I need to. My deepest fear is that nothing will ever give me the same “rush” or “joy: (if you can call it that…) So I will always go back to my old fun friend. Consequences be damned. How do we stop doing the thing we love the most? Once you go gamble free for a period of time…does it still “call” you in your head. Do the cravings lessen?
I havent gambles for two days. Last session playing slots lost 6k in 3 hours…maxed out bank account and credit card again So tempted to go chase it so I can pay credit card back down.
4 October 2021 at 7:11 pm #140261charlesModerator
Hi Billit, you have a lot of support available. If you start your own thread in this forum you will get a lot of feedback and advice. Connectng to one of the New member groups or Helpline will also give you ideas about other support.
Worm, well done on not gambling. Well done on not gambling. If havign no money available was the reason then use that now. How about making yourself accountable so that IF you gambled again your wife would definitely find out – that is always a big deterrent, removing the secrecy. It sounds like you are in teh UK so have you heard of Gamstop? https://www.gamstop.co.uk/ that should ban you from all UK registered sites. There is a lot of support available. I facilitate some of the groups here, there are New member Groups on a Monday and Thursday evening (UK time) hopefully I will see you there.
You can stop gambling.
5 October 2021 at 7:09 am #140295
Good morning. I woke up way too early today and because its raining outside and i have nothing better to do i’ll might as well write something here. These kind of days are the worst, i’ve got 4hrs before i have to go to work and nothing to do, so my mind goes back to gambling. I have the urges, the need to gamble, just to pass some time. I live in Finland, im part of a nation which is ranked on top as the happiest place to live. Also on top as highest rank of suicides per capita. Here we have slotmachines on crocery stores and gas stations and the gambling is monopolised by the goverment. This country has now finally awoken on the gambling problem that many finns have. Slotmachines soon will have mandatory identification with limits and there has been discussions on payment blocks to prevent taxpayers money going outside Finnish borders, sadly you can easily just use skrill or any payment service available, it would be better to make it illegal to casinos to accept finnish players, but what would i know? Im just a degenerate gambler… I started gambling on those slotmachines sitting on the corner of every grocery store. Nobody cared back then if you were under age. The gambling problem runs deep in this country’s veins. Every week you read about some poor soul Who has gambled their live away, i remember this nice young bank lady Who signed our bank loan, she had been caught stealing money from the bank and gambled away hundreds of thousands euros. Im glad that i’m not able to access any money at my boring job. That could have easily been me.
6 October 2021 at 9:03 pm #140417
Today i turned 39. And i didnt gamble. Still feeling the urges though.
21 October 2021 at 4:49 pm #141349velvetModerator
39 is a great age to re-valuate your life, to look at what has gone before but recognise there is a lot more ahead that is worth fighting for.
However much you think that you love gambling, it is a fact that gambling does not love you and never will; she is a demanding mistress who offers quick gratification in return for misery and devastating feelings of failure.
Nobody know when a true recovery starts not the gambler, not those who love them and not those who offer professional support – but – and it is a big but – true recoveries do start and they are amazing. I am lucky enough to have seen true recoveries and heard the joy in the lives of those who have embraced them. I want to hear that joy in your life.
You have written about enough wreckage in your life so far and yet here you are willing and able to try again. It is worth the battle, the rewards are massive.
I will follow your thread and look forward to hearing your progress – just one day at a time.
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