[alan1211]

I used to be a fun guy to be around, but gambling has completly taken over my life….im gambling every other day, im gambling on sports, poker, roulette, slots and anything just so long as im gambling. I have never won a substantial amount in my life (most being around £1500) and on average i lost that every month.
I first started gambling on slots machine’s when i was 16, i thought at the time it was pretty cool it was only for fun on 2p slots etc, then i started upping the stake and started roullete and the rest is history, by them time i was 18 i was addicted to gambling but i still felt in control and like most people thought i could stop as and when i wanted to, boy was i wrong! 10 years on from when i first started here i am…the same problem, i actually dont understand what drives me to do it. Im self employed and im ok for money, i never win anyway 9 in every 10 times i lose. The problem is i check footy results and have started alot of inplay betting and if i sat there and checked yesterdays results i’d always think i would have betted on teams that fell behind and came back to win, which meant big wins but the reality is as and when the money hits my online account booom i cant wait for the right game or the right time to place my monies, i literally just put money on any team that seems capable of winning…ok less of this rambling.
Lets get onto the problem, so im 26 im single i dont have a gf and nobody really to really speak to about anytype of addiction, i start gambling and when i do i go absolutley mental i’l lose all money as i have done tonight, i borrowed money off a family member who has bills to pay etc just to carry on and promised them id give them it back i turn into a monster i mean just thinking of what ive done i feel disgusted with myself, i feel its pathetic that a grown man isnt in control of his actions and unfortunatly for me when im gambling i lose all control…pathetic!!!
I want to start a family but i do not save any money at all, i dont know how im going to cope when or if i have a family unless i completly stop this dirty filthy addiction!! I can never win because i cant ever stop, if i have 50 in my pocket i feel like i have plenty of money to see me through a few days as opposed to having 500 in the online gaming account seems like pennies just waiting to be dropped, its unbelievable. Ive been on these type of websites before and read loads of stories and i feel sorry for all the guys/girls who have had broken families due to this addiction and as much as i dont ever want to be in that position i feel thats exatcly where im heading, as i dont know why i gamble….i mean would you gamble if you never won? like i mean knowing even if you do have a win its only a temporary hold your keeping for the house before it takes them all back, like last night i was awake till 7am slept till 11am woke up and have been online gambling all day (i dont gamble whilst im at work, well rarely) and i feel absolutely sick to the stomach, chucking money away when that money could be used to feed homeless people, provide clean water and shelter and all these things for people less fortunate. If i win a sports bet, i will carry on playing poker all night until i lose it all, and im absolutely rubbish at poker, why do i play it? i just dont understand.
The worst thing is, if i dont gamble for 2-3 days and think im getting better my personality shines then all of a sudden i will have the devil himself whispering in my ear, telling me to try a little bet on a team and take it from there.
Dont know what to do, going to start a diary and update it every night just to take my mind off things, i want to be able to stop this filthy addiction, before it ruins my life. i wont be gambling now for around a week anyway as ive just lose like 1200 in the last 48 hours. I hope im strong enough to beat this. YOU CANT WIN CAUSE YOU CANT STOP!!!!!

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