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  • #6842
    anonymousdaughter
    Participant

    This is what holding onto my faith looks like to me. I just found out last night that she is gambling again. I’m okay, but I just needed to get this out. Please don’t respond with negativity. I am in the process of healing as well, and I just thought I’d give writing about it a try. Here goes…

    “This is when you have to just trust in God.” The thought hit me as I am processing what I’ve just heard. She’s gambling again. Right at this very moment. I know that I just have to trust, but…..

    Thoughts. No fears. Fears swirl though my head. The gravity of what is happening. The possibilities. Everything we’ve learned about gambling addiction- Some we learned while she was in treatment, and some we learned by seeing. Not just seeing from her, but from her own mother also. My beloved grandmother who lost everything more than once. We’ve seen enough. Hasn’t she seen enough too? What I know is that she will not stop until she has to. But people will still bail her out. Will she ever stop? Will I be one of the people put in a position to tell her no? What will happen when the reality of what she has done hits her? When she realizes what she has spent. What she has lost. Her addiction has evolved. When one or two hundred used to satisfy her, it takes so much more now. She has gambled everyday for the past two weeks. She loses six to eight hundred per day. Gone. Forever. Her hard earned money. She has already filed bankruptcy this year. Now she is spending the last of all that she has. Will she survive the realization when this hits her? This addiction has the highest suicide rtae. The thought sickens me. She mentioned suicide for the first time after getting out of treatment. Treatment. That was less than a year ago. An inpatient stay lasting over 30 days. She felt it was one of the hardest things she had ever been through. Hard or not, they taught her what is required. Meetings would be a part of her life forever. Counseling. The twelve steps. Her sponsor. Self care. They made it crystal clear that these tools will now need to be permanent fixtures in her life. Did she not believe them. Did she really think she could do it without the tools? Did she believe in miraculous healing? If she took the time she spends ruminating on all the things she is pissed off about- if she just used that time to the tasks she was assigned at treatment.  Would she be gambling right at this very moment? Help is available.

    Trust in God. It’s the only thing I can do. I can’t control her addiction. I can’t control how others will respond to her. I can’t make them allow her to hit rock bottom. I can’t control where her rock bottom is, although I pray it is not much further down than this. I also can’t control her response. I just have to trust God. And one thing I’ve learned, trusting Him does not even mean that He will heal her of this addiction. It does not mean that she will not fall again. And unfortunately, it does even mean that some of my darker fears are guaranteed not to happen. What it means, is that I can rest in the knowledge that no matter what the outcoe is, on ething remains. He is still God. He is still here. I am not alone in this. He is God when things are good, and He is still God when things are bad. Right now, trusting in Him is all that I can do. 

    #6843
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Anonymous
    Sometimes just getting things down in writing helps, so I hope that writing your post gave you some welcome relief.
    We are not negative in this forum Anonymous, I wouldn’t be here if I thought for a minute that the addiction to gamble could not be controlled.
    It seems that some gamblers take for ever to get the message but it certainly helps when all those who care about them stop enabling. Who is bailing your mother out and why? I am not being negative when I say that you are right that you cannot stop your mother gambling and that you are also right when you say you cannot stop others enabling her – but is it possible for you to make those people aware that they are harming your mother – to really bring it home to them the long-term damage they are wreaking. These are facts not negative comments.
    I cannot tell you when your mother will have had enough but as long as there is no incentive for your mother to focus on controlling her addiction, I suspect her behaviour will worsen.
    Do you have siblings or friends who feel as you do, or are you alone in your struggle with your mother’s addiction.
    Your mother has an addiction and needs good support; your problem appears to lie with those around you mother who are not supportive. She is obviously unhappy – I suggest you get those around your mother to rally round and help her in a positive way rather than making recovery more difficult for her.
    Please post again and let me know how you feel. It is not unusual for a gambler to receive treatment and then seem to reject the tools they have been given but some of what she has heard from the counsellors will still register with her and needs to be built upon by those who care about her. Positive action and support from those around her is needed.
    It is important not to make every conversation about gambling – once again positive talk about a happy future is great, talking about holidays, friends, hobbies, family – in fact all the things she could have if she takes a leap of faith and becomes gamble free.
    I wish you well
    Velvet

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