Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family Need help coping with my boyfriends addiction

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  • #3725
    naquino
    Participant

    Hi there,

    My bf and i have been together for 7 years and have a 2 year old son. he has had a major gambling problem, mostly sports betting and casino card games. we have been in countless situations where i had to take loans out for him to help him and every time i thought it was the last time. Because of that we are in deep debt financially and we are barley living pay check to pay check.

    Recently he got himself into the same type of situation, losing a bet owing thousands of dollars but this time i was tapped out. not resource to get funds from. i also was lost as to how i should handle it. well to make a long story short, he has started seeing a gambling therapist. But the lies and debt , it has caused a huge strain on our relationship.

    I have been very emotional because even tho he is seeing the therapist now, he has still been lying to me about stupid things. he borrowed money from a girl he was working with, he has broken my trust and it really hurts! he tells me that i need to be more understanding and tells me that i am not helping him. Even though i have been there for him for 7 years bailed him out n tried to get him help, and have given him countless chances.

    I just don’t know how i can handle this. I have read that i cannot take his lies & deceit personally but its getting so difficult , we have bills and rent to pay and i feel as if i have to take charge. but i cant financially do it alone. Please give me some advice, i want to be there for him but it has taken a huge toll on me i am so depressed and i really am so on edge. I just want him to be better and more responsible for our family and our son! Please help.

    #3726
    velvet
    Moderator

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    Hello Naquino

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #3727
    Anonymous
    Guest

    I understand what you feel , my husband has an issue as well with the casino. Its very hard to deal with it once you have a family and you have and issue like his its heart breaking.My husband told me that he was really trying and to be understanding , I try but i also need understanding .This place will help you and me have understanding and feel less alone .Once you know that your not the only one going though this situation youll be amazing in how many people suffer by this sickness..
    Keep posting and dont give up ..

    #3728
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Naquino
    It is indeed hard not to take the lies and deceits personally but it is important to remember that his poor behaviour is not as a result of something you have done or said.
    A CG doesn’t change the instant he/she begins therapy – it takes time for them to accept responsibility for the behaviour that accompanies their addiction and indeed it is very hard for them to do so. Telling you to be more understanding is typical and not worth becoming emotional over – he is blaming you because he is still unwilling to blame himself.
    I suggest that you safeguard any money you have access to in your name alone – for the protection of you and your child. Even if your bf is now in therapy it is unwise to trust him. The girl your bf has borrowed money from is not your responsibility – unfortunately people who ‘lend’ money to CG are not doing them any favours and when they don’t get their money back it should be between them and the CG. I cannot tell you what to do but personally I would not get involved with this person in any way. In ‘not’ clearing your bf’s debts you will be doing the right thing for him.
    It might not seem a great deal, but the best way you can ‘be there’ for your bf is to look after yourself and your child first.
    Keep posting – you have done well starting your thread – the first post is always the hardest.
    Velvet

    #3729
    naquino
    Participant

    hi guys, thank you so much for your feedback. i will def take your advice seriously and really appreciate your time to help out. i try and take it day by day

    #3730
    linda89
    Participant

    It’s a bit strange beeing here, because my issue is a bit different i feel. I’m new here, so I need some help getting over my EX boyfriend. The thing is that we broke up 4 months ago, but I’m not over him. He is a poker player, and he told me about this after 7months we became a couple (LDR). This was really hard for me, I felt my world just fell apart… but I didn’t leave him, because he promised he would stop! He never stopped…. after 2 years his playing became more agressive, and he kept saying “why aren’t you proud of me?”, “You don’t know how good I I’m” “poker is a sport, and I will never lose money”. Eventhough he really did profit alot from this game I was always afraid, and the worst part… I couldn’t tell people what he really did for a living, becuse I could see the judgment in their eyes… they were also afraid for my future, and who could blame them right?

    The thing is that when we started talking (keep in mind the LD) he had no one. He didn’t have any contact with his family, and eventhough he didn’t say it I could see the pain in his eyes. He told me all the time that I was his world, and just the thought of losing me killed him…. fast forward I adviced him (kinda pushed) to try reaching out to his family, and so he did! I could hear in his voice that he felt much better, but they were still not close, I was his family! He needed me more then I needed him, untill they became a bigger part of his life. Things were still fine between us, we spent our summer vactation together and talked about future plans! I thought things were getting better. He started college again, and heavens I was proud! After A while we had our small fights (like every couple) and I didn’t think much about it… but then one day things changed all around! I had just booked my ticket (his request) to visit him, and bought him presents for his b-day, when he all of the suddon broke up with me, told me he was going to play poker full time, that I would never accept it, and left for vacation with his friends. I was heart broken, I couldn’t live with the fact that he did that to me… I waited one month and booked another ticked without him knowing… so we ended getting back together for 3 weeks, but after one fight he broke up with me again, saying I was a dramaqueen! Since then I haven’t talked to him! It’s just so hard to cope with the fact that he chose poker over me, that makes me feel really horrible, and sometimes I blame myself for not being more understanding and try to understand the game! In my mind I was trying to do what was best for him, but I only pushed him away…. it hurts!

    I would love a respond! Best regards:)

    #3731
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Linda
    You have posted on Naquino’s thread which means that members will not be able to find ‘you’ and give you the individual support you deserve.
    Please scroll to the bottom of the Friends and Family forum and click on ‘New Topic’. Give your thread a title and then write your post in the box entitled ‘body’. Scroll down to ‘save’ and click and your thread will be up and running.
    I won’t reply to your post here because it is Naquino’s thread but I look forward to seeing you post again when I will gladly support you.
    Velvet

    #3732
    linda89
    Participant

    Oh, sorry! New here!!

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