- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.
11 August 2013 at 3:13 am #9287ClarityKeymaster
Hi everyone. I had to open a new account as my old one seemed to stop working. I simply could not get logged in.!! I hope everyone is doing well. I have not gambled since my disastrous night last week. I am trying to keep myself distracted by treating myself to nice experiences. Like nice walks, sight seeing etc. Of course I can’t stop thinking about gambling all the time but I have managed to keep myself clean for five days now so looking forward to day 6!!!12 August 2013 at 1:40 am #9288icandothisParticipant
New account for a new life!8 September 2013 at 6:13 pm #9289AnonymousGuest
I have read so many ***** that recovery from addiction comes when you reach rock bottom. I think I have another half step left. Tonight I am praying that God will just take me in my sleep, but that would be too easy. I will never beat this. I am pathetic and so scared. I have no thoughts except for the ones that say gamble gamble gamble.. I have nothing left..I shop for bargains, dye my own hair and then give thousands to stupid casinos. I am afraid.. I just feel afraid…I can’t do this for much longer…I am ingenious at getting around the barriers I put in place. Why does my brain not just say stop you idiot? This time I might lose my husband for good. Not that it bothers me that much …it’s more the shame of everyone knowing why!!!I must be a really vain, false person because the truth is I would gamble everything so long as no one finds out.I would love to be enjoying the rewards of my years of hard work, instead of sitting here wondering how I will last until pay day.And in truth if I had another few quid i would try to win it back…I am so stupid. I look at my face and the worry and deceit has taken its toll.. I am ugly and unkept . I meet my peers (many who earn far less) and they are always well dressed, groomed and tidy ..my house is an absolute pit..Somehow I keep the bits people see looking ok. I never have friends over because I am ashamed .. I am a slave to gambling.. It has taken my whole life from me..I think it is time I really start to fight for freedom. I want to confide in my husband. He would help me but I don’t think he could cope with the worry. I have always been the strong one who carries him through his anxieties.. I feel unloved.. I feel no one cares… I feel alone..I can’t meet people eyes as I am afraid they can see the addiction in them……….now moving forward… Time to ***** my blessings and get my head thinking straight. I am caring mother despite all. My son is an absolute joy and I feel so proud of the young man he is becoming. His friends love coming to our house so I must make them feel welcome.they seem not to notice or care about the mess! Lol! I have a addiction but it is not the worse one..it has not destroyed my liver, or made me paranoid or caused me to ***** or hurt others .. I need to focus on positive stuff. I am going to start by cleaning my bedroom …anybody got a digger I can borrow?? It ***** it. I need to get over the pride that is keeping me in this addiction. The pride that stops me going to GA.. The pride that makes me hide my gambling… The pride that wants a huge win so I can be seen as successful. Think that is my ramble over. I am eleven minutes into my recovery!!!9 September 2013 at 7:21 am #9290AnonymousGuest
This will be my last post for a while. New barrier is getting rid of Internet access.. Talk to you all soon …9 September 2013 at 12:47 pm #9291cat438Participant
(((Sad68))) try to talk to your hubby or go to counseling for support. I did not tell my hubby, but he knew I was going to the Casino way to much. I was lieing and sneaking out from work. I went for counseling and talked to Harry and others on here. It was a God send and without them I don’t know what I would have done. Is there a way for someone else to put the blockers on your computer and then they would have the password? You are worth fighting for and you can do it, have faith in yourself and keep going!!! One day at a time my sweet lord…9 September 2013 at 3:34 pm #9292pParticipant
I loved your post though i felt the pain because i am there too. Feeling the consequences of my relapse. We will get through this sad, i think it just takes some longer than others but eventually if we keep trying, it will happen. Im telling myself that too. I have to find the positives there are too many negatives and i am glad you looked at them too. Lets start recovery
P23 September 2013 at 11:47 pm #9293AnonymousGuest
This new site seems so much more difficult to navigate, so here goes. I have been doing quite well. I am currently doing a course on line called higher stakes . It is a website called setting captives free. It might interest anyone who is christian. I have had a few slips but in general it is very good. Unfortunately I am at a part of the course where I need to be accountable to another person. This is a stumbling block for me because there is no one i could possibly tell . I hope everyone is doing well. I am not on very much anymore as I try to limit my Internet access, but I think about you all . I miss my old friends on here fromEngland and wonder how they are doing. It is kinda sad that someone can just pull the plug on so many friendships, because of red tape or whatever. But I suppose red tape governs all our lives..
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