[iamlost74]

I feel so lost and I really do not know how to go on anymore. I found this site yesterday night when I couldn’t sleep (again). My husband is a (recovering?)gambler (online trading) _ currently going to GA meetings but seems to be getting madder or more frustrated everyday (we have been married almost 15 years (parents to two beautiful premee angels up in heaven) and since the first day I met him he has been the love of my life). BUT last Halloween night at 7pm my life stopped as I knew it. He told me he emptied our bank account (regular+savings)- during a time he knew I wouldn’t be checking them online as I was very busy with my parents. I was devastated but worst was yet to come. The next day (no sleep for me that night but he slept on the couch peacefully-he said he loves falling a sleep because that is how he deals with it all) around lunch time he came clean that he maxed out our credit cards (the ones we never used- I never even activated mine) $46,000 and he changed the mailing address to his work so I wound’t find out.
Since that first night he blamed everyone. He did apologize many times but they don’t mean anything when they are followed by turning mad afterwards (he was never this person). We have been trying to work it out but it is not working. We might be doing great as long as we do not talk about the situation but if we do the tiniest spark makes the biggest fire. We are suppose to go to therapy but I don’t know (I just don’t know about anything anymore). We can’t keep our house of 13 years as we remortgaged before and he lost all of it online trading few years back. He said he would never to do it again (begged+cried) and he didn’t for a long time (maybe 5 years- as far as I know).
I am packing my stuff (but I feel like I can make it all better if I tried harder). I feel guilty like I am giving up and I just don’t know what my next step should be. My parents opened their home for me. Currently I have the whole financial control (banks+credit cards etc-he gives me his pay checks-he has no credit cards or anything_I just give him cash) and he signed post-nup saying debts are not mine. I can’t stop blaming myself and keep asking what if what if. I get mad and frustrated very quickly and I didn’t have one tear free day yet but it is all becoming too much to handle. What am I suppose to do? Does it really get better? will I ever feel normal ? (I am so sorry this is so long-1st time in about ten months I feel like I can talk (write) and someone will understand me. (if I am posting this at the wrong area please feel free to move it)

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