22 February 2023 at 11:26 am #172001kayxoParticipant
Been struggling with depression, replacing one addiction for another the past 12+ years, this is the most damaging personally. Mentally physically spiritually & of course, financially. I’m so good at seeming so together, no one in my life would ever assume I’d be struggling like this, nor would I want them too.
March of 2022, at 29 years old I finally forced myself to get my drivers licence after letting anxiety hold me back. For a few months I finally started to feel ok for the first time in my adult life, able to go do stuff, I enjoyed the nice weather & the sunshine, when I was more of a sit in the dark & sleep kind of person.
June 2022, online gambling became a problem. It went from the best to the worst summer very quickly & has only been getting worse. I feel more down then ever before, started smoking again after quitting in 2017. Began skin picking to the point of having open wounds. I don’t know why I can’t find a healthy addiction or why patterns just keep repeating themselves.
Im also a single mom & the guilt kills me. Not so much the money aspect of it, I tried my best not to let him see the struggle, but the time spent spinning a virtual wheel instead of making memories, getting cranky a lot, slacking on responsibilities around the house. Even finding it hard to crack a smile. I haven’t been the mom he deserves.
But I will say, there is a plus side. This addiction truly brought me to my rock bottom & made me realize I need to do better & want better for myself & my son. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t want him to remember me this way.
Today I set 1 year self exclusions & deleted my PayPal account. Really going to try my hardest to make up for these past 7 months & pay off everything I owe & start planning towards a better future.
22 February 2023 at 11:31 am #172058monicaParticipant
Hello Kayxo and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums.
I’m glad to see the steps you’ve made: you came here, you found the courage to talk a little about your difficulties and you started self-excluding yourself. These are all practical and crucial steps that can support you during recovery. And your son can be a big motivation during the process.
Here at Gambling Therapy, we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum, you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum, so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group on Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
- This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by monica.
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