[ttxlp9]

I’ve just joined the forum. I’ve been gambling online for over a year now and have won and lost thousands of pounds. I’ve almost lost my house, it was threatened with auction – although my husband is helping me with that and have maxed out every credit card and every bit of credit that I have. The problem is that I don’t work at the moment. My husband works and earns very well but he keeps the money for investing in the future. I get a living allowance from him that I have to use to buy food and school uniforms and so on, but it is not enough to do this so I’m constantly juggling. I started gambling because it enabled me to win some extra cash and the truth is that I pretty much always win (or at least double what I started with) but then I always lose it again as I start betting higher and higher and throwing the money away. I don’t know what is wrong with me but clearly this is not working as the gambling has now gotten me to the point where I am in so much trouble and I have no idea of how to fix it. My parents are not well off at all and can’t help. I’ve spoken to my husband and told him that I have a gambling problem and in fact asked if he would pay for me to buy betfilter software to protect my computer, but he didn’t want to ‘waste the money’ as all I need to do is stop he says. I’ve told him that I am in trouble with my bank cards which are now overdrawn and which need to be sorted out, but he shrugged to that one and so I’m left trying to work out how to pay for this wihtout a job. I can’t work until January next year as I have a scholarship with disallows me from working for more than 4 hours a week and if I don’t finish my programme then I have to pay the scholarship back which will be even more debt. I’m in real trouble here. I’ve bought the betfilter software anyway and put it on my computer (now more in debt, but anyway it was necessary). My life feels so worthless at the moment. If I didn’t have my child I would struggle to find a reason to go on living. I’m hoping and praying that I can make it thrugh the next 6 months and that I can start work next year and start earning so that I can get out of this trouble. I have no idea, week for week how I am going to feed us and cover my debt on the allowance that my husband gives me and I can’t stop thinking about gambling as a solution to this. I keep saying to myself that maybe I should just do one more heavy session and then I can clean this all up and get on it with. But I know that it doesn’t work like that and its more likely that I’ll end up losing whatever I win and the initial amount that I put into the casino. I would prefer to go to counselling and to talk to someone face to face (although I appreciate this space and all the experiences shared), but that takes money and I don’t have any. I appreciate this space as I can at least talk to people and share what I’m feeling. This is the first time that I’ve shared everything to somebody – it feels so good to get it off ones chest.
 

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