Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum Friends and Family New to site, spouse (and enabler) of a CG…time for me to change

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  • #4653
    ddbaker7
    Participant

    Hi all,
    My story begins as many of F&F. I knew nothing of my spouse’s habit until my spouse and spouse’s sibling celebrated at big cash out (>10K). I was very niave at the time and could not see what angst this discovery would bring some 10 years later. This initial disclosure to me was definitely not the start of it all…answers so many questions of why we were never able to get ahead when I wasn’t the one responsible for paying our bills. I was blamed for changing once I started making money and was chastised for not complaining about it when the big win occurred. With Hindsight being 20/20, I would never have allowed big items be installed in our home or accepted a designer bag with gambling earnings. I was participating in the addiction and quickly tried to remedy by forbidding any purchases for kids,house,myself from CG payouts. I earn more than my spouse and am frequently called selfish for my slow progress in separating our finances. For instance we once lived in an apt and stayed behind on the rent. I was paying the rent and sent spouse with a money order to get us current. That payment never made it to the office…no remorse when confronted about it..always an excuse for why bills can get put off for later (to support the habit). Proceeded to purchase a home in my name and met with the same behaviors…at first spouse promised to stop for me/marriage but never admitted there was a problem. Joint credit cards were abused on gambling (since closed). Entire saving acct blown (of which I am the only contributor btw) which I allowed by ignoring the big pink elephant in the room. Since then have put all major earning of mine in personal account whic was met with much anger and resistance mind you. Since then the CG has continued and argues now that we should just live financially separate (yea right while I pay BOTH our mortgage and most other major bills since my income is greater) . I continued to enable when our investment property is paid for by me but our tenants submit payment to spouse…last straw (?!finally some may be thinking) was seeing spouse not pay bills but spend the monthy investment on gambling. I have served as an enabler all these years and have tried all the things to make things work for us. But I realize that at the end of it all, with addiction there must be admission of a problem/illness/disease before healing can begin and parties involved and ultimately affected my change themselves to achieve peace. Currently my spouse vehemently denies that a problem exists and I am called selfish for my reactions. I finally own my selfishness as a means of protecting me and my kids. Time to make some real moves. Any advice on the legal aspect of separation/divorce when the CG is not the financial supporter of the family? Much appreciation for those experiencing the same trials of having a loved one suffering from addiction and available to impart advice!
    CJM

    #4654
    velvet
    Moderator

    <

    Hello dd

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4655
    ThreeTimer
    Participant

    Currently in the planning stage of leaving my cg common law. we have 1 boy. he is 4. both love him to death! The wedding is off but my cg knows nothing yet. Im getting ducks in a row for bill and finances and landlord and vehicle before I pop the news. Planning is going to help me through this. I am sad and I love him dearly. but my name ThreeTimer comes from relationships with 3 of them. 3 gamblers!!!!
    I wish you all the best and am here for support and expect the same…..thanks

    #4656
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Three Timer
    the individual support is here for you but please start your own thread.
    I cannot support you on someone else’s thread
    Hope to hear from you soon
    Velvet

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