[kb]

January my husband and I will celebrate our first wedding anniversary. We have been together for a total of 4 years and I never knew he was a CG until after we got married. I accept this is an addiction and he has little control over it. After too many broken promises I took control of our finances and now hold all money, debit cards, and checks under lock and key. When I approached him with this new plan he was understanding (it was after he screwed up pretty bad so he was very remorseful). My problem is he works 3rd shift and had asked me to leave the bank card out for him so he could buy something when he got off work. I told him I was uncomfortable doing that and I would get him cash the next day after I woke up. This made him very angry. He claimed that he had been “good” the last time he was given some financial responsibility. I told him how proud I was of his accomplishment but that it didnt change the fact that he had been good for months in the past only to slip up one day and lose all of our money. I am tired of this cycle of anger, resentment, forgiveness, regained trust, broken trust,….and so forth. I am sticking to my guns this time and NOT allowing him to have access to money without my supervision. He is currently furious with me and I dont know what to do. Is this his addiction that is making him angry? Am I hurting his ego by basically treating him like a child? How do I stay firm yet not make my husband feel like less of a person? He is the bread winner of the family. I am a stay at home mom and wife. I feel bad that he works so hard and is not allowed spend freely. I also am afraid that any day we can be penny-less until his next payday. How do I handle this new responsibility and still allow my husband to be “man of the house”?

[janey1]

Wow, I can hear a lot of frustration in your post. Thank you for sharing such raw emotions with us, I know it can’t have been easy KB.

In order to access support from other friends and family members you will need to copy and paste this post into the “Friends and Family” forum so people can read it and respond to it. Friends and family members often only read the F&F forum so they will likely have missed your post here so please don’t feel ignored. You are far from alone here 🙂

I look forward to getting to know you better.

Take care
Janey

[kb]

Thank You Janey for your reply and concern. I have also posted this in the F&F forum amd have received hreat support and advice. As the title to my post says I am new to this life and am one that need all the information I can get in order to make confident decisions. I like hearing from F&F because they understand exactly what I am going through and how I am feeling but I also want/need to hear from CG as well so I can understand what my husband feels and what he is going through. I feel that is important if I am going to support, love, fight, and continue to keep our marriage strong. Im in this with him forever until death do us part. That was my promise to him, God, and our family. So his side of things are just as important as mine. Someone has already suggested the support groups and I will definitely give those a shot. Again thank you so much. I am so glad I found this site as I have no one else to talk to about this as I do not want to involve others in our life as I feel they will not truely understand and it may only cause unwanted judgement.

[Author]

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