[schnauzerlvr]

I live in Las Vegas addicted to video poker alone and sad. I have not destroyed my life but only get buy due to the addiction I just need to stop rather than not go for awhile and then loose what little money I have when I decide to go back out. H ave been to GA in the past but never stuck it out. I had a compulsive girl friend to share my addiction with but thankfully parted ways with that. I have had enough and need a place like this as a outlet to help fill my time and use as a daily reminder/journal to keep me level. I am alone as I should be sense I am not healthy enough to be with anyone and that is ok. I know in my heart that this is all I will have till I end this huge problem once and for all, I life lived alone.

[stormy]

Hi schnauzerlvr,

and welcome to GT. living in Las Vegas must be tough with all the temptations around you.
My advice to you is to stick to GA and dont give up on it. Open yourself more in the meetings and share with your fellow CGs. And yes, you should use this as a daily reminder to combat gambling. Hope to see you posting here more frequently.

Best wishes,
Stormy."The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket."

[memento]

Hi ,Schnauzerlvr .
I am new to the site as well as confessing that I have a gambling problem.
I havn’t destroyed my live neither but I am very close to it so I think we should all remember what life used to be when the gambling wasnt part of it.
For me it will take some time to return all the debts I made but I know that if I dont gamble anymore that day will arrive. Its gonna be hard but we can make it.We can beat this illness .
There is nothing stronger than the human will and I think each one of us has plenty of it.
I suppose its hard for you not to think for gambling as you are surrounded by it , but just keep a picture in your head of what the life was without gambling and what life could be without it. For me that picture looks far better than the current one so I dont wanna gamble again ever.
Wish you good luck mate.

[schnauzerlvr]

Hi all and thanks for adding words shared from experience and the heart. I have seen it all living in las vegas and work with addicted gamblers as I am one of them but the desire to stop is there. I at least know now to pay bills as best I can and make sure I buy food for the week so that I don’t go hungry as I have in the past because when we go out there we never think about anything once the first bet is placed we are basically insane and have lost all control. I no longer think about adding the days free from gambling for they have no meaning but I used to,now only today matters. I am very alone and would like to meet a nice girl but I am not anywhere close to deserving that. I do feel better today knowing that I an here on this site with a place to be honest and un judged. I have done this to myself and except it.
Take care.

[trulyshi]

Hi Schnauz and welcome to GT.  It’s funny how, as a compulsive gambler, I felt I was in total control when I was sitting at a slot machine.  No one was going to tell me what to do, and if I wanted to gamble – well it was my money and I’d darn well do it.  The sad truth of the matter, as you pointed out, is that I was out of control and just the opposite was true.  Gambling controlled every aspect of my life.  I was immune to things that were going on around me and being done to me.  Reality is harsh, and there is no immediate fairy tale ending when you stop gambling.  I was wrong on that ***** too, I expected everything to be rosy and that money would start building up in my ac***** right away and debts would magically control themselves.  ‘I’m very slowly regaining control of my life now and will continue forward.  Best of luck to you and keep journalling.  Debbie

[paul315]

Originally posted by schnauzerlvr

than not go for awhile ….
Good morning Schnauzerlvr, my name is Larry and I am a compulsive gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009. Welcome to GT, a place for those that are adversely affected by gambling. A place for you, and a place for those that you feel a need to be or found yourself separated from because of this illness; each of you have been adversely affected.
These others can also use the services here (the Friends & Family Forum and Chat Room, the Live Advice Helpline, and the Community Chat Room) to help in understanding your addiction, understanding their hurt and uncertainties, and learning the positive ways to support you while protecting themselves as you rebuild your life. It doesn’t have to be 1 life lived alone, but it will be without you making changes, and being Honest, Openminded, and Willing – the key words for HOW recovery works.  The wedge that gambling drives between you will only widen by time and callousness if not faced head on. 
You mention your desire to stop rather than to control, this is a more positive approach to this addiction and will prove more beneficial in the end. Once we reignite the flame, or poke the monster, after a time of absence it seems to burn stronger, and consume more.  You also mentioned attending Gamblers Anonymous but not following through; the principles of GA are based on stopping and not controlling, so it might be a good step for you to take and start attending meetings again, sticking it out, and practicing the 12 Steps of Recovery. GT is a great source of help and support, but some CGs need more . We all need to do all we can to combat this disease and stay gambling free, and live meetings may be the help that will carry you through; it you carry through with them — "recovery works if we work it, but don’t if we don’t".
Keep coming back here, participating in the services offered, read the post of others and follow the advice and suggestions that are helping them progress; do all you can to help you to be the person that you are meant to be, to be a life living free.
God’s speed, use your Higher Power to guide and strengthen you.LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all , I will continue to remain gambling free.

[schnauzerlvr]

*****, a very long day at work and another week that I will make back what I lost last week on the machines but it always seems to be that way but can I realize that what I hoped to win was nothing I ever needed in the first place and only cost me what I really needed to get by. I have been out there a very long time and have really seen it all and felt it all, the depression the hunger the ***** I should have been fired from a job close to being evicted and in some ways convicted, the break downs and all the up’s and downs the darkness and the thoughts of can I just end this once and for all only to fail time after time. Still here I am still fighting the same old demon the same thing week after week and I know the result that will come if I decide to try my luck because the outcome is always the same, I can never win enough and never will but I only know that when I am here in control, when I am out there I have no control and that is where the problem lies here at home or any where but there I am a same person out there I am insane. I have made strides for I now realize I can’t keep any extra money around and if I plan on eating I better by food as soon as I get paid and pay the bills in the same fashion but as crazy as it sounds that is a huge step in my recovery because that used to not happen. I pray I get to the next level from this but this is way better than what used to be. I can always make more money but what is peace in my life worth, am I willing to stay depressed just to play a machine am I willing to be alone to try to win something that is never enough am I willing to change?

[ilona4ka]

*****.
What is it like to live in Vegas?
Just wanted to wish you to be strong and gamble free this weekend. I found that for me the weekends are the hardest to keep clean.

[schnauzerlvr]

*****, I decided to not give in to the addiction today so a very small victory at best. I have been clean for awhile but only today matters for a whole lot of damage can be done in less than a hour. A good week so far lost money have been earned back and inside I know I have what I need to get by and possibly even a bit more so I don’t need to try to win anything extra for I have know use for it’ just as I have no reason to loose what I have but that is only one bad decision away but here and now I have clear thoughts. I really just need to fight off the same old excuse of I work hard and deserve to relax a bit but it is no game out there for lives are put at risk and the stakes are high. I like not being hungry after I worked all week and it is nice to have money in my pocket to get a meal with a friend, the normal things in life instead of the abnormal life I have led as a CG. I hope to take the time to come here and re,read these honest words I have choose to write when I want to spin out of control in the future for I know that time will come or look into the eyes of something I hold dear and see what a better person I could be if I find the strength to do so.
Schnauzerlvr

[memento]

Hey schnauzerlvr
CG life sucks!!!
And it sucks even more when you realize that if you wanna have a life at all you have to quit. You have to quit now , today , right here and right now.
Thats the time when you ask yourself , “How am I going to do this ” and “What am I going do , to clear the mess I turned my life into”.
But thats also the time when you see what a life without gambling could be.
Thats the time where you see that you can live without lies , self humiliation and depression( for the last one it will take a while I guess).
Thats the time when you see that the storm will end and the sun will come out.
No matter what damages the hurricane has done , they can be repaired.And once the storm has passed you see sadness and destruction. But you also see also hope.
Everything can and will go back to normal with the time.
And the only thing we have to do is Not to follow the storm as if we do we will never see the sun coming out and the hope it brings with it.
We should all be more possitive I think.What happened happened. The past is gone , can’t change it.But what we can change is our future and in order to do that we need to change our present.

Let the power be with you 😉

[schnauzerlvr]

***** short post for it is late and I worked 11 Hrs, could have been a good time to go and **** off for a while because I met my weekly goal and had a good week at work but it would have ended the same as 99% of the other ***** so I get to fall asleep relaxed and wake up in a better place than I would of had I chose to be out there. I went to the, well it really doe’s not matter because I did not end up out there.

[schnauzerlvr]

*****, I have been able to fight off the urges so far buy remembering that nothing ever changes out there. I seem to have what I need and it is nice to have $ in my pocket for normal things like a meal or whatever I may want. The problem is as I see it that correct choices are made when I am sane and in control but once I let just a little bad thinking in all sane choices can go out thee window. I can just go have a drink play a few dollars and be in control well if this were the case I would not find myself here and I would not be carrying all my $ with me, one push of the button and all is lost and that is always follow by depression and possibly much worse, I may not be able to eat have gas in my car and who knows what else and that is always because I was trying to win something I never needed. This addiction is not about $ it is about being lonely & sad and the thrill of hitting something to win I must stop and I just need to stay focused and busy on the positive.

[schnauzerlvr]

Another day with a victory.

[Author]

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