22 January 2013 at 8:13 pm #2036mac21Participant
I am seeking help as a wife and Mother affected by my husband’s gambling. I am currently on maternity leave with my first born son who is now 7 months old. My husband and I have been married just over a year. Although I was aware of his gambling prior to being married and having a child I did not know the severity of it. I know he liked to buy proline tickets and gamble on sports online but I honestly thought it was more of a hobby than a real issue. When I would confront him about it he would deny it get angry and refuse to admit there was a problem. I began to realize that I make a good living and we have NO money, he constantly tells me not to spend any money and gets angry if I do. We have had many arguments about his gambling and I have made many empty threats as he has empty promises. Shortly after our son was born he came to me and admitted to his problem and said it was the hardest thing he has ever done. He has not gambled since (to my knowledge) but slowly over the course of 7 months he has told me the truth. At first he owed 5,000 on one credit card then a few months later another 3,000 etc…..he sold his truck our hot tub the boat and we will be moving into a smaller house in the spring to try and get back on our feet. Now, he told me yesterday he has an outstanding debt of 12,000. He has agreed to go get help and he made an appointment for the both of us with a counsellor. The problem is I do not know if this relationship can be repaired? I am tired of the lying, I do not trust him, I feel betrayed and have serious doubts that he can control this. I feel like he is dragging me down with him and put me and his family in a position that I never thought I would be in. I have packed his bags numerous times but I feel very conflicted in doing this as I love him and feel like I need to support him through his recovery. The hard part is not knowing if this is going to be the one time he gets better or am I going to get another surprise in a months time and feel walked all over and used and abused again? I’m at a loss of what to do, how to help him, where to start…..or does he need a sever consequence like losing his family to change? I am so confused…..3 February 2013 at 2:36 pm #2037mac21Participant
Hi new2GT! I hear where you are coming from and I do not think that our situations are that different. No matter how much money one has it is still a problem that we strive to resolve. One might feel a lot more stress or pressure if debt has been accumulated but at the end of the day it is still something you wish to help your husband with. And as you said the gambling produces other anxieties along with it…like him staying out causes you worry and fear. I know for me, I think my husband has truly hit rock bottom. He feels so terrible about himself that he had no choice but to come clean and start making changes. I think he felt in his heart that it was that or eventually lose his family. I am happy to say he took some steps this week and attended addictions counselling. They also assigned me to a seperate counsellor so that I can get help dealing with it and learn appropriate ways to help and support him. Because I must say in ***** of anger I do yell or insult him or shame him into changing…which obviuosly didn’t work. I hope things get better for you, from what I read it’s a long tough road with many ups and downs but it can be controlled and thats what I remain hopeful for. I too want a new beginning with him, so I hope we can achieve that one day. Trust takes a long time to rebuild, so one day at a time right!4 February 2013 at 4:50 am #2038sosadParticipant
I’m glad you have found this site. I have found so much help and support here and I know you will continue to as well. It sounds encouraging that your husband has been willing and actually attended counselling and you are getting support there too.
It does take time for trust to rebuild as you say, and its so challenging while you are waiting for something to sink your teeth into that allows you to start trusting. It feels so awful to not trust someone you love and to wonder what will happen in the future.
I don’t feel like I can offer much in the way of help as I am still trying to figure things out for myself, but wanted you to know that I had read and am thinking about you and wishing you both all the best. You sound very strong and clear minded!
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