Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #9099
    buffdazza
    Participant

    For some gambling can be a recreation like playing tennis or no more dangerous than taking a dog for a walk. For some others, for me, it can consume, dominate and destroy life which was once full of hope and possibilities. 25yrs of hardcore gambling which left me a mere existence of pain. Not just my own, a wife with two beautiful daughters who were ‘never enough’, parents who were left heartbroken by not one but both of their sons. Friends. Colleagues. All because I had to gamble. The worse of which was 2yrs ago when i committed an act to ‘get money’. I didn’t go to prison but my life was over. Confidence gone and suicide an ever alluring option. Then I found rehab, Gambling rehab! It meant leaving my family for 14wks and facing my demons head on. I did it! Gordon Moody in Beckenham. They helped put Humpty Dumpty together again. I returned to my loving family last weekend and have a real, positive future. I also lost almost 3stone in weight whilst in treatment showing the healthy mind allowing a healthy body to emerge. I look forward to continuing my recovery and hearing from anyone who has the time to post/chat. Everyone is precious and the illness of addiction, maybe, cannot be helped..but it can be fought. Thank you x
    When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that… you find someone to carry you.

    #9100
    buffdazza
    Participant

    Thanx K! It’s been a full week since leaving treatment and an amazing one it has been. We went away to an beautifully peacuful part of the countryside and spent three nights in a tent as a family who had spent over 3 months apart. The weather was gorgeous and on Friday/Saturday we joined the other 404,000 people on Bournemouth beach to enjoy the Air Festival. When we are gambling the joy of a sunset or half an hour watching the world go by are so far removed from our thinking. I am pleased not to have had any gambling urges and know it is early days so won’t be complacent. I have found certain areas of my personality are still troublesome and will be working on that too. A busy week though coming up, day trip to the Channel Islands on wednesday and then my eldest daughter starts junior school on Thursday. God bless everyone trying to keep clean x
    When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that… you find someone to carry you.

    #9101
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    Hi Buffdazza, A Warm Welcome to Gambling Therapy
    Having found us you have also found a diverse community who can help and support you on your recovery journey. Your find folk from all parts of the world and also many like myself who have benefited from Gordon House

    Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and non-judgemental environment and by reading others stories am sure you will see that you are very much not alone in this addiction
    Please click here to see our services page, feel free to use all that this site can offer…
    To chat with others in real time you may wish to make use of the support groups, the ***** of these groups are advertised under "What’s on and When" or click here to see the weekly group schedule.
    For one to one chat you may want to try the live advice helpline. Click "connect" when these options become available.
    Also to say when you registered we would have sent you an email with an attachment, this attachment will help you navigate the site and find the support you so rightly deserve, alternatively this guide can be downloaded by clicking here.  
    Take Care
    Harry
    25 year poker player, 25 year Hierarchal fool, 25 year ego boost…  Intellectualisation was my down fall, simplicity was my salvation

    #9102
    buffdazza
    Participant

    The elation of being home is beginning to normalise. Routine stuff of shopping and cleaning. Though, to be honest, when ‘in action’ those two things would be resented at best, ignored mainly, to accommodate all the gambling thoughts, playing, ***** and desperation. So maybe a routine day is actually a great sign? We have largely gone without any credit for our 6 of our 8yrs of marriage thanks to my **** ups with loans, credit cards and gambling debts, not even a debit card which makes things difficult. Whenever we did have one, i would find my way to use it for a ‘free bet’ or ‘guess’ the PIN to withdraw the little cash in the bank we had. But today, after two years of a basic basic account, we went to the bank and much to my wife’s surprise (but not mine) she was given an account with a debit card. We have made it so she can transfer funds to the account with the debit card as & when we need to buy things with it. My idea! Means i cannot manipulate it in any way. It’s good to be aware of the devil inside and keep it from getting any power.
    Shame the GH ex-resident’s forum is down tonight. I was looking forward to my first session. It’s nice to have this forum to write down my thoughts.
    The next door neighbours, who are friends, are seperating and HE is distraught. 10yrs younger than me and they have a child. Their relationship is ending because she ‘doesn’t love him anymore’. Makes me wonder if that will ever happen to me. Their lives were free from the destruction on gambling unlike ours and yet we are still, i guess you could call it, a happy married couple. Before treatment i would not have coped at all with losing my partner. Now, although it’s the last thing i want, i feel i could cope without destroying myself and still lead a happy life. Things change.
    When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that… you find someone to carry you.

    #9103
    buffdazza
    Participant

    Can anyone tell me how/if you can edit your own post or at least make it so there’s paragraphs instead of this big block of text?? Thanx x
    When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that… you find someone to carry you.

    #9104
    adele
    Participant

    — 9/7/2013 2:31:31 AM: post edited by adele.

    #9105
    adele
    Participant

    oops, posted twice– 9/3/2013 6:05:57 PM: post edited by adele.

    #9106
    adele
    Participant

    — 9/7/2013 2:33:33 AM: post edited by adele.

    #9107
    adele
    Participant

    Hi BD,

    It is good to see someone new coming from rehab with such a positive attitude and determination to stay in recovery! You give me hope that my husband can recover someday and “come home to me”. I’m sure your wife and family are very proud for you and happy to have you home.

    To edit your posts in the forums, just click on the little yellow icon in the left column by the date.

    If you want paragraphs you can write your post in a word processor then copy and paste it in the post box on the forum. I’m using Notes on my iPad double spacing between paragraphs which doesn’t always work… lol

    When you go to paste your post, you will get 3 pop ups:
    Click “Allow” in the first one,
    Click “Cancel” in the second one (don’t let it clean up the text),
    Click “Allow” again in the third one.

    This is the only way I’ve found to get nice neat posts … hope it works for you.

    I’m wishing you the best in your recovery.

    Adele

    #9108
    buffdazza
    Participant

    Adele, thank you! That made my heart ache when i saw you say “come home to me” about your husband. How long has it been? I guess you already know that compulsive gamblers can be good people although we inevitably do ‘bad things’. I enjoy being on this forum and would like to interact with others. Maybe if you get a few mins, it would be nice to hear about how you are coping and what happened. Godspeed Adele. Much love and support from the other side of the Atlantic. And thanx, for the advice (nearly said tips – lol) on the text. Would have thought they’d have made it easier than that but hey. Speak again?
    When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that… you find someone to carry you.

    #9109
    nomore 56
    Participant

    Hi Buffdazza, Adele felt like coming home and I feel like I know you! LOL. My hb gambled for most of our married life, meaning he gambled when I first met him (I had no clue) and finally started on his journey of recovery 26 years later. He has been gamble free now for almost 4 years, you do the math. Our marriage did not survive the horrible path he traveled on for so long and dragged our daughter and me along for the ride. We are still legally married for financial reasons but were able to create a kind of friendship, out of necessity mostly but it is working. Reading your posts it feels pretty much like talking to him these days. The changes he made are remarkable and he has become a whole different person altogether. I like to think that he has finally grown up and is now the man he was meant to be. I just had to say this because I know that a lot of cgs just “arrest” their addiction but stay pretty much in relapse **** even if they never gamble again in their life. I had to read a book called “The relapse syndrom” for my college classes and it opened my eyes really wide! Anywho, i root for you and your family, keep up the good work! Here is another idea how to get format your posts. I am using some microsoft program for my iMac and found out that it works just fine when I don’t use google chrome as a browser but firefox or safari instead. Maybe it helps? 🙂

    #9110
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hi Dazza,
    Great to see you online. Do keep reading and posting away, I’m sure you’ll really benefit from it.
    Dave

    #9111
    buffdazza
    Participant

    Feeling very down tonight, and not sure why? Been home two weeks and had a near-perfect time. Got upset earlier when shopping with my wife for new shoes for Calleigh, our youngest. That was nice. But then we bought me some new trousers and she insisted on me getting new shoes. It really affected me because i became overwhelmed with guilt at what i had done in gambling. I felt like i was being rewarded and didn’t want that. I bought her a helium balloon and silly little ornament + card to say ‘Thanks’. It’s pathetic really. She liked it but what am i doing?? I have the most beautiful family and sometimes, like today, think it would be better for them if i just **** so they can remember and be happy. I cannot handle hurting them again – ever! I have not gambled at all, or acted out but feel very uneasy 🙁 When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that… you find someone to carry you.

    #9112
    adele
    Participant

    Dear BD ….. Your gifts were sweet and thoughtful – not pathetic in any way! – and I am sure they were appreciated more than you realize…. I can only imagine that what you are feeling must be normal for someone adjusting to life after rehab – which certainly doesn’t make it any easier to experience I’m sure….. I so wish I knew the right words to say… Of course I don’t, but I want you to “hear” someone say that your beautiful family could not possibly be happy if you were to die. You have so much to look forward to living gamble free! Life is never perfect for anyone, but you can get through this “imperfect” moment and go on to make good memories for you and your family. Do you have a sponsor or someone you can call at ***** like this? You’ve come so far … hang in there….. Adele

    #9113
    buffdazza
    Participant

    Thank you Adele. I feel a little brighter today. I guess it’s all a process and the euphoria from being home/away from the haven of rehab would diminish at some point. I have a 1to1 over the phone later this morning and that will no doubt help. I am grateful for all the wonderful things and know i am blessed in so many ways. The only unknown variable is me! Wish you a lovely weekend Adele. xWhen you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that… you find someone to carry you.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.