Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum My Journal Okay here goes, first day…….Again!

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 33 total)
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  • #10915
    akapmat
    Participant

    Said it to myself many times before, "I am going to stop gambling," so hopefully using this site and forum will help me stay the course.
    Sick of the way gambling controls me physically, emotionally and socially. Slept well last night, not checking scores and not thinking about what games I would be picking today. I found this site last night before I went to bed, convinced myself I would give this a try. Just being able to communicate, through writing, is already a positive.
    This will be the last time, I say, "I am going to stop gambling." Thanks for reading and good luck to all beating this terrible addiction. Day one……….so far so good.

    #10916
    neva
    Participant

    I’m very happy for you making it through the long weekend without gambling!  I’m also anti-social so I know how you feel.  I tried to make an excuse to avoid going to my in-laws for Easter but didn’t want to disappoint them so I went…and as usual had a wonderful time.  Don’t know why it’s so hard to get out and about…maybe all those years in front of a slot machine stunted our ability to look forward to being with people.  Maybe the time will eventually come where we enjoy being with family and friends and not want to waste time in a casino. That’s what we’re working for.

    #10917
    akapmat
    Participant

    Missed my entry yesterday, due to be being crazy busy. Good news, no thoughts of putting a bet on. Today, pretty much the same. Clearly, it’s the weekends that are going to be the issue. Baseball season started and I didn’t place a bet on season totals, meaning I don’t have to follow a team he entire summer. Big, big decisions about work this week. Extra work, extra money, possibility of being out of debt by the summer. However, been here before, but this time I have a sense of purpose, it’s only 3 months and I can clear my cc debt for good and then close the accounts!
    Neva, laughed at your comment. I hope you are staying strong and finding ways to become more social. I figure dealing with one issue at a time is a good enough. I can work on being pleasant to other people when I clear my debt.
    Definitely feel good about writing this entry, it does help to see things in word and get it off my chest.
    Things can change quickly, remaining vigilant……Odaat.

    #10918
    akapmat
    Participant

    Day 12…..done!
    I really don’t have too much to write, but I made a promise to myself when I started that I would take time to gather my thoughts and write them down. It’s good to check in and remind myself, that even though I am feeling better, I have just started, (odaat) Positive thoughts to all……

    #10919
    vera
    Participant

    Well done on checking in on youself Aka!
    The day/night we stop doing that is the time we are liable to slide away to our secret life!
    You are forming a good habit!

    #10920
    akapmat
    Participant

    Wonder if anyone has had this thought or is it just me……..
    I am a cg trying to stop, doing well, day 13 done! As a result of making a positive change, something negative just got thrown at me and I wonder if its because I stopped gambling? Would it have happened if I kept gambling? I know it’s stupid of me to think like this, reverse karma, does it exist? So, is it just me and my pessimistic, self-loathing gambling personality shining through?

    #10921
    akapmat
    Participant

    Well it’s two weeks since I last had a wager. One of my barriers is still down due to the cc company and I have not been tempted to use it……pretty good. Hoping to pay about 10% of my debt off in the next 10 days, so will then request a lower limit on my cc. It’s an achievable goal and within touching distance, so fingers crossed that I stick to the plan.
    Weekend, my weakness, ahead, lots of things on my mind including betting. Feeling pretty down, but for other reasons not gambling related. When I feel like this, I usually escape to the world of gambling. Worst thing I can do is to start feeling sorry for myself, but hard not to.
    Odaat……next 48 hours, it will be more like a minute at a time.

    #10922
    akapmat
    Participant

    Urges are incredibly strong to bet………3pm kick offs just around the corner. I have a game picked, can’t lose! I know how to get money into my account, so very tempting. Going to try the chat room. hopefully there is someone to talk to. The next 50 minutes are going to feel like forever.

    #10923
    akapmat
    Participant

    Crisis averted, didn’t give into temptation (for now)………unfortunately, I will now be pre-occupied for the next two hours checking the score of the game I was going to pick.
    What a great way to start the weekend! I am cold, miserable and my head is spinning. Maybe, I need to find a job at the weekend to keep me busy because this is ridiculous what I am going through right now.

    #10924
    akapmat
    Participant

    Well, day 15 is over, probably the worst day yet.
    Of course the team I picked, won! Not sure, what I am most annoyed about, the fact that I put myself in the position to wager, or I wasted a day thinking about gambling? I am surprised that I didn’t gamble, should feel good, but I don’t. Not sure what I feel, just mentally exhausted.
    Odaat…..

    #10925
    neva
    Participant

    Congratulations on your clean time.  As someone who has many relapses over the year, the best thing you can do for yourself is to put barriers in place where you can’t access money for gambling.  That way you don’t have to fight the urges because there isn’t an option to gamble.  Just letting you know because making sure I can’t get money for gambling has made recovery a lot easier and I think it will for you too.

    #10926
    akapmat
    Participant

    Terrible weekend at least I didn’t gamble! Tomorrow is going to be a nightmare, don’t know how I am going to react before, during and after. Hoping I can stay strong for everyone!
    odaat………

    #10927
    vera
    Participant

    Why is today going to be a nightmare Aka? Whats happening?

    #10928
    akapmat
    Participant

    Vera…..just an awful, awful day. Had to put my dog to sleep after discovering he was riddled with cancer. Found out about a month ago, watched his health decline quickly and had to make the decision to end his suffering. He was my buddy, the first thing I was ever responsible for on my own. Now he is gone…………then telling my 6 year old daughter the news, just completed a terrible day.
    So I decided to stop gambling and boom it coincides with the news of my dog having cancer……….
    odaat!
     

    #10929
    Anonymous
    Guest

    So sorry for your loss, Akapmat.  It is devastating to lose a pet … truly like losing a family member.  It must have broken your heart to relay the information to your six year old.  My sixteen year old still says my husband and I "killed" our kitty and our guinea pig when we had them put to sleep.  No matter what I say, he still considers that we did them in.  Our dog is 10 and still in good health.  I dread the day when we face that awful decision.  Thinking of you and wishing you and your family comfort and peace.  RG

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