Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum My Journal On the edge!! If i lose them , I risk losing everything….

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  • #9607
    bullet_7
    Participant

    So, Im here ……i Guess thats a start?!?!
    Im 28 and have gambled since i was 16,I reckon a loss of 75 Grand is what im looking at over the 12 years. Ive known ive had a problem for around 5 years, I have an easy time admitting this to myself and have always kind of accepted thats how life is going to be…… however.
    I look around and see my friends all buying cars, houses, getting married, having babies……….its killing me!!, I earn more than them all, i should have this , i want this, i need this.
    For the last 4 years , the most incredible, selfless, caring, beautiful, amazing woman has put up with me, when i met her ,her little girl was 3, shes now 7,( this little girl is now mine, her dads an arsehole and i love her like she is my own) i provide for them both, she works but earns a pittence. Over the years, not once has she asked me why i never have any money despite earing quite a decent wage, ive lied over the years and said im helping family out and im paying off debt etc, but , ive always provided, weve been on holidays, ive spent extra at xmas to cover and then say ive been saving up, buts its all a lie, ive borrowed money from everywhere, brother , friends , pay day loans, credit cards. 
    At present I owe the following:
    Friend: £5000/credit cards:£1200/Payday loans: £1300, I have a £200 a month phone bill becuase i bought phones and i pads and sold them to fund the habit.
    This month , ive tried to keep up with everything , ive been on stag doos and weddings to try and keep the pretence that nothing is wrong. I CANT DO IT NO MORE!!!,  I have £12.50 left and dont get paid for four weeks, I owe my friend £500 for this months payment to him, i owe the two payday loans, im overdrawn on 3 credit cards!!!….which is bad,….i have one of my best mates weddings in two weeks, ive got the hotel and everything to pay for…this is really bad………then comes the biggest thing , i think the thing that has tipped me to be honest, in three weeks, its my little girls birthday,what the f*ck kind of person does this,!!! what am i supposed to tell my girlfriend!
    Now the question that i have asked myself, do i want to stop…yes! i do , i wish i never started……i started off a couple of hours ago and deleted every online thing i have , poker sites, casinos, betting sites, im self excluded from them all. the casinos im  now banned from…..my biggest vice is the roulette machines in the bookies, im self excluded from most around me as of today, i dont know if they will physically stop me , but they know i dont want to be there………SO YES IVE MADE A START, IVE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO STOP MYSELF FROM DOING ANYTHING AGAIN.
    Now for the next bit …..i tell someone, my girlfriend, right!!  wrong!  i cant risk losing her….she will end it and see me as a liability , she has her daughter to think of, i know she will, i know her, theres nothing more important than the safety of that child to her. I could go through and say family or friends  again , my family wont understand beleive me , telling them and even if they understood they cannot help!  my friends…honestly , i have one good friend who would probably understand this , wouldnt be a problem if i didnt owe him 5Grand!!
    I firmly beleive that MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND AND MONEY MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY!!  My brother says to me i wont be truely happy till i dont beleive in that….does anyone else think the same! …I think this is why i gamble, i dont do it for the thrill or the buzz of winning, i do it for more money,!! to get better things,bigger things,i treat people…whenever i have won, ive spent the money on my girls, treats, to make them happy and smile..so i think lets do it again and lose even more.
    In the next two weeks, i honestly beleive sh8t is going to hit the fan and i dont know how im going to deal with it, i dont know what im looking for on here to be honest, but I feel like Im on the edge and i have no where to turn, i constantly feel sick and my stomach feels empty….i feel like im going to lose everything and im on a countdown.
    Your thoughts are appreciated , any one who has been through something similar,
    Sorry for rambling on.
    Bullet. "Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat"

    #9608
    jon3244
    Participant

    Bullet, I feel your pain! I’m new to the site and hope communicating with others with the same problem will help me overcome this huge obstacle! My fiancé has no clue about my addiction and at this current time I’m trying to get help on my own. I wish you best of luck and know we can bet this!

    #9609
    jon3244
    Participant

    Sorry BEAT this!!

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