- This topic has 37 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 11 months ago by danieldrake1.
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30 December 2021 at 6:57 pm #146100ujju197Participant
Hello Folks,
I am here to start my journey to recovery, and Be a normal person.
Chapter 1 – How it all started:-
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Around End of Year 2019, I was under the Debt of 30K USD(Personal Loan/Credit Cards = Just because of Leisure activities, no gambling include), and to cope with the situation I am paying Personal Loan EMI’s while for Credit Card I used to just round off (Pay the Bill and again extract the money to pay another bill; and cycle goes on)Suddenly one day, one of my colleague introduced me to a online casino website, and I deposit some penny and just came out without playing on that day. Few days back, I deposit 50USD again, and played over the period of one week with that deposit and get up around 1500USD; with that money I finished one of My Debt branch. But in the background this is spark to my addiction.
In next 3 months, I played and loose; and over all I added around 10k USD in My total Debt. Thus, I Stopped.
Chapter 2 – Disclosing My Debts / Addiction to my family
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In March 2020, I updated my condition to my family and they agreed to help me financially and Emotionally. I Represented myself as Bankrupt to the Banks, and we settle down all the major debts. It seems Everything will get fine soon. (Max in a Year)Chapter 3 – Relapse Phase 1
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In Dec 2020, I went back to the foggy street of gambling, and on course of next 3 months I loose around 10K USD again, but before its too late; I went to my father and updated him what I have done wrong and save me from this demon.
This time he was very upset, but he agree to support me emotionally which was enough for me. Thus, I just manage to focus on paying off my Debts only.Chapter 4 – Relapse Phase 2
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Everything is going well till August 2021, I was away from gambling. But “Gambling Demons” knows how to find and hunt you. Thus, I started again and loose day by day, week by week, and month by month but didn’t stop myself this time. As a result, today again I am standing with Debt of 20K USD which is borrowed from Friends & Relatives.Crackling Note:-
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During my entire gambling period, I only played only one game and that too only one roulette table only. I never tried any other game or so. {when I think of this, I used to laugh on myself, how fool I am}Current Phase (situation)
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At the moment, I am totally blank what I will do and How I will do and manage. My family already denied to help me this time. (And, reality is that they cant help me anymore financially and emotionally).I hope this group and almighty will show me the path, from where I can start my journey to recovery and being a normal person.
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30 December 2021 at 6:57 pm #146128charlesModerator
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums. By posting to the forums you’re allowing the diverse and caring Gambling Therapy community to help support you through the difficulties you’re facing.
This may well be a tough time for you – particularly if you’re new to recovery, so we encourage you to post here as often as you need to, as well as making use of the online groups and the live advice helpline if you’d like some one-to-one support. We’re all in this together! If you’re a new member, you are warmly invited to join Charles in one of the New Members Practical Advice groups (Mondays at 21:00 UK Time and Thursdays at 19:00 UK Time).
The forum is a great place to share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. By writing it all down you can start to build a record of your progress that you can look back on – particularly useful if you’re ever feeling stuck. Share as much or as little as you like – but you’re encouraged to stick to keeping to just one thread in this forum – so people know where to find you to check in on your progress or to share something with you.
The Gambling Therapy staff team don’t generally post to the forums as it is a peer support area of the site – so we’ll hand you over to the community from here.
Take care,
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS. Please take a moment to review our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works.
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30 December 2021 at 7:22 pm #146133charlesModerator
Hi Ujju, well done on looking for help. You are a normal person – a normal person with an addiction.
Read the other stories here. You will read a lot that you will relate to. You will also see the success stories and the sorts of things that have helped others stop gambling. You can apply these things to your own situation.
Speak to your family. In the past you have just presented them with the problem – now you can tell them what you are going to DO about it. They shouldn’t help financially, they are your debts. They could though help with some of the barriers – like setting the passwords on a blocker for gambling sites, like helping you with accountability so you CAN’T gamble secretly.
You have a lot of support available, here and elsewhere. You have stopped before so know you can again. This time though keep using support to maintian your recovery and help you stay stopped. Keep posting.
- This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by charles.
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31 December 2021 at 6:35 am #146158ujju197Participant
Thanks Charles for some Nice Suggestion.
Today is actual Day 4, I haven’t gambled. This might be because of 2 reasons
1. Inner Guilt
2. No access to fundsBut the debt mountain is making me bleed from everywhere. I am totally dumb in respect to finance that how to cope with it. And, I assume this is the biggest problem with Gamblers like us. At one stage we get stucked and than start thinking of being normal.
At this platform, I want to confess that I have fetched money by all means (good or bad) from my friends and relatives. I feel, I am bundle of lie and have no respect within myself/family or friends. Seems lost everything.
Sometimes, I think of measures to finish myself; but next moment I realized “That I don’t want to die as coward; I want to be the best again”.
The road to normalcy for me will be very long, with my current capacity I assume it will take around 3-4 Years. Just want to pray from Almighty to give me guts so I didn’t get back to the black/foggy street again.
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1 January 2022 at 2:39 am #146180Cruising247Participant
Ujju 197
Hang in there, after a couple weeks it should get easier.
After I stopped gambling, it seemed like financial blessings start to come that I wasn’t expecting.
I think that our Higher Power blesses us with more once we show him that we are not going to throw it away, but use it wisely.
I think I had suicidal thoughts at least a few times a month, but the most important part is not to act on those thoughts. Because as you know, with time those thoughts pass.
Praying for you. You got this, just try to check in daily, you’ll be amazed at how fast the days pass.Recovery takes “One day at a time.”
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1 January 2022 at 9:04 pm #146155danieldrake1Participant
Hey my friend. I am clean since Christmas. This forum has been helpful! I have had 5 years clean in GA but got sidetracked with investing in cryptocurrency back in 2017. I gambled on crypto casinos to buy more cryptocurrency. Problem was no matter how much I won I would lose that x10 every time. I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I like this forum it keeps my mind in recovery. Just posting once a day keeps me focused on recovery. If you want to chat on the phone to keep each other clean that would be mutually beneficial.
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3 January 2022 at 8:35 am #146246ujju197Participant
Finally After 6 Days of Gamble free, I relapsed again (last Night).
– It was neither a big amount, neither a big loss. But its a real big on my heart, that I failed in my first attempt.
– Day/Night, I just think about the Debt which triggers me to relapse. Hope Almighty shows me sunshine, slowly and gradually so I can stay gamble free for long.I don’t want to play or spend any kind of money on these casino sites.
Today, I am Back on Day 1. (Sucidal feelings run through my mind every hour, but I want to be strong to come as a Champion soon. )
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3 January 2022 at 9:35 pm #146271danieldrake1Participant
I’ve relapsed after being clean after 5 years. Gambling spiraled out of control for 5 years. I stopped 12/25/2021. so far so good. we really should be posting on here every day! to keep the abstinence fresh so it suffocates the thought of playing. I’ll keep posting. 10 days clean feel great. 30 days then 90 and ill be good 👍 to go
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4 January 2022 at 2:45 am #146279Cruising247Participant
Hello,
We have to treat this journey like riding a bike…. When we fall, we have to get up and try again. Eventually, prayerfully we will stop falling. Hang in there, you got this. Some lessons are a little bit harder to learn. But not giving up will be worth the reward at the end.
I tell myself this daily. We have to find ways to motivate ourselves to hang in there when there is no one else around at our low/weak timed. Congrats on coming back on after your slip-up/relapse. You got this…
“One day at a time…” -
4 January 2022 at 4:37 am #146287ujju197Participant
Thanks Danieldrake1 & Cruising 247 for the Motivation. I am doing well from last 2 days. After Relapse Its Day 2 for me.
But the Debt is making me feel depressed, people used to call to get their money back and I don’t used to have any reply. Just trying to prepare a plan for the same, but till time blank.
But will come out of this too, as we used to say One Day at a time.
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4 January 2022 at 9:51 pm #146334danieldrake1Participant
Don’t worry about the debt collectors! Pay them whenever it’s convenient for you. Just imagine the how big the hole will be if you don’t stop. Let this motivate the crap put of you to stop. I have to say posting on here makes a big difference!. Are you in the U.S.?
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5 January 2022 at 5:09 am #146345ujju197Participant
Thanks Daniel,
I am trying to cope with the Debt Situation, but somehow it makes me stressed. I am not in US.
Today, is my 3rd Gamble Free day. Staying and Going Strong.
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6 January 2022 at 11:34 am #146399ujju197Participant
Hello Folks,
Once again, I loose my motivation and strength; and fell to the prey. I forget the motive of One day at a Time.
Just 8 days in to recovery or we can say trying to be normal, I have been into two Relapses. Yesterday Night, I was not able to sleep just thinking abut debt and my future. Suddenly, I get refund from somewhere in one my e-wallets. And, as soon as it arrives; I don’t think twice “I just created a fake account and spend all that money to my gambling urge or try to get some money to pay to debt collectors.”
Feel so guilty for the same, I even forget wise words from my one my GT family member Daniel “He just said yesterday, that if we don’t stop the debt hole will keep increasing” still I played and played till I loose all.
But I understand that my trigger point is my huge debt not desire to play. So I have to start working on that.
Almighty please help me.
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6 January 2022 at 12:33 pm #146402danieldrake1Participant
13 days clean.. I am a sick compulsive gambler. I definitely understand that thought many times getting money that you weren’t expecting and having that urge to gamble it. We gotta get on a zoom since you are not in U.S. gotta figure out time zones. We can certainly recover together. Even a what’s app. Keep posting! Make recovery fresh in you’re head!
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6 January 2022 at 3:35 pm #146413
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6 January 2022 at 11:14 pm #146436Cruising247Participant
Hi
Re paying off debitRight now this is what is working for me.
I wrote out a budget, listed all my debit and I prioritized the order I want to pay them off. So as I receive that “extra/unexpected money” I put it towards bill #one until it is paid off, then on go bill number #two, and so on.
“Go ahead and put funds toward the bill as soon as you get it”..
You do this while still paying your regular bills.
I know the smart thing to do is pay off the highest interest rate bills first, BUT I chose to pay off the smaller bills first, after I pay one off I use those funds to help pay the next bill off…
By doing that, I can see that I am accomplishing something each time I can write “paid in full!”
Just paid a medical bill off the first of the month, now that’s one less bill. -
9 January 2022 at 1:53 pm #146557ujju197Participant
Just To Update Completed Clean Day 2 after second Relapse.
Feel Anxious, lot of mood swings, many crying sessions but in last the stage at which I am is Because of me, I am the only one who have to make things fine.
Almighty will show his mercy and grace
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9 January 2022 at 4:10 pm #146564Cruising247Participant
Hello,
Praying that you will receive “Mercy and Grace.”
This is a very hard journey to travel, honestly, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Do please just hang in there.
Don’t worry about next week, or next month, we have to do this thing called recovery “one day at a time.”
Hang in there my friend. -
11 January 2022 at 2:44 pm #146665ujju197Participant
By grace of the God, and motivation from my new Family members here in GT group, I completed 4 day Gamble Free.
The road is really tough, stress level is too high Bcoz of Debt and urge to play. But, I am taking this “One Hour at a Time” instead of “One Day at a Time” 🙂
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11 January 2022 at 6:02 pm #146675Cruising247Participant
Hello ujju,
Congratulations on your 4 days. Excellent job.
Minute by minute, hour by hour, or day by day, whatever it takes. (Smiles) -
15 January 2022 at 4:00 pm #146871ujju197Participant
Just Checking in, 8 Days Clean today longest till time now.
Feeling lot of Pain, but source of Pain is me and me only.
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15 January 2022 at 4:06 pm #146872danieldrake1Participant
Day 21 clean feeling great. One day at a time. I won’t gamble today. Mabey tommorrow mabey a few weeks from now but not today!
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16 January 2022 at 12:14 am #146893Cruising247Participant
Danieldrake
I love it!!!! Congrats on your 21 days.
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18 January 2022 at 1:44 pm #147016ujju197Participant
It feels great to touch double figure of Gamble Clean, today I completed 11 day, after 2 relapses in last 24 days.
Just focusing to fill my financial Void which I have created in last 2 years; this is going to take long and its too much painful.
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21 January 2022 at 9:27 am #147157ujju197Participant
Today, I completed 13 days Gamble Free & Clean.
Pain, Guilt & Shame in my inner-self is on the peak. Don’t know how to control the emotions but I knew one thing now for sure:-
“I have to stay away from the first killing bet”; If I play again for a day it will add 1 month of suffering to my life.
Broken and humiliated Compulsive gambler
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22 January 2022 at 8:50 am #147206ujju197Participant
Added one more day to my clean sheet, but the Pain & Anxiety has taken control of me.
I am analyzing my situation, and my finding says my Trigger Points are:-
– Lying to my Loved ones during this bad phase or before that too
– The Debt which keep raising day by dayThus, I am not in good shape to do anything for Point 2, that will totally dependent on time (may be 2-3 years to recover financially). But, I am working on Point 1 to be True with my Loved ones.
Almighty Please give me sunshine or ray of hope that I can be on Right path.
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22 January 2022 at 12:47 pm #147214danieldrake1Participant
Today will be 29th day clean. Meetings make it. Zoom call meetings are great. We will never cure but we can arrest it. Constant medication ( meetings) is needed for life. My business is thriving and being able to hold on to great sums of money for once is great. Again if I go back to gambling my business 100% will fail.
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25 January 2022 at 11:35 pm #147391temidayoParticipant
I came across this site yesterday while trying to get solution to my own gamble problem, I’m also an addict to this demon,have been caged and suffered from this for 2years now ,even yesterday I was at the counter loosing hell lots while surfing for ways to end this eating parasite, but on getting here and read all messages and comment from you people that’s also a victim to this, have cross my mind to join in this batle and start counting my days too, please family I need your help too, I pray that Almighty should grant me the will power to overcome.
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3 February 2022 at 10:53 am #147913ujju197Participant
Hello Family,
Apologies for being away from the Portal, first of all the update….I am 25 days Gamble Free. Going through lot of pain, anxiety, panic attacks and over all the burden of Debt (The mountain of Debt).
Last few days, I away from Internet as this is one of the best way to help me to avoid gambling sites. But by grace of God, the demon and me are in same room; but at different corner of the room.
@temidayo – Dont worry about anything just start the journey to recovery to be a normal person again. There will lot of ups and down, but keep your self standing tall. God will help you in this all. And dont fall prey to illusion that you can win, at end you will loose all…that the truth of gambling. -
3 February 2022 at 11:45 pm #147958Cruising247Participant
Congrats on your 25 days!
Well said, and so true, “At the end you will lose everything.”
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8 February 2022 at 4:24 pm #148224ujju197Participant
Finally I completed 30 days Gamble free.
Financially & Physically, I have nothing with me. All relations are in broken state, finances are totally ruined. But Yes, Today I feel an inner peace that was missing from last 2 years.
Just praying “Almighty please give me strength to Stay away from this Demon; and give enough capability so I can payback to all my friends and relatives slowly & gradually.”
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8 February 2022 at 5:15 pm #148229danieldrake1Participant
45 days clean just checking in
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11 February 2022 at 8:03 am #148407ujju197Participant
I have completed 32 days Clean, but one harsh reality is I am still suffering with anxiety of my debt and the demon keep pushing illusion in my mind.
Today, I want to write about the “Illusion”; that we can try this or that strategy and can win a bit or lot as per capacity or capability.
– We all have won during our tenure of gambling, but this win is the ruthless strategy played by casino. Just an example – we deposit 10K, and somehow stay on winning streak and make it 50K. But, as soon as we reach a certain point we loose all in few seconds. And, than we try to directly deposit 50K to recover all win and looses. And, end up loosing single penny we used to have in our pocket.
– All houses give lucrative offers such as cashback, and payback points. This offers are not big deal for compulsive gambler like us, but it causes relapse to few of us. And, once we relapse game gets over.
– Except few casino’s, no one allow you to set bet limit or loosing limit.
– A common observation from various compulsive gamblers, whenever they go back to casino’s after a break of a month or two; they always win for the first time.
Apologies for this non-sense; just feel writing something so…posting this. There are lot more to add; but not feeling well.
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11 February 2022 at 5:12 pm #148468sjc1Participant
I need to get just 1 DAY under my belt. Cant even do that at the moment. Its obsessing in my mind all the time. Feel sick of this compulsion but too weak to stop!
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12 February 2022 at 3:07 pm #148514
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12 February 2022 at 3:14 pm #148517danieldrake1Participant
49 days clean. This message board works wonders. 💪.. my business had a minor set back not really anything to worry about. A learning curve for sure and it made me think about gambling but I posted in here immediately and the urge subsided.
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12 February 2022 at 3:15 pm #148518danieldrake1Participant
Proud of you keep it going man. Let’s chat later this week and talk.
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17 February 2022 at 4:29 am #148878danieldrake1Participant
53 days clean. I have been testing and tempting my self in a weird way. I watch others lose/win money on tiktok (95% lose). For some reason that replaces my bordeum. It pops up and I watch but the weird thing is I don’t even care to do it. It’s kind of a constant reminder that no matter how big you win you can’t walk away. I’ve seen some people win massive amounts only to lose it all. That’s a good reminder fresh in my brain that it’s not about the money it’s about the action. Once I get to 90 days my habit will change and the less need for even watching others. I guess you can say it’s a form of sick compulsive gambling therapy. Lol
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