Get practical support with your gambling problem Forum My Journal Online gambling has ruined my life

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  • #12005
    steve268
    Participant

    Hi, my name is Steve.  I am a life of a sports gambler please help me.
    I am so thankful to have found this site as I have found a place where I can share my real feelings that I cannot share with any of my family members or friends.  I have read through alot of topics and all I see is reflection of myself.  I’m hoping that somebody would understand what I’m going through and I seriously need some help.
    I am 26.  Everyday seems like a struggle to me filled with anxiety and with insomnia and continuous thoughts of suicidal.  Please allow me to share my story.
    I have been gambling since I was 16.  These 10 years I have been going through hell haunted by gambling.  Ever since I was 10 years old, I had alot of interest in professional sports and I got hooked up on watching it.  I developed a hobby in watching sports and develop an interest in knowing about sports (NHL, NBA, MLB, NFL). 
    I started gambling when I was 15 betting on hockey starting with $5.  The the amount started increasing to $100 and the amount got bigger and bigger. 
    Luckily for me I have never given up on my education and my jobs.  I think it’s a miracle that I can hang in there on that part as I have successfully graduated from university and medical school. 
    I was consistently winning $$ on sports gambling (winning thousands a month) and I thought I could do this in a consistent basis and make a living off this.  I am so skilled at this (that I believe) that I got recruited to get paid to be a sports handicapper to have people pay me to offer my picks.  The problem is I lack discipline and I get hooked on to all the games on tv 24/7.  I got to a point that I can’t live an hour without putting a wager on something.  And whenever I lose a game, I would go on to online casino to play online blackjack and I have thrown away thousands and thousands of money.  It had gotten so bad that I had blown all my money away and maxed out all my creditcards and resources.  Whenever I lose on a sports game, I would try to immediate make it back by playing online blackjack and blow away all my bankroll within half an hour. 
    When I was 19-22 year old (I don’t remember) I knew I needed help as I went to counselling.  They suggested me to not have access to $ and join sports team and find another hobby.  Inside my heart I was so stubborn (I still am) that I don’t want to give up on gambling because 1) it’s my hobby to watch sports 2) I like the thrill of gambling and winning because there are always unknown variables and every game is different 3) I am lazy, I just want to sit on a couch and enjoy life and make money within seconds which I am capable of (if I had the discipline).  I know I am not a sports fan because without wagering on a game, I have zero interest in watching the game, all I cheer for is the opposite of things that I would have bet on.
    I find myself so pathetic that in these 11 years.  I have never given up on sports gambling and online casino.   24/7 all I have in my mind is what game is on and my head is full of stats of the teams and players.  I feel that I got to a point that I feel so hopeless and I really want to end this but I don’t want to be selfish and hurt the ones that love me especially my family as I know if I commit suicide they will be hurt eternally but at the same time, I am struggling day by day wanting to end it all. 
    In this 10 years, it doesn’t matter how much I make from work because I will just blow it all on gambling.  I am constantly going through anxiety and depression.  It’s gotten so bad that I have isolated myself from alot of my friends and I would just gamble. 
    I need help as I can’t share this with any of my friends because it is a sign of weakness and I want to save my face.  Gambling councelling was no help to me as I was not willing to give up gambling inside my heart.  It was so scary that when I was talking to the councellor my mind would be thinking about logging on to my account to wager.  I would lie to them because my mind won’t allow me to give up on gambling.  I know it sounds like contradiction that I want to quit gambling but at the same time my mind is not letting me because I feel that I can make $ at will off sports gambling but the problem is at the end I will find a way to blow up the bankroll.
    I have lost over $100,000 and as I am typing this I am thinking of way to reload my sports account to gamble again as I just stayed up to bet on a game that was on being a degenerate gambler and of course I lost the bet.
    I don’t know how to live any longer as I am struggling to live life.  Gambling has basically taken away my whole life as it has taken away my integrity, my mind, my sole, my time, my spirit, my energy, my everything.  In alot of people’s mind, they think I am successful as I drive decent car and have decent education but deep down inside I am dying.  Please help me.  Thanks for reading.

    #12006
    cantgetright
    Participant

    *****, I can’t help but feel as if Steve is just like me. Except instead of online casinos, because I don’t trust em. I wager on random games or tennis which I know nothing about to regain my losses. I cannot handle a bad beat. I am living a life consumed by sports.. and I hate myself that I cannot stop the mistakes that I make over and over and know I shouldn’t be doing so. I just blew through my account balance and have no income to come in , I really needed that check/money. I just want to curl in a ball in my bed and fall asleep and never wake up.
    if you could go back in time before you made that first bet, or that first gamble would you still do it?
    For me, the answer is No. I am 27, no kids, no wife.. with not much in my bank account and a ****** car collecting unemployment. I could only imagine how much worst it would be if I had other people to take care of, or would it make me more responsible?! I doubt it. I have had the gambling bug in my genes, my family would pitch quarters or play poker at every family get together. My dad and grandpa would bet horses, make trips to Vegas.
    I inherited 5,000 at 18 and started betting through a bookie through my Uncle. I remember I lost like 700 or 800 the first 2 weeks which made me pretty sick. I had a $ 100 parlay going to get it all back.. All I needed was Denver to beat the Raiders by a touchdown. It was 2004, it was snowing in Denver and the Raiders had been horrible as usual. Well, Porter and Collins kicked my behind and I lost again. I blew half of the money and got a car with the other half..
    I was playing poker at the casino 10 minutes away since 18 or 19, even hit a jackpot for 1400 and got paid half of it with a promise to bring social security/id on return. I never went back for a year or so..Tooken many bad beats through my years there and hate the place now. One time I played poker for hours breaking even, wasn’t satisfied with that.. So I ****** away my whole check of $700 in 5 minutes at blackjack as I played the martingale system walking out the door. What a feeling that is as you walk out to the car and tell your buddy who just walked out with you as you guys were grinding for hours what you just did…
    I have been betting offshore since 2007, I have withdrawn 4 ***** or so and deposited over 150 ***** I am sure. Mostly 20-50 deposits and some $200. But , I keep telling myself I can pick winners… What a blind and ignorant fool I must be right? I’m hooked.
    I can no longer enjoy a sporting event without thoughts of how easy of an under/over it would be.. or I knew this team would win. I have lost a job because I was adding hours to my *****heet to get more money to gamble. I was so dumb I would turn my 36 hour week into 60 a few *****.. of course payroll eventually noticed and I got fired. One of my biggest regrets and I cannot figure out what I was thinking, now I collect unemployment and wish I had a job. My car has taken a dump on me because it is a lemon.
    If you are still reading hopefully you aren’t too judgemental and can have some helpful words for me..I am feeling down and out and just need to vent somehow some way.
    I deposited 30 $ last week, and quickly turned it into 600 . I requested a withdrawal for $385 Saturday night. I then bet and won a few games Sunday.
    I decided to put the whole $300 on the Cowboys + 3.5 Sunday night. Of course I couldn’t believe they converted the 2 point conversion, and was drinking watching the game at a friends house. They then get a sack, unbelievable to push em out of fg range!
    Romo has the ball with 3 minutes left down 3, just anything but a int I say out loud.. and of course he throws the lamest pass for his 3rd interception. The lamest of them all .. I couldn’t believe it. I was busto .. but had 70 $ from cowboys/under 1st half I decide to throw it on some tennis match that night because I couldn’t handle the loss and was drinking. I lost it.
    I then cancel my withdrawal and bet $240 on the Cincinnatti Bearcats +3.5 first half for some reason this morning.. they go scoreless the last 3 minutes of the half and had a ugly turnover and missed ft’s from the 26-26 tie game mark to end the half 32-26. Of course they look like a whole new team in the second half and beat the **** out of Pitt smothering them..
    I went back and forth on my last wager.. was thinking Georgia Tech and under .. parlay. Instead I choose Michigan St and the over parlay em for 140 to win 360 bought it up to 7 and over 129.
    MSU is down 37-25 in first half with 4 or 5 minutes to go, they end the first half on a 3 to end the first half down 1, 38-39.
    In the second half they were up 59-54 with 8 minutes left to play. They then proceed to turn the ball over, get frustrated and score 4 points the final 8 minutes of the game.. I sat here shocked yet not surprised as Minnesota ends the game on a 20-4 run to win by double digits.
    So my last 3 wagers I felt were all good wagers , but had some bad choke artists factoring into play. Yes, I know my money management is horrible. I realize this. I don’t get it, when I only have a couple hundred bucks and deposit 20-30 that is a huge bet for me. Then I build my roll and I am betting more and more.. and if I bet less feel like I am losing money.
    I think about betting on sports every day, it is a consuming thing. I really think I need to just quit as I have gone busto again when I should be waiting for a check that I really need.

    I know it is not healthy for me, but I love the thrill of the potential win and enjoying the games. Right now I am just so sick of it all, wanting to go back and make all those smart winning wagers I should have. I need to figure out how to move on, let go of the past plays and improve. I have not improved, I have gotten worst.
    Every day I look at the scores and say ” If only I would have bet that game, I knew that team would cover, why didn’t I just do that? “
    Coming up on a new year and trying to be hopeful to change for the better and learn something from this. I would not gamble if I could go back in time and start over, but do I have the power to stop now or to somehow manage my money and learn from this? Learn not to gamble what I cannot afford to lose?? I don’t know fellas, I don’t know.. feeling kinda hopeless at this moment.

    #12007
    tarala
    Participant

    William,
    I hope that you are getting the help and support you need.
    I know doctors face a lot of addition pressure to be ‘good boys’, making it even more difficult than others to reach out for help, but I hope you find it.
    Raising your story really touched me, and made me realize that I face a problem as well. Like you, I don’t feel ready to give it up…yet I know I need to. The time has come to let it go.
    Like you, I’m tormented by the fact I do win some money gambling sometimes–me, it’s poker. Like you, I always find a way to give it away. I could just save the winnings, it would be ok…but alas, it’s not ok. I’ve lost probably more than 250k. That is not an exaggeration. There are people starving in this city who be thrilled for a free meal and a roof to sleep in.
    The hardest part for me, is the release from stress it brings me. It makes me feel free.
    Quitting smoking was really hard as well, and finally one day I just decided I had had enough with being slaved to needing a cigarette.
    The time has gambling as well.
    I hope you are recovering. I was born in Ottawa, though I live in the states now. If you need to talk on the phone, I’m here.
    TaraNot one person can save the world, but we can help the people who cross our paths.

    #12008

    ***** there

    I can also relate to this
    I have been gambling for 2 years now and just stopped 8 months ago… I have few slip ups but i always picked myself up and reflect on what the **** i just did,,, its true that cg is an emotional thing whenever im depressed something bad happed i turned to gambling its not about the money its about the feeling of being a winner,,, its like im a loser in every category in life why not be a winner in gambling, iam too is watching sports mostly basketball,,, i have been betting and winning and eventually lose,,, i closed most of my accounts on online gambling but there is one website that gave me this 200 bonus and i thought if that wins ill run away,,, and i stayed and syayed until i deposited another 500 on that account,,, i dont think i can gamble responsibly because every time i win i want to win and win and win again,,, even if i dont follow other sports i will bet on them just to get that feeling,,, i found out that i will have a child soon,,, my wife is pregnant 3 months now and iam making a commitment to really stop and think about my child when i place a bet,,, i would really really would like to stop completely but sometimes my emotions are stronger than me,,, wish yo all the best in our recovery one day at a time God bless you all

    #12009

    I will try not to follow sports for 1 week and will let you know

    #12010
    bogdan12
    Participant

    ***** Steve,
    I am new on this site.I just oppened and account and i see your thread and also some of the responses here. I just relate so much to your story and also on the other’s.I have the same addiction with online sports betting.Guys, i believe this is a much different story than the one with slots. Most of the stories here are about CG that are betting in a casino.We are betting from our home, we don;t need to go out only to transfer some money by clicking a button. It is a very hard thing to control.I am on a loosing streak of more than one week and i lost all the money from the paycheck i got 3 days ago. Steve if you are reading this please post a response.I believe we can help eachother. But you need to post.I believe than when you oppened this thread you just lost a lot of money and because you are not posting anymore it means that you are still betting and possibly winning.You need to stop and think…this is not a life guys….it does not matter how much money you win at a certain point.You will surely lose them at one point.Hope to hear from you
    P.S sorry for the spelling mistakes.I am not an english native

    #12011
    committedtoquit
    Participant

    Originally posted by steve268
    Hi, my name is Steve.  I am a life of a sports gambler please help me.
    I am so thankful to have found this site as I have found a place where I can share my real feelings that I cannot share with any of my family members or friends.  I have read through alot of topics and all I see is reflection of myself.  I’m hoping that somebody would understand what I’m going through and I seriously need some help.
    I am 26.  Everyday seems like a struggle to me filled with anxiety and with insomnia and continuous thoughts of suicidal.  Please allow me to share my story.
    I have been gambling since I was 16.  These 10 years I have been going through **** haunted by gambling.  Ever since I was 10 years old, I had alot of interest in professional sports and I got hooked up on watching it.  I developed a hobby in watching sports and develop an interest in knowing about sports (NHL, NBA, MLB, NFL). 
    I started gambling when I was 15 betting on hockey starting with $5.  The the amount started increasing to $100 and the amount got bigger and bigger. 
    Luckily for me I have never given up on my education and my jobs.  I think it’s a miracle that I can hang in there on that part as I have successfully graduated from university and medical school. 
    I was consistently winning $$ on sports gambling (winning thousands a month) and I thought I could do this in a consistent basis and make a living off this.  I am so skilled at this (that I be***ve) that I got recruited to get paid to be a sports handicapper to have people pay me to offer my picks.  The problem is I lack discipline and I get hooked on to all the games on tv 24/7.  I got to a point that I can’t live an hour without putting a wager on something.  And whenever I lose a game, I would go on to online casino to play online blackjack and I have thrown away thousands and thousands of money.  It had gotten so bad that I had blown all my money away and maxed out all my creditcards and resources.  Whenever I lose on a sports game, I would try to immediate make it back by playing online blackjack and blow away all my bankroll within half an hour. 
    When I was 19-22 year old (I don’t remember) I knew I needed help as I went to counselling.  They suggested me to not have access to $ and join sports team and find another hobby.  Inside my heart I was so stubborn (I still am) that I don’t want to give up on gambling because 1) it’s my hobby to watch sports 2) I like the thrill of gambling and winning because there are always unknown variables and every game is different 3) I am lazy, I just want to sit on a couch and enjoy life and make money within seconds which I am capable of (if I had the discipline).  I know I am not a sports fan because without wagering on a game, I have zero interest in watching the game, all I cheer for is the opposite of things that I would have bet on.
    I find myself so pathetic that in these 11 years.  I have never given up on sports gambling and online casino.   24/7 all I have in my mind is what game is on and my head is full of stats of the teams and players.  I feel that I got to a point that I feel so hopeless and I really want to end this but I don’t want to be selfish and hurt the ones that love me especially my family as I know if I commit suicide they will be hurt eternally but at the same time, I am struggling day by day wanting to end it all. 
    In this 10 years, it doesn’t matter how much I make from work because I will just blow it all on gambling.  I am constantly going through anxiety and depression.  It’s gotten so bad that I have isolated myself from alot of my friends and I would just gamble. 
    I need help as I can’t share this with any of my friends because it is a sign of weakness and I want to save my face.  Gambling councelling was no help to me as I was not willing to give up gambling inside my heart.  It was so scary that when I was talking to the councellor my mind would be thinking about logging on to my account to wager.  I would *** to them because my mind won’t allow me to give up on gambling.  I know it sounds like contradiction that I want to quit gambling but at the same time my mind is not letting me because I feel that I can make $ at will off sports gambling but the problem is at the end I will find a way to blow up the bankroll.
    I have lost over $100,000 and as I am typing this I am thinking of way to reload my sports account to gamble again as I just stayed up to bet on a game that was on being a degenerate gambler and of course I lost the bet.
    I don’t know how to live any longer as I am struggling to live life.  Gambling has basically taken away my whole life as it has taken away my integrity, my mind, my sole, my time, my spirit, my energy, my everything.  In alot of people’s mind, they think I am successful as I drive decent car and have decent education but deep down inside I am dying.  Please help me.  Thanks for reading.
    Hi Steve,
    Your post resonated with me especially about the chasing the losses or trying to round up the cash to $33,000 and then BLOWING the lot.
    I have done so many a time…
    If you ever want to make contact etc, would be great to brainstorm and quit together. Let me know!
    Ash

    #12012
    gamblingsucks
    Participant

    Originally posted by steve268
    Thank you you guys for showing love and trying to get me out of this.  I am seeking for help as the demon inside me is not allow me to quit gambling.
    Williame, thank you for your care and taking the time to try and fix me.  I really appreciate it. 
    I am well aware of the behaviour of a compulsive gambler and I am all of it.  I have also read alot about the mind of a gambler, how they try to chase back their losses, and that is one of my problems.  Ever since I blew 50k in 3 days of playing online blackjack, I can never recover.  It all started when I try to go from something like $31,990 to try to make it to $32,000 by playing a $10 a hand of online blackjack.  And when I lost the bet, I lost $100, then I tried to make back the $100 by uprising the bet amount.  Then lost it again.  Then at the end, it was $4,000k a hand.  (Oh my god, it hurts just to think back how crazy it was).   Then I lost 30k in an hour.  I was able to use my sports knowledge to grow $300 into 20k again but I ended up blowing it all on blackjack again.  Right now in my daily live.  When I’m out exercising and playing basketball, I’m checking score constantly.  When I am at work, I am checking score, when I am out drinking with friends, I am checking score, even when I’m at a club dancing, I am making live wagers.  I really want to know if anyone behaves like me? I am so embarrass to even admit that I do things like this because nobody knows except me. 
    (1.Admit you are powerless over this gambling addiction and confide in at least one person you trust what’s going on.)
    At this point my state of mind would not let me give up on gambling.  Unfortunately the people that I trust are the ones I love.  And I am ***** to them because if I tell them about this, they will be hurt and disappointed.  Of course, those people have already landed me so much money to get me out of loan sharks and other creditors and I don’t want to hurt them anymore.  But I can’t control myself.  They tell me to find a hobby, like you said.   Do exercise.  I can’t.  I am so ****ed up.  I am always checking scores.  
    (2. Since the online gambling is a main access to your disease, contact the sites you presently are gambling on and ask that you are PERMANANTLY barred from their sites and to close your accounts explaining you have a gambling problem. Not an easy thing to do (I struggled with those emails myself but felt so great and free afterwards) but necessary. Also purchase the software that blocks access to any gambling site and have it installed on your computer (there’s an offer on this site with a code that gives you 50% off the price, so it will be under $40, best money you’ll ever spend). )
    My mind at this point is not letting me because I am always able to make thousands in a day from sports gambling consistently.  This advise was also given by my former therapist but I would just *** to her that I did but in reality I didn’t do it. 
    (3. Go to at least one G.A meeting and committ to at least one evening of sitting in and listening with an OPEN MIND. It will open your eyes to the fact that you arent alone (welcome the the compulsive gamblers clubs, you are one of several MILLION compulsive gamblers so you arent alone). The program works, but I must admit that rooms vary, Ive been to rooms that the support is great and gave me positive therapy, and ive been to rooms that just were about reading the G.A book and didnt help me much. You may have to try a few rooms to find the right one that "feels right" for you.)
    I tried that for a period of time.  But my self-esteem is too high and I am also delusional sometimes.  What happens is when I see these people, I am thinking to myself that these people are gambling slot machines, playing cansino games, horse racings, they are nowhere near to the gambling knowledge that I have in winning.  When I see these people, I can’t get them to understand what I am going through.  I know they are there to help me and we are there to help each other by stopping each other from gambling and encouraging each other to stop.  But everytime I am there, I am thinking to myself I shouldn’t be there because I think I am so smart.  But in fact, I am not.  I just end up losing all my money at the end. 
    (4. This is the most important one, but take it from someone who was just like you and just did G.A : Find a therapist, hopefully one that specializes in gambling addiction. What Ive learned that G.A kinda misses to a degree is a gambling addiction is an EMOTIONAL disease. I said "no its not, its about the money" when i was in my 20’s". Well, 20+ years later in recover with a gambling addiction specialist therapist, ive learned that it was virtually 100% emotionally based. It was my place to escape, it didnt judge me, it accepted me anytime i needed it and I couldnt live without it. Trust me on this, find a therapist to talk to about it, you will thank me later. Even if you dont think you need it right now, set up an appointment to go see one. We all have emotional issues that arent dealt with that a therapist can help us with. You are going to be suprised over time when you begin to learn about yourself and why you gambled in an uncontrolled matter.)
    Everytime I finish seeing a theapist.  I would just rush home and gamble again as if I felt that I just wasted each other’s time and effort.  I talked to a priest about this and he is constantly asking how I am doing and pray for me but it is not working for me.
    (5. Find something simple to take up your time that you used for gambling, such as fishing,bowling.skiing etc. Anything that you find fun that doesnt relate to gambling that can take up your free time and distract your mind from gambling.)
    My problem is no matter where I am and what I am doing.  I am in the middle of gambling on a game with my mobile device and such. 
    I know ultimately I have the one to be pro-active to help myself because nobody will be able to stop me from gambling except myself.  But sports gambling has gotten so deep in me that it has become a very profitable way of making $, as it is also my interest and hobby that I cannot pull myself out of.

    hahahaha!!! Did I write this and forget? I swear this could have been me writing this. Dude, youre not alone. You sound like me. Honestly all of it! Even the first post. Man ive been in the exact same boat. Again and youre not alone. the guy who responded 3rd i think saying he lost ova a mill and said you and we have a disease is 100 percent correct. I havnt read everyone else responses yet I will but before i do let me say its not that you/we cant win gambling, its just that we cant keep it and eventually we will lose it all. 100 percent fact. We have a disease. We cant control it. No matter how much we win or bet, we will bet more and more and eventually lose. Dont go with the if only and what if games. It will never be that way and it was never going to be. One way or another, bookies, referees, missed free throws, field goals etc, not getting a bet on in time, not stopping, we will LOSE!We are chasing a pipe dream, many of us are living in the past.
    Maybe we were good handicappers one time. Maybe we were successful. Maybe we were just lucky. Now were are not and 99.9999 percent of us never will will be again. Maybe we were always going to end up on a path to destruction it was just a matter of when. I once made over 200,000 dollars gambling. GONE!!!!! Lost it all in a messed up way too. Guess what? got most of it back only to lose it all again. Doesnt matter how much we win at some stage, even years down the track, we’ll give it all up. As long as we are gambling we’re going to be miserable good for nothings who always lose and feel like ****.
    Dont get into that fantasy bull**** and say what if, if only. Im around your age as well and have gone through depression, anxiety etc as a result of gambling also. Just because you have suffered for so long and havnt got things the way you want, doesnt mean it will always remain the same.It more than likely will if you dont stop this vicious cycle. In ten years time or twenty, do you want to say gambling got the better of me and i didnt enjoy my glory years and do the things i wanted to do? You can change it. Only you. Give yourself a break man im going to im also going to forgive myself and say you know what we all make mistakes but we should punish ourselves forever but im going to have fun make a good, happy successful life for myself and beat this horrible **** and so are you.
    We’re all worth so much more than money. We’re living in the past, choosing to do this **** and let gambling get the better of us. Lets beat it. Lets not let gambling control us or our future like it has the past and present and lets go out and succeed and be happy. Dont go another ten-twnmety years and say ” i was too depressed and driven by money and a rush that I didnt go out, live my life and have fun ”
    We have a disease. Lets do our 100 percent best to beat it.

    #12013
    gamblingsucks
    Participant

    ( removed by admin)go to 3.09 sec and watch. I had utah to win. Take a look at the score and time remaining and see how the game decided my bet. Stuff like this will happen all the time. I lost a couple k there, losing 2k is nothing comapred to the amounts I have lost one one game { 65k a couple of *****, 50k, 20k etc }
    Will always get done in the cruelest of ways guys. End of the day, we dont lose because of bad luck or refs or **** players etc. We lose because we bet. Plain and simple.

    #12014
    gamblingsucks
    Participant

    I also cheer for the opposite of what i would have bet on. If i wanted to do a game and dont, and it wins, ill go mental. Bookies cost me once by not paying me out fast enough. Rang up to do a bet, still wasnt in my account. Idiots said call back in a couple minutes and i knew when i was on thje phone a wicket would drop and the odds would drop and it wasnt worth the bet. I felt i was ******* 2k, so I chased the next game and put 7k on new york to beat golden state when up half time said **** it put the whole lot on and ended up losing 17k. Shoulda won 2k and had 19k in account. But my fault I did the bet and chased. I was menatlly sick kept thinking ” if bookies paid me out like they should i woulda won 2k instead i lost 17k } This was 2 days before new years. I said **** this **** should be having fun 2 celebrating new years instead i lose 17k and i shoulda had 19k if the bookies did their job { still couda had 17k if i didnt bet tho, my fault } I stopped for over a year. Started betting again and tbh its been a waste of time and another 25,000 dollars.
    Gambling is evil.It will rob you of everything. Your money, sanity, family, livelihood, time, youth, relationships, property, EVERYTHING!!!!!
    After a heavy loss, my mind is like a radio non stop negative thoughts that repeat over and over as if it were music. You get hit by shock. It robs you of your energy. I coulda did this or that, I shoulda bet this or that, I was happy, I had this amount etc. Nothing but negativity.

    #12015
    alwaysthefish
    Participant

    I’ve been playing online poker for over a decade now. Started on Planet Poker and then moved to Party Poker. First 4-5 years were good. Games were easy and I was making 50-70K a year. I knew I was not playing my best game most of the time (because of my gambling addiction), but it didn’t matter that much (even though it should have) – I was able to win in spite of not playing optimally. The other players were even worse. I did nothing to improve my game, nor did I work on my addiction. Around that time live poker games started here in Prague where I currently live and they were easy too. I was able to live an easy life, playing, by today’s standards, a very mediocre poker game.
    Fast forward a few years, the games got tougher, the players got better, my urge to gamble got worse and come 2007 I was not able to win any more. But I continued playing anyway, kidding myself that I can still beat the games if I only had discipline…
    The truth of the matter is I could no longer beat the games even if I played my A game 100% of the time (which is humanly impossible). There are players out there that CAN beat the games, but I’m not one of them. And there’s very few of them nowadays. 10 years ago, 30% of all the players were winning players. Nowadays it’s fewer than 5%. Everything else goes to the rake.
    So, why do I still play, knowing I can never win? Because I’m a compulsive gambler.
    When you, Steve, say you can beat all the bookies at sportsbetting I think you’re kidding yourself. But even if you could, it’s only good till your first bad beat, that alone will trigger the real gambler in you and you’ll go and chase that money playing black jack. And it’s not gonna change. William is right, you will never be able to control your gambling. Never! You might be able to find the strenght to totally refrain from it, but you will never be able to control it. Not only will you not be able to control it, but it will get worse. 10 years ago, a few bad beats were not enought to tilt me. Now, a single bad beat and I’m steaming out of my ears. And everyone here, including me, knows that bad beats are part of the deal. Had it not been for good beats and bad beats, had it not been for fluctoations, there would be no gambling. So, I’m thinking to myself, why would I even consider playing when I know a single bad beat (which in inevitable) will cause me to tilt and burn my money… And I don’t have answer to that, other than I am a compulsive gambler.
     If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon

    #12016
    gamblingsucks
    Participant

    Originally posted by AlwaysTheFish
    I’ve been playing online poker for over a decade now. Started on Planet Poker and then moved to Party Poker. First 4-5 years were good. Games were easy and I was making 50-70K a year. I knew I was not playing my best game most of the time (because of my gambling addiction), but it didn’t matter that much (even though it should have) – I was able to win in spite of not playing optimally. The other players were even worse. I did nothing to improve my game, nor did I work on my addiction. Around that time live poker games started here in Prague where I currently live and they were easy too. I was able to live an easy life, playing, by today’s standards, a very mediocre poker game.
    Fast forward a few years, the games got tougher, the players got better, my urge to gamble got worse and come 2007 I was not able to win any more. But I continued playing anyway, kidding myself that I can still beat the games if I only had discipline…
    The truth of the matter is I could no longer beat the games even if I played my A game 100% of the time (which is humanly impossible). There are players out there that CAN beat the games, but I’m not one of them. And there’s very few of them nowadays. 10 years ago, 30% of all the players were winning players. Nowadays it’s fewer than 5%. Everything else goes to the rake.
    So, why do I still play, knowing I can never win? Because I’m a compulsive gambler.
    When you, Steve, say you can beat all the bookies at sportsbetting I think you’re kidding yourself. But even if you could, it’s only good till your first bad beat, that alone will trigger the real gambler in you and you’ll go and chase that money playing black jack. And it’s not gonna change. William is right, you will never be able to control your gambling. Never! You might be able to find the strenght to totally refrain from it, but you will never be able to control it. Not only will you not be able to control it, but it will get worse. 10 years ago, a few bad beats were not enought to tilt me. Now, a single bad beat and I’m steaming out of my ears. And everyone here, including me, knows that bad beats are part of the deal. Had it not been for good beats and bad beats, had it not been for fluctoations, there would be no gambling. So, I’m thinking to myself, why would I even consider playing when I know a single bad beat (which in inevitable) will cause me to tilt and burn my money… And I don’t have answer to that, other than I am a compulsive gambler.
     If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon
    i think we think because weve did it before we can do it again. Because we had good ***** and good memories we link that with gambling and think we can create good ***** and memories again. We cant. Thats why is i said we’re kidding ourselves and living in the past. It may have been fun, pleasurable and exciting at some stage but those days are long gone. We remember or want to remember the good but forget the bad. The awful ***** when realisation sets in that we just lost a years wage for some ppl or more.
    Gambling is ****. Sooner you can quit the sooner you will live a good and happy life again. Ive realised that if you think things cant get worse, they most certainly can. A **** of a lot worse.

    #12017
    gamblingsucks
    Participant

    exercising is a great way to feel good, clear your head, regain your focus and keep on track. Its helped me a lot.

    #12018
    alwaysthefish
    Participant

    Originally posted by gamblingsucks

    exercising is a great way to feel good, clear your head, regain your focus and keep on track. Its helped me a lot.
    It is indeed. I’m too lazy to do any heavy stuff. I bought membership to a gym, but I never go there, just too lazy. But what I do do is I walk a lot. I bought a pedometer and I walk 15-20K steps every day listening to audio books. I’ve been doing it for years, but now I made it my business to make at least 15K steps a day.
    And it does help a lot, as you say.
     If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon

    #12019
    gamblingsucks
    Participant

    Originally posted by AlwaysTheFish

    Originally posted by gamblingsucks

    exercising is a great way to feel good, clear your head, regain your focus and keep on track. Its helped me a lot.
    It is indeed. I’m too lazy to do any heavy stuff. I bought membership to a gym, but I never go there, just too lazy. But what I do do is I walk a lot. I bought a pedometer and I walk 15-20K steps every day listening to audio books. I’ve been doing it for years, but now I made it my business to make at least 15K steps a day.
    And it does help a lot, as you say.
     If you dine with the devil, bring a long spoon
    Nice work. Keep it going. Another thing I thought of is think a lot of us only regret losing, not gambling. When we win we don’t complain or say I shouldnt have did that { well sometimes } we only say that after we lose. We have to take responsibility and say we want that money. Because most of us are aware of what we are doing. We choose to gamble.If we are to gamble be aware of the consequences and that is losing is inevitable and so is feeling like ****.
    Dont push that button/play that hand if youre not prepared to deal with the aftermath.

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