14 September 2013 at 2:09 am #1330chedumParticipant
I joined and am posting because I feel I have nobody to talk to I’ve never dealt with something like this before and I just feel so alone.
I am 23 and my boyfriend is 29, two years ago he was offered a job outside of the US so we packed up and moved. I left everything behind friends, family, an awesome job, I left it all for love. Everything was great for a long time until June when he took vacation, he and I went to Las Vegas for a week; it seemed like a normal vacation we had tons of fun seeing all the sights and shows and playing a little here and there. HOWEVER, we got home and a week later he wanted to go back to Vegas, I didn’t so he took his father they went for another 3 days and came back then it started at home in our country now he kept fishing out every casino that has black jack he was online studying basic strategy playing online trying to ‘get good’ I told him it was scaring me and to watch it bc he was treading in dangerous dark waters. He said he was fine I let it go and went to the casino with him a few times all those times we ended up staying way too long him having too much to drink and sometimes even being kicked out of the casino. It got to the point where I felt I HAD to go bc it is OUR money he is losing and I felt at least I can control what he spent. After him wanting to go every night until dawn come home sleep a few hours and go immediately back to the casino I told him I was not going anymore bc I could not support such a habit. When I told him it is a problem he’s made the following excuses:
– its my FUN
-it doesn’t matter what I lose bc then I’m paying for a good time and free drinks
– its a business to me
-I’m starting a blackjack team
– its like the guys Friday night poker game
-I can’t deal with you right now
-we need the money (when we wouldn’t have needed it if he hadn’t gambled it away)
– and tonight’s excuse IM ONLY GOING TO RECOVER MY LOSSES
It’s tearing us apart and giving me stress and anxiety, last week was the worst he went out at 7pm stayed out until 4am went to sleep and woke up at noon jumped in the shower and went back to the casino at 2pm didn’t dome home until 6 am and when he came home he had one of the dealers a female in his passenger seat bringing her back to OUR home! I packed my bags determine to leave. But I cannot, this isn’t him it’s not the man I know and love and he needs help but he’s so in denial. When all this happened he cried ( none of his family will talk to him) I was hard on him and told him it wasn’t everyone else’s problem it was his he needs to fix himself he agreed to get help and we went to a therapist/ life coach that same day AND YA KNOW WHAT HE SAID he told my boyfriend he didn’t have a problem with drinking NOR gambling and at those were his own demons and he knows it’s wrong and to stop. Well my boyfriend took that as ‘see I don’t have a problem’ he stayed away from casinos for a week but was itching to go pacing back and forth telling me he couldn’t stand it or stop thinking about it until finally he cracked and went btw we just bought a brand new house and he has significant student loans along with day to day bills last night he blew our plans off left and spent ALL of the money we would have had left after paying our bills so now in order to eat and live we cannot pay our first mortgage payment or most of our big bills, oh and on top of all that he’s been off of work for a week and tomorrow is is first day back and he wants to call out.
This is REALLY affecting myself, his own family, and him. After he does it he apologizes up and down and I tell him I don’t want to hear it I want to see it. I can’t trust or believe anything he says or does anymore. I cannot talk to my friends or family bc it is embarrassing and they will just tell me to leave when I’ve invested many years into this man whom I love so much and I am the only person who is still here for him I fear if I am not he may go deeper into this dark hole.
I am very sorry for such a long rambling post I just really needed to get this off my chest and speak to friends, family members going through the same or similar thing. I can’t take the fighting, gambling, drinking, or any of it anymore it has to stop.
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