[duranie85]

Hi, on Thursday afternoon, my partner of 6 years, the man I was planning on spending the rest of my life with basically blew nearly £30,000 on online casinos, within an hour.
This included £9,000 of money my Mum had left to me.
I knew he liked a gamble and had had issues years ago, but he seemed to have things under control, he was always up over the month, and not ever bet on horses. He’d spend our studying from, knew all about jockeys, which horses ran well on which conditions etc – Sorry, I never bet as my step father had gambling addiction and I saw what that did to my mum.
Anyway, I’ve spent 2 days crying, we never argued, maybe the odd niggle but only one full blown row in 6 years.
We had so many plans, 2 lovely holidays booke,d which I’ve insisted we cancel.
He’s moved back in with his mum today, I’m sitting here all alone, I can’t eat, I can’t atop crying..
This has come out of nowhere completely..
I just cannot understand what made him do this.
Sorry for the ramble, but I’m so confused…

[dunc]

Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Duranie

I am on holiday at the moment which makes it difficult for me to give your post the attention it deserves. However, I want you to know that you have been heard and understood.

It is important, in my opinion, that while your partner is with his mother that you give yourself a lot of ‘me’ time, see friends and family, do things that give you pleasure and help you regain your strength which will have been diminished by this sad experience.

I believe that it is important, for those who have a gambler in their lives, that they gain as much knowledge as possible about the addictionto gamble so that they can cope well.

How did your partner take control of his addiction before? Did he go to GA or rehab? I ask this because one of the biggest problem for recovering gamblers is complacency and I wondered if your partner had begun to believe he could now gamble responsibly having distanced himself from his support over time.
A slip is not necessarily a negative for a gambler, it can bolster a determination to live truly gsmble-free when the shock of what he has done and lost, sets in.

Unfortunately for you, a great deal of money has been lost and exciting plans have been ruined. However, money is not the reason an addicted man gambles, it is the ‘gamble’ that excites him.

What, if anything, is your partner saying now? Do you know his mother’s reaction?

I will leave this here in the hope that it gives you some support knowing you are being heard.

I am back next week and will look for you and hopefully ‘meet’ you in our F&F group.

I know a man can successfully control his addiction which is why i an writing to you now.

Speak soon

Velvet

[Author]

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