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  • #3943
    Cbrig
    Participant

    I am new to this and new to dealing with someone who is addicted to gambling. I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. I knew he played cards when I met him (4 times a week). I told him I would have an issue with that. I dated him anyway. 2 years later I had moved in and moved out because of him going to play cards every week even when I would beg him not too. After I moved out, we compromised and he promised to only go twice a month, so I moved back. Now it is a little over 3 years later and I just found out that he has been lying to me all these years and had continued going to play cards while I was trusting him thinking he was doing something else. He admitted he’s addicted and doesn’t think he can stop and feels he needs to go 3 times a week. I love him so much and he really is a good hearted great guy, but I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him, but at the same time I don’t want to live like this. Any advice?

    #3944
    worriedmama
    Participant

    I always feel so negative posting a reply to a first-time poster. It is a very difficult addiction for both the CG and those that love them.
    The bad news is that it is a very progressive disease. Once your CG has started lying about it is when its reached the addictive stage. They will lie and manipulate those around them to keep gambling. They can have you believing that it’s everyone’s fault but their own.
    The gambler in my life is my 26 year old son. His addiction started at 18 years old and it has been a long haul. He too is a good hearted great guy but once they are in the grips of gambling you don’t see a lot of the good any more. When I first found out I thought I could fix it for him … make him see the light! That was not to be. It was almost 7 years before he was ready to try recovery with the help of GA. All I could do was stand by helplessly absolutely dumbfounded how such a smart, funny , handsome young man chose to throw his life and future away.
    A compulsive gambler will only stop when they are ready. Nothing you can do, say, kindly suggest, or scream at them is going to help… they can not hear you.
    The best thing you can do (which is incredibly hard) is to take the attention off them and start looking after your wants and needs. It is so easy to get pulled into the chaos which is their life and you will both end up drowning.
    Start thinking about boundaries that you can set for yourself that can protect yourself both financially and emotionally. Keep writing/talking to find yourself support!

    #3945
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    <

    Hello

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #3946
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Cbrig
    Welcome from me
    It would help if you could give more details about your boyfriend so that we can support you better.
    For instance, is he in debt, does he tell lies about things that don’t matter, is he difficult to live with and in what way.
    Playing cards 4 times a week is not necessarily pointing to an addiction, even if he lied to you about the amount of times he plays. If this is a problem to him then undoubtedly it could become a full-blown addiction but there is not enough flesh on your post to guide me.
    What is it, apart from playing cards 2 or 4 time a week that is disturbing you because it appears to me that something obviously is causing you real concern? You can see from worriedmama’s reply to you that there will be no judgement, just understanding.
    I run a Friends and Family group on Tuesdays between 20.00 and 21.00 hour UK time. The group is private and nothing said in it appears on the forum – if you do not want to say too much in a forum that can be read by anyone, maybe you would like to talk then – I promise you that you will be understood.
    Speak soon
    Velvet

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