[juann]

[juann]

Where do I start, my partner of 5 years has once again gambled everything we have. In the past there’s been ways to get out of the financial situation but all avenues are now exhausted and me I feel I’ve been let down again. I know it’s not intentional and an addiction but I just don’t know if I can carry on with this. Our relationship is strained, I’m fed up with trying to sort all the money out and lie about things to my family. My children are going without, we all are. He’s booked in for counselling and is needing my support I know I should continue to give it but I feel drained of all my energy and feelings right now and feel I have nothing left to give. I feel useless and helpless and maybe I’m being selfish but I’m so angry and hurt again. I don’t know what to do or where to start.

[dunc]

Hello

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

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You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

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[juann]

Thankyou I’m really just feeling lost and lonely and I’m worried to say too much to my partner as he is rather low and said he could do without all the negativity!

[dunc]

Hi Juann

Im available in the helpline… why not pop in for a chat

the link is in the top right of the screen

Kind Regards

Dunc

[velvet]

Hi Juann
I hope that maybe you were able to chat to our Helpline yesterday but whether of not you did it would be good to ‘meet’ you again in a group.
You say that he is booked in for counselling and hopefully this will be sooner rather than later – how do you feel about walking the extra mile with him now? I cannot say that you should, or you should not because this is ‘your’ life and all decisions must come from you. It is important that we control our own lives if we are to be free and happy.
I hope we can talk again soon
Velvet

[juann]

Hi Velvet,

thanks for your message. Yes I logged in to a chat last night and find it is helping me. I also told my friend about it which my partner isn’t too happy about but I needed to. She is supportive and has offered to have our son while I go along to his counselling which is this Saturday. He’s pretty angry mainly with hims and said if she’s any different with him she will no longer be welcome in this house. Obviously he feels embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to know he said it’s his privacy and I shouldn’t really be telling anyone close so there’s a bit of tension but we have talked this morning  that is good. I suppose I am sticking by him but haven’t made any promises just said let’s get him to counselling and go from there. I’m quite good at talking and he isn’t so I was quite firm this morning and said turn the tv off and put your phone down we have to talk more although I don’t want to only talk about gambling! 

Its just so hard and frustrating as just when we were getting to a good easier happier place we are back to square one financially with bills not being paid and going without and I feel quite strongly this is just not acceptabl to live in this way. My parents came over yesterday and I just put on a happy face as much as I could haha. 

Thanks for your support

[juann]

Ok really bad night, arguing and just generally my partner being nasty. Just wondering if it’s to do with not gambling for as far as I know just over a week now.

[velvet]

Hi Juann
It would certainly not be a surprise if the nasty behaviour was connected to a week of being gamble-free. There is a void to be filled when an addiction is controlled and many gamblers find it hard to fill that void in the early days.
Arguing takes two however, so I suggest that you maybe walk away when you feel the needling starting and tell him that you don’t want to fight. Then, I think, it would help if you busied yourself with something that pleases you. Maybe, a little later you could ask him to join you in an activity letting him know that you care and that you are willing to talk – just not to argue.
I hope perhaps to ‘meet’ you in the group later
Velvet

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