[lowlowlow]

Good afternoon, today I had to ask my partner to move out of our family home and intohis mums as he is unable to stop gambling after confessing 2 weeks ago that he is in 15000 pounds worth of debt after taking out loans to gamble. Two weeks ago I said that we could get through this and work together to get out of the debt but last night I found out he has continued to gamble after promising he wouldn’t. We have two children together and iam so heart broken I have had to short of explain what has gone on to our 9 year old as his daddy has now moved out and I just feel broken, helpless, lost with my own life now upside down in terms of security and childcare with my own job which will now in turn affect my little families incomes more so

[velvet]

Welcome Lowlowlow

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Groups Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Lowlow

Well done writing what must have been a very difficult first post.

Your partner will not want to be the man he has become, he will be ashamed and frightened but there is help for him if he is willing to change his life. It isn’t easy but I know it is possible or I would not be writing to you now.

I hope that given time you will allow me to try and help you to turn your life back up the right way. You do not have the addiction to gamble and therefore you can recover from this – however black things seem at the moment.

It doesn’t surprise me that even after confessing, your partner continued gambling – it is the only way he thinks he can get out of the mess he has got himself into – that is the nature of his addiction.

Your partner will not know which way to turn at the moment so I suggest that when you speak to him, perhaps you might mention that you have sought support for yourself and been told that there is help for him. He will need determination and courage but he can do it. I will understand whatever you decide to do, I know how difficult it is not to shout, scream and threaten but it will not do any good, it will only wear you out and he will be unable to comprehend your meaning.

There is lots more that I want to say to you but it is late so I hope you will keep watching the forum – I will write a full reply to you asap.

If you read this tonight, I hope you will sleep a little better knowing that you have shared with someone who really understands and cares.

Velvet

[lowlowlow]

Thankyou for your replay.
Last night was very tough my oldest boy is taking it really hard that daddy is not living with us at the moment. I have tried to explain fhe best I can to him that this is only temporary and that it is to help daddy sort his problems out as he can’t do it while living at home.
I felt I needed that break without him in the home as he is really dragging me down with him and it is really starting to affect my mental health and question my mothering skills to my boys.
I feel if I allow him to live with us during this he will never understand the severity of what this has done to our family and expect me to fight his addiction not himself.

[velvet]

Hi Lowlow

I understand why you felt you needed a break and I hope you are feeling better for it.

What is your partner doing to learn to control his addiction? On this site we offer fantastic help for those who want to be gamble-free. Charles is an amazing facilitator for gambler-only groups where your partner can feel safe and understood. We also have a Helpline for him and for you. There are GA (gamblers anonymous) meetings where again he will receive understanding. I believe in a gambler taking all the support he can get – not every path to recovery will suit everybody but I know that all the supports I have mentioned offer great success stories.

It must be very hard for your son; he cannot be expected to understand his father’s problem when his father will not be understanding it himself. Are your sons seeing their father?

With treatment, your partner can begin to understand the severity of what his addiction has done to his family but following successful treatment, there shouldn’t be any need to dwell on what has gone before. The past can be used as a reference only, with guilt and blame left at the door. Your partner is not and has not, deliberately hurt you or his children. His reality has been changed by an addiction that he neither asked for nor wanted.

Maybe your partner could look at Gordon Moody (GMA) – there is information about it lower down the forum page. I know from experience how successful GMA is in turning the lives around for so many gamblers. If you, or he, wants any further information about it, please ask our Helpline or pop into one of my Friends and Family groups where you will be most welcome. They are safe and we communicate in real time.

Keep posting, you are being heard and understood

Velvet

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by velvet.

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