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  • #4678
    Sophie_ryder
    Participant

    Hi I’m only 24 and have been trying to help my long term partner for the last 7 years with his gambling , I found out a few weeks ago that it had got out of control again spending 1000s a day. He promised he would stop and get help he broke down and because I love him I believed he would. Few weeks later now and have just found out he is gambling still, even after I said just let me know if your struggling and asking if he had put and bets on he lied to my face, I’m at the end now I found out tonight he hasn’t stopped , I have downed a bottle of wine and now on something else , he is sleeping but I can’t, the only way to sleep and forget is to have a drink. I never drink so it is having the desired effect of stopping the pain . I love this guy so much but how can we move on with the lies, I have him my whole life and now it’s got to be over he is never going to stop , I wish I wasn’t here iv lost everything

    #4679
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hello Sophie

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team


    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #4680
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Sophie
    I’m sorry that this can only be a quick reply but I wanted just to tell you that your message has been heard loud and clear and understood. I will write to you very soon.
    In the meantime Sophie I am arranging to have your email address removed from your user name to protect you. This is an open site and anonymity is important.
    The Friends and Family group on Tuesday between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time is private and nothing that is said in that group appears on the forum – it would be great to ‘meet’ you there.
    Well done writing your first post, the first one is always the hardest.
    Velvet

    #4681
    Dunc
    Keymaster

    Hi Sophie

    As Velvet has said your username has been altered to protect you from unsolicited emails. Your username is now : Sophie_ryder and your password is as as it was set.

    Kind Regards
    Harry

    #4682
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Sophie
    You haven’t lost everything – you are living through a terrible experience and there is always hope. Drink is definitely not the answer; it merely dulls your mind when you need to be in control of yourself and thinking logically because your partner almost certainly is not. Please don’t look for the answers in alcohol – it suggests you are letting an addiction determine what you do and that is not acceptable – you do not own the addiction to gamble but it can destroy you by association – but only if you allow it.
    Lies are the tools of the addiction Sophie. Your partner lies to you to distract your interest away from his addiction which he is trying to protect from you – because once you have gained knowledge of it and its capabilities you will be unwilling to enable it.
    How you move on, in my opinion, is up to you. I would not suggest you stay or leave but I do hope you will use this forum to gain the knowledge that you need to make your own informed decisions.
    Your partner didn’t ask for or wasn’t his addiction anymore than you – what he does with it now that you are aware is down to him, you cannot save him. I believe it is important to point active CGs (compulsive gamblers) to where good support is to be found. This site offers such support on its brilliant Helpline, in the ‘My Journal’ forum and in the CG only groups. There is GA (gamblers anonymous) – you can find the meetings in your area on line. There is dedicated counselling and a terrific rehab with the Gordon Moody Association. If all this seems a little overwhelming then I’m sorry but your partner has almost certainly got an addiction that is dangerous to his own and your well-being – the sooner he seeks help, the better.
    He probably doesn’t have the words to tell you that he is struggling Sophie – his addiction will have ruined his self-esteem and confidence – he will probably think you will be unable to understand.
    I hope you post again soon so that I know you are still there.
    I would love to ‘meet’ you in the group tomorrow – communicating in real time is great.
    Keep posting
    Velvet

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