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  • #4366
    hope2014
    Participant

    Hi guys

    I’m full of doubt and second guessing myself

    I have a few days left until I am supposed to be moving out everything hurts from my heart to my soul to my head

    He went gambling again and used up 250 that was meant to be his emergency funds

    He said he will stop he will change he made a million promises he said he will move out he will live with his family and I should stay in the house

    He said he doesn’t want our child to face upheaval in the middle of the school year

    I am meant to be moving out of this town we live in as I have no family here and so our child would have to go to a new school

    Part of me is telling myself this is a temporary struggle for hopefully long term stability

    He also said if we separate our marriage will most likely end in divorce which is something I really don’t want

    I just want this to be a wake up call for him to change

    But he is saying if I leave then he will be unable to get better I know I’m being sucked in but I feel like I am gamblifn myself now because I know if i leave I am risking losing him all together and if I stay I can’t guarantee that he will stop gambling either

    He’s a good father a crap husband because of the gambling but a good father and I’m so sad and so hurt

    #4367
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Hope
    It is my belief that when we don’t know what to do it is best to do nothing but to stand still, think and discuss until, with enough information, an informed decision can be made.
    A CG telling you to stay so that he can achieve stability is all very well if you are able to cope with staying, it depends on how ‘you’ feel. You cannot make his stop gambling. Is he seeking support to control his addiction because if he isn’t making any physical effort then his words, in my view, don’t count for much? .
    Separation, in my view, does not need to end in divorce – his words could be further manipulation to make you behave or maybe he is afraid that this will be the only conclusion of you leaving.
    Only you can know if you are leaving in the hope of forcing a change but that is not a good reason to leave.
    Speak again soon Hope – maybe you can be more sure of what it is you want and what you hope to achieve if you push more thoughts around. Your earlier posts suggested that leaving him could well be for the best but this last post is less sure.
    I hope some of this helps
    Velvet

    #4368
    Anonymous
    Guest

    What Velvet is saying is so true.
    The support that he needs is in ga ,theapy
    Etc. If has to want is always like that we feel that we put so much effort and they don’t its not fair at all.
    He should also have the in mind
    Make the suggestions of ga meetings.

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