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  • #5872
    Briana
    Participant

    Hello! I am new to this, but all the advice I seem to find says to “love” yourself and get support… So here I am.

    #5873
    velvet
    Moderator

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    Hello Briana

    Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

    Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

    If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

    You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
    situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

    We look forward to hearing all about you!

    Take care

    The Gambling Therapy Team

    PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
    privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    #5874
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Briana
    Here you are indeed and here I am listening and ready to support you.
    Your thread title gives more away than your post and so my first question has to be why are you questioning your own sanity?
    We don’t give ‘advice’ Briana; I cannot tell you what to do because recognising whether your sanity is being threatened by another is something only you know at the moment. I know that the compulsion to gamble causes many/most loved ones to question their sanity but I also know that if the compulsion to gamble was removed there would be no question.
    When we question our sanity I think we have often got to the point of not knowing who we are anymore, not recognising what we have become. Such feelings rock our confidence and demolish our self-esteem – hence the words often seen here are words of encouragement to love oneself and put oneself first. When one is flattened by the addiction of another then self-recovery is paramount.
    I don’t know if it helps but I wouldn’t be here writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled.
    It would be great if you joined the F&F group tomorrow evening –Thursday between 20.00 -21.00 hours UK time but in the meantime I hope you will flesh out your concerns on the forum and give me a little more to stimulate my little grey cells – for instance who do you know who gambles?
    Velvet

    #5875
    Briana
    Participant

    Thank you for responding! 🙂 I am wanting advice as far as coping skills, what has helped others. Getting into sports? reading? Meditation? things like that. Sorry, I did not exactly say that 🙁
    I struggle the most with the fight in my head… I know like lying, deflecting, all the classic signs of him gambling. What about the attention to other women?… is that a normal thing for addicts? or is that the REAL person. The thought that this whole relationship could be a lie, makes me so sad and mad. Did he have just small moments of clarity like when he purposed? .. it is questions like these that drive me nuts. This fight in my head of he loved me.. no, he didn’t, he loves the casino. Just last week he told me he loves me, then 24hrs later he said that he no longer loves me. That has been happening on a weekly basis.
    I do have a brother that struggled with a gambling addiction but after he joined the Navy, he was no longer fighting that fight, and has not gambled since. My mom has dealt with it also, and when my step dad found out how much she had spent, he told her if it continues he will leave her, so she stopped. She went to one GA meeting and never gambled again. Everything that is going on is a blur, my head is like a blender with all these thoughts, questions, and feelings. Where do I begin to sort them out? I am truly lost.

    #5876
    velvet
    Moderator

    Hi Briana
    I am using the thread that you opened first, as multiple threads leads to confusion and journals getting lost. I have read your other thread as well so I am hoping to cover it here.
    You have certainly been given the run-around by your CG. I understand why you ignored his gambling at the beginning, most people are unaware of this addiction and your CG would have wanted to keep you unaware as his addiction thrives on secrecy for enablement.
    CGs sometimes do use multiple women because that way they can get more enablement and also it can make them feel they succeed where their gambling fails them.
    It would be great if you could pop into the group tonight between 8-9pm BST. I am not going to be around for a couple of days but I can hear that you need support.
    Dear Briana I can’t tell you whether to let this man back in to your life or whether you should keep him out – it is a big part of ‘your’ recovery that you make your own decision.
    ‘You’ matter, you are a unique and special person but this relationship is taking away your self-esteem and confidence and only you can know how many times you are going to let this happen.
    Telling a CG to go is the right thing to do if that is what you really want and you don’t intend to let him back into your life. If you allow him back, in my opinion, it says to him that he can treat you badly for as long as he wants to do so and you don’t deserve that.
    I hope you will keep posting and that you will get more replies but I am not in a position at the moment to write on the forum as frequently as I would like.
    I hope to ‘meet’ you later in the group.
    Velvet

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