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Hi Guys
Another crippling day, thought I was going to make it through Sunday with gambling but even though we didn’t get back until about 8pm I somehow managed to lose about £700 online when I was desperate not to even logon. I had won about £500 yesterday and was quite pleased that I had managed to cash out with some winnings. But nope I just couldn’t help myself, I’ll keep it chilled or so I thought. Every time I tried to bet, I lost, and with a few tech hitches, either designed or coincidental, I found that the numbers I was chasing came up when I missed a few spins to make an additional deposit. Rather than heeding the signs that this wasn’t going to be my day, it just got me fired up even more cos now I was mad. I’ve got work in the morning and I’ll know I’m going to be a mess, trying not to show my emotions and feelings of depression.
Gonna give you all some context, hopefully when I read this back everyday, I‘ll realise the pain that’s ahead of me if I don’t shut it down right now!
I’ve been gambling from a young age, and even though I was beaten up black and blue one Christmas Eve by my father (who disapproved of me keeping my Christmas money from relatives to gamble on a dice game), I clearly didn’t learn my lesson. I’m 54 now and I bet you I’ve been gambling close on 50 years of my life. I tried many times to stop, trying to use special dates like Christmas or New Years day to make a resolution not to gamble but you know the story, they came and went and I was still gambling.
On the days you win, you convince yourself that you’re in control but as I have proved in the past, it only needs one bad day to undo a year or two of good. I nearly took my own life that day…that was about 8 years ago. I had just received news that I, amongst others were going to made redundant but rather than looking for a new job, I combusted internally and looked to gambling to replenish my income. After 30 days of winning I had amassed a pot of £27000 or so, and rather than cashing out, I stupidly left it in my betting account with William Hill. To cut a long story short (shorter anyway) I had an argument with my wife about something and that triggered a downward spiral ever since- wait…okay I lost it all in one day. I tried Samaritans; kept me from killing myself there and then I suppose. I kept myself clean for a couple of years after that but sadly it didn’t take much to convince myself I had it all under control and that I could gamble responsibly again. Lets be honest, that is the biggest lie that the gaming industry would have you believe and that is you can gamble responsibly. The people who don’t have a problem don’t need to read it, whereas the people who do need to read it CAN’T GAMBLE RESPONSIBLY! Stop trying to put stupid messages up as a token gesture of pretending to care, I would rather you have your staff to say “Hey you’re out of control“ you are now barred for life. I KNOW I have a problem but there’s still a reluctance to admit it to myself that I have and to limit my time / amount spent on a machine, I always select the unlimited default.
I also hate these sites who are trying to help addicts like me, they don’t respond to us quickly enough, by which I mean you are given every reason to procrastinate! Asking for photos in order to self exclude from a bookie is stupid, it should be the other way round- asking for a thousand hoops to jump through if you want to gamble is much more effective!
Back for more tomorrow!
TF
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I remember the look of disappointment and shock on my fathers face when He found out I used all my Christmas money to pay back a gambling debt. Gambling is terrible man and it’s more prevelant than ever. Let’s get a day bet free.
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Although most of your post talks about money, the truth is compulsive gambling is not about money at all.
The loss (and yes, I hear you-you’ve had huge losses-me too)of money brings us to the realization that we cannot gamble responsibly. I agree, the deception regarding “Responsible Gambling” that is launched by The Gaming Industry is a total hoax. CGs CANNOT gamble. Period. We also CANNOT handle money. We are powerless over gambling when we place the first bet.
When I joined this site in 2008, a man called Lee advised me to “postpone the next bet”.
It is the best advice any CG can get.
Try it , just for today. Don’t think beyond today.
I wish you well in recovery.
Keep posting. -
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Yes, complusive gambling isn’t about the money. It’s about escaping from something we haven’t dealt with. Our coping skills are not good.
When you stopped gambling for several years, what resources did you use? GA, barriers? Maybe you can try and implement them again to help yourself.
We keep chasing the win but in the end we always loose. I wish you well in your recovery. This is a horrific disease. -
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Everyone is right about gambling not being about money. I am so frugal in my day to day life I will go out of my way to save a $1 and even use coupons! For some reason,though, I have no problem losing hundreds in a day online or in a casino though?? I’m not sure if gambling compulsively is the same for everyone. I am a compulsive personality and have control issues, and am not really using gambling to cope for past issues, I use it to get the rush. I am lacking any stimulation in my day to day that brings me the same rush, so I look to gambling and that feeling I get when I see the bonus coming to give me the thrill. They day to find an activity to replace it. I’m sure you all know that that is really hard. I can go for a week or so with no gambling at all because I work and have no time, but come the day off, I’m ready for a little r&r and that is usually what my mind wants. Chasing bonus symbols. I always win, frequently big, but can never cash in because I want more, more more of that brain tingle that feels so good at the time, but leaves me hung over the next day swearing that I will never do it again. If you keep gambling you will keep winning, then losing. Is it reasonable to think that after 50 years you have it under control? If you smoked for 50 years they would tell you to ease off, and that is what you should do. The end result though, should be that you intend to quit. Keep that in your mind, and dont think that you can somehow just start to make a living. I hope you find strength in knowing that we know how it is and will hove you an honest recap of what you need to know.
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Yes, TF, bad memories haunt us but as you say, the human brain has a mechanism to obliterate those events. I did terrible things to my sons when they were teenagers but still managed to justify gambling, saying “We all make mistakes rearing kids ” or some such BS. There is a passage in the GA literature that says “don’t tempt or test yourself”. Keep it in mind when parking near the bookies. One false move can set us back big time. Never allow complacency to catch you off guard. This disease has taken a lot from every CG I ever met. Gambling always end in tears for a CG. You are doing brilliantly. Stay focused.
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You’re right, community matters. Big time. I started diving into the GA community well — yesterday to be frank. All kinds of thoughts and emotions that have been bottled for years are coming out (in an understanding, non-explosive way) … the feelings are incredible.
Just like gamblers/junkie’s binging are the worst people you can be around when you’re trying to quit (if they’re deluded that there’s nothing wrong with the game or players, they’ll feed that delusion to you even if just subconsciously), this is the opposite.
There is a true upward momentum in these support groups that’s based on what’s raw and real and getting the truth out of us/out there. I’ve realized something instantly today and that is that you need a specific support group for your specific problem — sharing my own troubles with my regular friends/fam never made a difference over the years … their tendency is to empathize/sympathize and say “yea. Hope maybe something works out” — or in some cases chastise etc. There is an emotional energetic disconnect.
Each strain of addiction has specific nuances to it, and the gambling/compulsive nature of it is definitely nuanced in a way that generic advice from non-gamblers (in my case) only made me feel weak, pathetic and disempowered.
Let’s put more wind in our sails and cut the risk compulsive betting … in life we have to take risks, but we’re rarely forced to take “huge risk” “right now” the way gambling and it’s deceitful inner dialogue would have us believe … i remember writing about recently the nature of gambling to numb you to the pleasures of life … to the point where you think the things that will ACTUALLY fulfill you are empty and that gambling of all things will fill your inner craving/hollow feelings inside. It’s the exact opposite.
Gambling is sinking to a place of disempowerment watching ourselves like watching a tv character on a screen and feeling no control over it … because it becomes a head trip devoid from connection to control over bodily actions.
For me, it’s reversing the polarity of seeing myself quit/change my behavior but acting it out anyway to just quitting/changing my behavior and seeing what was formerly a compulsive action become a thought that i see repeating but don’t act on.
I think that’s a natural progression of eliminating old habits … they move from body to mind where they just appear as thoughts we don’t act on after long enough … and likewise when we finally start acting on good habits they move from mind to body … no longer something we just think about, but something we take action on.
I made this realization during a long diary post about my experience of gambling in the forex/currency markets (which are disguised as a proper ‘business’, but are basically a mirror image of online casinos).
Much support and love friend — keep the cravings dormant and your sprouting life of good things you enjoy growing.
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Yes! Risk is always around the corner. The addiction just creates so many distorted thoughts including ones that all is well just relax … like it just wants you to lower your guard. You can’t lower your guard against gambling — when it seems like the coast is clear and you’re over it, you’re not!
I’m watching my cravings during these first few days surge and go in waves — when I get the craving pushed back enough I feel deep joy underneath it … even just the craving steals my happiness and sense of connection to the world around me. I don’t realize how much it’s consuming my brain/turning it into a fog til it’s pushed further back and i’m more “here and now”
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I can only tell you what I did to stop gambling. I can’t tell you what to do – you have lived with this for long enough.
I decided I NEEDED to put as much energy into my recovery as I did into my gambling. When I started to waver I remembered this.
I reached out, GA, counselling, self-help groups – I tried all sorts even acupuncture and hypnotherapy.
I avoided people and places linked to my gambling. I even moved town and changed jobs.
I made sure I kept busy – I worked evenings and took courses at weekends so I had no time or energy to gamble.
I started to think of gambling as my allergy that might kill me if I succumb. I said NO to any and all events that might lead to a gamble – no matter how tempting.
I’m not saying this was a quick fix, it took me over a decade from admitting to having a problem to staying stopped. I’m now retired, travelling the world and am here to give hope and encouragement to others with this problem.
I hope you can sit down and work out how to make a gamble free life for yourself. What are YOUR triggers and how can you take them out. Make a new life for yourself and your family. I wish you well.
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I’m not the type to believe in responsible gambling. There is no such thing. It’s a myth the gambling industry tells itself to feel better about itself. You don’t take heroin responsibly. You either do it or don’t. Gambling is the same.
What is wrong with you? You’re an addict and you are prey. As long as you hold belief there is a slight chance of you coming out of using gambling with winnings in your pockets you are going to continue to be prey. Winnings stimulate award centers in our brain, give us the illusion that we can get our lives to a more comfortable place financially, make life more easier. Who can resist this? No one can and neither can you. You shouln’t beat yourself up for being human. Instead, focus your energy on tearing down the illusion because no one has ever walked into a casino and walked out a rich man.
The only way out is by stopping gambling altogether.
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It really reminded me of the madness I experienced before I made the commitment to stop gambling.
You ask “what is wrong with me?” I wonder if it has to do with your commitment. Nowhere in your posts do I see that you have taken the basic advice from this site – ie. you have banned yourself from places where you gamble, you have restricted the use of your own finances or turned them over to a trusted relative or friend, that you have sought support from self- help or counselling. Maybe I have missed something. I know people have done the three things above and still manage to gamble – but at least that shows a commitment.
I believe that you are worth more than worrying about where the next few pounds are coming from and how the pay day loan is going to be paid back. I believe your family have had enough pain in seeing what you are going through.
I said in an earlier post that I treated gambling like an allergy that was going to kill me – others maybe able to indulge, but not me. You also have the allergy. You also need to take it seriously so that you don’t become its victim. Commit to stopping gambling – take the basic first few practical steps and let us know how you go on. I wish you well.
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It is interesting that often, the most significant sentence in a post is the poster’s first. Here’s yours:
“It’s been a roller coaster ride and in hindsight I can’t believe what an absolute idiot I’ve been.”
In hindsight – as we don’t stop to think about things when we are in the pull of gambling.
The thing is that you KNOW you have a gambling problem. You KNOW that it is doing you harm and yet you still go on gambling. Idiotic – maybe, but I guess that gambling is wired into your brain as your way of dealing with “stuff” – that stuff is the emotions that you have difficulty dealing with – which includes (from reading your post) anger.
So you now know that anger is a trigger for you and will inevitably pull you back to gambling – can you defy the pull?
Great that you have self – excluded but from your post I can see that you are already thinking of ways around that. There is a large part of you that wants to continue gambling and that is the problem – we are trying to control another part of ourselves – our self-destructive behaviour.
This can’t be done alone. You see in a 50/50 situation – sometimes we will control our gambling but at other times we won’t and that is when the damage is done. In order to stay stopped you will need others to support you. In the first instance – others who are going through it or have passed through which you will find in GA or other gambling help groups and forums (chat on here or at Gamcare if you are in the UK.)
If you can enable it and if your partner is willing – then there are resources here and support from GAMANON and similar groups for family support (and individual support for her in living with a compulsive gambler.) I would also suggest that you look at counselling to look at less destructive ways for you to deal with your emotions – so that when you are triggered by them, you can resist gambling by having a constructive alternative. When I am triggered by anger I take myself away from the situation and walk it out – walk for a long period until the “red mist” vanishes and I can think more clearly. I do ensure I try and walk in a countryside area and not near pubs or arcades!!
So I am not going to wish you luck – rather wish you the strength to reach out to others and get the support that you need. Take care.
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I’m not going to mince words or offer platitudes. You, like me, are really fucked up. You need professional help, whether psychological or via counsellor or therapist. Someone who can be objective. Instead of paying for a bet, put that money into a therapist.
Fuck Gamblers Anonymous, and any other of the “anonymous” groups (AA, NA, etc). They will not help you. GA will perversely addict you to staying with them for life, in order to get better from your “disease”. Gambling is not a disease, it’s a choice.
By pretending the choices we make is because of a “disease”, it alleviates us of responsibility for our actions and choices.
This is not a physical health issue. Sorry, we made these choices and fucked our lives up. Time to own up to it.
We have psychological issues that really mess with our ability to cope with the choices we make.
So what are we going to do? Blame things outside of our locus of control, or take charge and do something?
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