25 June 2013 at 3:47 am #9499worriedsickParticipant
I write this, stating that Realization has struck. It did so a long time ago, but I never did anything about it.
Shall tell you my story…
Always liked to have a punt. Growing up, both my Mother and Father were gamblers. My mum is in the throws of a gambling addiction and we have enabled each other for years (although remains unspoken between us)
Used to be fun, used to be a ‘great night out’. Now, it seems it is all I can think about.
I started gambling heavily when my husband went to work overseas. Felt alone and sad. It passed the time and was mind numbing…
My husband is unaware of the problem. But it is becoming harder and harder to cover up the damage that I have done. I know everyone will advocate for telling him, but due to his mental health issues at the moment, It would cause irrepairable damage. So I wont.
So… many, many, many unpaid debts. Approx $60,000 in ‘secret’ loans that he is unaware of.
The clincher this last month was that I had $9,000 in unpaid council rates and they were threatning to sell my house. I knew this was going to happen.. but I had a plan… my plan being that I would apply under compassionate grounds for release of super to prevent sale of home.
However, without any knowledge, the council applied pressure to my bank, and in order for them to ‘protect’ their investment, the bank paid out the outstanding council rates and added the $9000 as a default on my loan. So now, my bank are involved (who have been awesome I must say). So I applied under compassionate grounds for the arrears in my loan to be paid and have spent the entire month with a knot in my stomach and constant heartburn.
But here is where the story gets really sad. After I sent off my application and sitting back waiting the month for an answer, I call in to the local club. What do you know, I won nearly $12,000.
I sat on the chair and the stress just ebbed away from me. What do you know, I have the money to pay out the mortgage arrears (with legals nearly ten thousand)
I thanked all in sundry up above for looking out for me. But then I get to thinking. Ive already applied for the money from my superannuation. I cant pay out the arrears until that application is processed. Because how helpful would it be to have the arrears paid out and also have nearly 12,000 to settle out some other debts.
So, I put my cheque in my ‘secret’ bank account = just so that it would be cleared in time (just incase the application with super was denied). Well the rest is history. In the space of 10 days, I lost all of that money gambling. Not a single cent left. What a frenzy! Ridiculous.
Needless to say, have been sitting here – once again with knots in my stomach – waiting to hear if my application has been approved.
Well I got the call yesterday to state that they had approved it… which is a massive relief. Spoke with my superfund and have asked them to pay it directly into my mortgage and not to me!
As a cause for celebration, called in last night and dropped every last cent we had into the machines. So have spent the morning borrowing money so that we have food etc. till payday.
I know with all certainty that this is just going to continue on until I STOP GAMBLING. No more justifying to myself that it is only going to be 40 or 100 dollars – because it just never is. My husband and I earn really good money. We have no dependants. We should be off jetsetting the world. And could afford to do it. If only…..
So I am here. Today is day 0 for me. But it is the start of a wonderful life ahead. I know it is going to be tough. But I am counting on all of you to keep me accountable. Credit cards cut up this morning. Secret bank accounts closed.
Have confided in a girlfriend who has offered to be my support. So here we go……1 July 2013 at 6:00 am #9500worriedsickParticipant
Okay, so it has been a tad difficult. Struggling to fill my time where I would otherwise be gambling… Have a clean house though! I wont *** and say that I have not broken, but still have made some positive steps. Have self excluded at the online casino’s that I used to use. Funny, I self excluded and shut my accounts down at all but my favourite one. So I log on to the computer just now, find myself going to just put 50 dollars in! Realised that I was just leaving the door open.. so have excluded myself and logged straight back on here. Interestingly, I actually have money left at the end of this fortnight due to putting the brakes on. Which is nice. Usually by this stage, I am looking at cheap meals and become obsessive about checking my bank account.
I can see a few people have read my posts. Thankyou… I am learning so much from people that are going through the same thing!
Another day off tomorrow… plan to go shopping!
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