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    • #55045

      I feel like crap about myself! I really am powerless over the slots! Life has gotten extra difficult lately and I ended up at the casino with my
      bank card on me! OMG! Do I ever regret going! My dog is dying of cancer after several surgeries to remove tumors. My car keeps
      breaking down after I get one thing fixed another one happens right afterwards. My computer has crashed and all the files are
      corrupted. I’m limping an old computer along but it is falling apart and the stores and online are out of computers due to everyone buying one with the
      COVID isolation. I am living with very dysfunctional family and they are abusive to me and I am not able to get out on my own, currently.
      Today after going to like my 4th Walmart and finding zero computers in stock under 600 dollars…I bought a snack and took out 60 bucks…
      Knowing I was just 15 miles from my favorite casino. I usually don’t take my bank card up in that area but I thought I was buying a computer.
      I am really scared now. I went back to the ATM 7 Times! I could have broke even or walked out with 100 bucks at one point. I lost total control of
      myself! HUGE REGRET! I was in there over 8 hours and I drank a bunch of soda which also makes me feel sick.
      It really is progressive. I can’t go in with my card! How did I do that?! It is no longer “fun”! I had my biggest win of 222.00 and I was ready to head
      out but of course I had to try to win more and little by little I lost it all and then hit the ATM again and again. This isn’t like me…to be so powerless…
      I feel really stupid and I am nauseas over the amount of money I lost…I know it is crap to chase my losses. I went several months without gambling
      during COVID…and I thought it would be a good time to quit! I used the excuse that there was nothing else to do…when the casinos opened back up!
      How do you get over this? The guilt is really scaring me! The craziness of it…going back to the ATM again and again! Even though I hated it…I still
      kept going and promising myself I’d go home with the next win…no matter how small!
      I know the slots are made to hypnotize…put one in a trance…the graphics…the excitement of winning…I just don’t understand why I don’t leave when I’m
      ahead or cut my losses?!!!!!

    • #55046

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #55047

      As i have been there done that….emptying my bank account. And i have been many times in your current situation – the awful compulsive gambling hangover, the pain (mainly from lying from my loved ones who worry where I am) anxiety and emptiness. I just had enough and so i decided it’s time to face it – i banned myself from all casinos and have been coming here to read the multitude of sufferings that cg could cause. Also very helpful to come clean to your loved ones coz the lying isolates you from them. Take a deep breath and find in your heart the sincere conviction that you want to end your destructive behavior. It’s only then that your path to recovery starts. For now let these unpleasant feelings consume you, feel their rawness…they are constant reminders how awful cg could be.

    • #55048

      You wrote: “I just don’t understand why I don’t leave when I’m ahead or cut my losses?!!!!!”

      I didn’t understand it either. I am well-educated, sensible and knowledgeable in lots of areas – so why could I not stop putting coins in a machine over and over again? Why could I not stop myself from taking money out of the ATM 6 or 7 times a day?

      The answer is that I have a gambling problem, a wiring problem in my head which is triggered by thoughts of gambling to the extent that when I think of gambling I have an internal fight within myself between the feeling part that wants to bet and the thinking part that doesn’t. And guess what? The feeling part always wins. And when he wins – he plays and plays and plays until I leave to go home sick at what I have done.

      The first thing to do is recognise and admit I have the problem. You seem to have done that – well done. The second is to make it as hard as possible for myself to gamble. Lose access to the gambling sites. Ban or bar yourself from them – check if there are schemes in your state for this – or contact the casinos directly and ban yourself. It is not fool-proof but it puts a barrier in the way and the more barriers the better. Another barrier is to get someone you trust to handle your finances for a while until the urge to gamble lessens. Finally get good support for yourself – via this site, or Gamblers’ Anonymous (meetings are often online now) or via SMART recovery.
      You can stop gambling. It is possible – it is probably about 12 years since I last played a slot machine. I tell you this not to boast but to show you it can be done. I wish you well.

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