[Wezqpr]

Hello, my name is Paul and I have only been gambling 3 months I started small with 1 pound spins online 3 months later I’m up to 25 pounds per spin and addicted. I always liked the odd bet on the horses but could take it or leave it no more than a 50 quid loss until one day I received an email with 15 free spins I tried it and won 20 quid that was it,I have an addictive personality and in my younger days I did take drugs but nothing to serious and I do like a drink,I think I realised I had an issue was on a family holiday I took my laptop and gambled at every chance. I made 4 grand then blew it all ,I hated that feeling I was a nervous wreck and felt sick I had trouble sleeping and was on edge,I got home and started again with a bit of luck then lost again .i couldn’t take the lying to my wife who is my soulmate and I couldn’t bear to hurt her so I broke down in front of her and confessed ,she was releved as she thought I was having an affair I was so distant.since then I have still been gambling and I’m 9 grand up ,I put the money all in my wife’s account,I thought I had it made but then lost 3 grand in one night and now I’m desperate for some money to chase my losses ,I think that’s the hardest feeling of all after a big loss it drives you crazy,I’m going to try to take a 3 month break to see if I can stop as its now all I think about its making me ill ,I’m so focused on gambling my kids are coming second and I can’t have that. Wish me luck as the self doubt is there already,I told my wife to take my laptop off me as a start any more suggestion?

[velvet]

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Hello Paul and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Dunc]

Hi Paul
Paul recovery is as hard or as easy as we make it, there isn’t a set rules, book or magic pill, you may be a recreational gambler whose hit a problematic part of the addiction spectrum or you may be a recreational gambler whose gone straight to the compulsive end unfortunately this isn’t something I can answer. What is clear though is the dramatic increase in your size of bets and the impact that your gambling has caused your wife, believing you were having an affair must have been horrendous for her and whilst gambling may seem like a better option, gambling is known as the “Mistress” for a reason. The addiction is secret, it has very few outward signs, its destroys families, wives, Husbands and kids whist we as gamblers continue thinking were causing no harm except financial
Paul I’m reading so really positive parts in here, and some parts that maybe you could look at yourself and answer
The positives are your here, you’ve been honest, you have a wife who is supporting you and most of all you’ve asked for more suggestions, and that to me shows commitment to You, your wife & kids… isn’t that what a family is about.
The confusing part for me is when you say ” I’m going to try to take a 3 month break”, Paul recovering is a decision that has to be 100% commitment… but reading that it’s as if your just looking to take a break from gambling in the hope you can regain control in 3 months…
As I said earlier I can’t say if your compulsive or not, time doesn’t determine how far we’ve travelled, the effects on you and your family determine that
Sure there is a financial impact, but to your wife and kids I doubt they would share the same view as you on chasing your losses or wondering what will happen in 3 months, I’m sure they know what they want, their husband and dad back and let the money go after all what are you chasing as you put £9000 in your wife’s account technically you’ve nothing to chase
Paul I’m reading a man that has succumbed to this addiction in a rapid way, I’m reading a man who clearly loves his wife, who clearly loves his kids and knows what may have started as an innocuous game has the potential to destroy them and himself and that there is no 3 month line, their cannot be any chasing, your next gamble if you chose to make it would be gambling your family future not a financial loss
Paul yes ive possibly hit hard but if it makes you stop and think then im glad I have, this is about a family .. this isn’t just about you.
Paul you asked for suggestions on what next. The fact your wife knows that you’ve gambled, the fact she’s still there is fantastic.
Paul computers can be blocked from gambling just look at https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/gamblock it explains everything… yes there are free blockers but I assure you, this is the only software I recommend to ensure your families safety. Having access to your laptop may allow you to use us for a greater level of support
The most obvious suggestions revolves around having what I assume are separate accounts… sure your wife had 9k deposited, I’m just wondering if in your mind you see this as your money and would that have an impact on the way you think. But the biggest issue is the way you managed to lose 3k in a night even after telling your wife and knowing she knew something was wrong… how did you have access to that without your wife knowing? Have you considered being 100% honest and handing over total financial control to your wife, don’t your family deserve to feel secure
Paul 3 months or 25 years gambling, the fact you’ve escalated at an extreme rate, the fact your actions have had a dramatic affect on your wife and kids, and you Paul after all you didn’t ask to become addicted…. have you considered getting some professional help
We have a helpline, and groups as well as the forum, why not come and have a chat… and please, your wife may also need support please let her know we’re here for her as well

[marko1231]

Hope you managed to stop your self
If you have a addictive personality you are a prime candidate
To become a CG, do your self the biggest favour you can do for your self hand all your finances over to your wife if needs be use your wining and take her on a good holiday and forget you ever gambled its early day for you.
you really don’t want to travel the road many of us on this site have walked . believe it or not losing the money is not the worst part losing your self is.

[p]

Hi nice to meet you and its great you have come here and get the ball rolliing to recovery.. if you are a compulsive gambler no time off the bet will make you better at gambling, its a progressive thing, if you think its progressing at a rapid rate now and you gamble for another year, it will be a guarantee that you will come back saying if i had stopped at that point which is now.. wow it progresses fast.. its got no mercy, it just eats us alive. Start putting things in place now. Gamblers anonymous, counselliing, this site, theres groups, one on one advice.. the addiction cant be taken lightly, it actually kills people in the end, or sends them insane or to prison.. it just continually progresses to a point thats un imaginable. Its like an alcoholic saying i will just not drink for a little while and then i wil be able to drink again in moderation because i have stopped for 3 months.. what will happen to the alcoholic, they will have one sip of that beer and think this is ok im in control, after one they will have another and another and then wind up saying.. il never do it again, then do it again, and so the cycle continues. Ive never seen a compulsive gambler that can gamble normally ever after crossing the line into compulsve gambling.. if you are not a compulsive gambler now there are all the signs of heading in that direction and once it has hold wow is it hard to stop.
Well done on coming here, on being brave, on asking questions.. questions which may help your future.. its such a massive risk to continue.. if you can get out now.. do it.

P

[Author]

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