21 November 2015 at 10:41 pm #9892
Hi Ican. Sometimes life really sucks. It is so hard to lose people that we care about. Next March will mark the 3rd year since my Husband died. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday and sometimes it feels like it was years ago. Just remember the good times and memories. It helps me get through the sadness. I hope your friend with cancer finds peace and the Doctors find a way to help her. I love the way that you found some laughter in your sad day. Take care1 January 2016 at 6:37 pm #9893maverick.Participant
Just wanted to send you my very best Icandothis, I hope this finds you well and as always wish you all the very best in the world, take care of yourself Ican and look forward to sharing with you very soon.
Maverick3 January 2016 at 10:24 pm #9894
I hear you loud and clear on Sad’s thread, Ican…..Things, people and even God Himself get in our way and frustrate us when we “need” to gamble. We resent them for “depriving us of having fun”!
Time and reason serve to still our heart’s (false)desire!16 January 2016 at 9:50 pm #9895
Thanks, Vera. When those urges hit, they can really mess with our minds.
I haven’t posted on my thread in a while, so I thought I would give an update. The Holidays were very enjoyable. Relaxing. I worked really hard at work before Christmas, so I didn’t have a lot of time for preparation. It was nice really. No time to stress about everything. I only bought a few gifts, but I tried to be make them more thoughtful. It seemed to work. I didn’t put any presents under the tree for Christmas morning, like I usually do. My daughter woke up, looked under the tree and said, “What no Santa Claus?” lol
The downer part of the Holidays was that my daughter was let go from her job two weeks before Christmas. She was devastated, but she put on a good face. I am very worried about her for so many reasons. What can I say? It’s what mothers do. She spent lots of time with us, which was just the barrier I needed to stop me from gambling. Also, a positive is that she had an interview in New York city, and I was able to give her some money for the trip. If I were gambling, I wouldn’t have been able to help her.
All in all, things are going well. I am looking forward to this new year. I am more optimistic than I have been in years. I have lots of New Year’s resolutions, lots of things I would like to change about myself. I am going to be easy about it though. Look for progress, not perfection.
I am praying for my daughter but trying to keep up my faith in her and her ability to take care of herself and move forward. As she said, “Mom, this has hit me hard, but I’m a scrapper. I’ll be ok.” I am not exactly sure what a scrapper is, but I would like to think she gets it from me. lol
Happy new year, everyone! Be easy on yourselves.17 January 2016 at 4:34 pm #9896
Thanks for posting! I have thought of you and wondered how you were doing. I’m glad the holidays were enjoyable for you. Your Daughter will be fine. She seems to have self confidence and faith within herself. I will be praying that she lands a job soon. I am optimistic about this year also! May we stay gamble free and reach some of our resolutions! Take care.27 February 2016 at 2:47 pm #9897
I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I last posted. All in all, I would have to say that recovery is going well.
I am learning to stop running away, doing some untangling and facing my wounds. I am beginning to see that my yearnings run deeper than my desire to gamble, therefore, gambling will never be able to satisfy whatever it is I long for.
Gambling is like the bone on the side of the road. It has the luscious stink a dog can’t refuse. (Not that i’m a dog. lol) One that has cost me greatly. One I have failed time and time again to pass by. Yet, even though I have failed time and again, I will keep trying again and again, until I can pass it by.
I have been trying to focus on what I really want and continuing to ask, “Is this really how I want to live my life?” (Thanks, Geordie for your post that stirred me up.) I do believe my life is getting better and my resolve is getting stronger. I don’t feel as tempted to leave my path for that ### bone!
Today I hope everyone enjoys their travels on recovery road and please don’t stop for any bonehocks along the way! lol4 March 2016 at 4:51 pm #9898maverick.Participant
Great post Ican, hope you are keeping well and keep up the great effort, its amazing how enjoyable life is if we dont gamble, lets both get enjoying it, take care and hope this finds you well.
Maverick6 March 2016 at 11:50 pm #9899
“Gambling will never be able to satisfy whatever it is I long for”.
I agree with that statement, Ican, but even tough we are aware of the lack of satisfaction it brings , we still gamble. (I just read your post on Lizbeth’s Thread)
I think our flawed human nature will always pull us down and left to our own devices, we will succumb to our weakness.
That is why we need a Higher Power to turn to in times of temptation.
The good news is, tomorrow is a new day!7 March 2016 at 7:37 pm #9900
Thank you so much for your post on my thread! I really needed to hear what you had to say! Your words brought many of my scattered thoughts together. “Gambling will never be able to satisfy whatever it is that I long for”, I love your quote. That is exactly how I feel. All we can do is keep trying and focusing on what we want out of life. No bonehocks for me!31 March 2016 at 11:18 pm #9901
So much has been going on. Wanted to give a bit of an update.
We just got back from moving my daughter into her new place in Brooklyn, New York. The smallest apartment I have ever seen! And, so expensive!!!
I think she has made it over the hump. She works part-time for a company that really likes the work she does. I feel better to see where she is living, but the reality of her being gone, away from home, is hard.
This trip, along with the monetary help we provided, has set us back.
This is so different from trying to recover from my gambling debt.
No secrets, no silence, no denial.
My husband and I are working as a team. Two people who are proud of their daughter and their ability to help her. Two people who are working together to spend less and earn more to make up for the money they invested in their daughter’s future.
We need to find a way to make our way back from this debt. But, I can’t tell you the difference, the freedom, in being honest and open about the challenge before us.
This has been a very humbling experience, as I am learning to trust my daughter and her decisions about how she chooses to live her life. And, also, about trusting our decisions about how we choose to spend our money. Of which, I thank God, I am not choosing to spend on gambling!1 April 2016 at 1:09 am #9902
Hi Ican, I am glad that you got your Daughter settled. It is hard to see your children move away. I like that you and your Husband are working as a team! That makes everything better! Any debt is better than gambling debt! From your post it also seems like you are more content with your life! It feels like you are in a good place. Take care.2 May 2016 at 3:30 am #9903
Was it last year, or the year before you enjoyed the May Hymn on You Tube, Ican?
Fr Sydney Mc Ewan, the Scottish tenor’s version is by far the best.
Always brought a tear to my mother’s eye. Still does to mine…
Tempus fugit!13 May 2016 at 2:15 am #9904
Sorry to hear you’re going through a bit of a struggle, Ican.
Would it help to post about it?
Sometimes it’s good to share what we are struggling with.
Up to you!13 May 2016 at 2:30 am #9905
I just wanted to say hi! You have always been so supportive of me I am thinking of you. You do have a lot of supporters here. Just remember. Take care.21 May 2016 at 2:04 pm #9906
Thanks Lizbeth and Vera.
Vera, I guess that is all it was, a bit of a struggle. Nothing specific really. Trying to work through some issues and make some changes. Not easy, but I believe it is the benefit or perhaps the curse of recovery. Having the space in my head to think about other things besides gambling. And, realizing that not wanting that space is why i gambled in the first place.
I am learning that It’s great to want to change, but it is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight, and I need to be easier on myself about it.
Lizbeth, you have been a great support to me, too. I need to catch up, but I hope you are doing well. I have been very busy, which is a good thing. As I have been clearing the space in my head of gambling thoughts and filling it with other desires, I literally do not have space in my life for gambling.
Hey, perhaps I’m finally in recovery!!! lol
Take care. Blessings to you, Liz and Vera, and everyone here! As Lizbeth says, we are all worth the fight!
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