5 October 2013 at 4:31 am #9652bettieParticipant
Hi Ican! Good to see your post on my thread.
There will come a time when the urges get less and easier to get past.
Do you go to meetings? Do you have any outside support?
Everyone needs support and people who understand us. GT is a great tool but why not have a full tool box? I have often found anything by Melodie Beattie is wonderful. She is a deep thoughtful person.
Wishing you peace this weekend.
bettie9 October 2013 at 8:53 pm #9653
Hello, just want to say that i understand the struggle. I know its hard with finances. Keep trying ican with stopping gambling, never give up on giving up. I started counselling again which seems to be a help and GA meetings help keep me sane. Glad the site is up and running again.
Keep going ican, you can do this
P11 October 2013 at 1:30 pm #9654
Things have been difficult, but just for today, I am going to “pack up my troubles”. Today is the rehearsal and tomorrow’s the wedding!!! So many blessings to focus on!!! I better get packed and ready to celebrate! “Love is a many splendid thing!”12 October 2013 at 10:48 pm #9655
Enjoy the wedding ican and be sure to give us all the details.. waiting to hear. Enjoy. 🙂
P14 October 2013 at 2:27 pm #9656
A wonderful wedding weekend. My son and his bride were so happy. Beaming the entire weekend. It is wonderful to be surrounded by so many family members and friends. There were 250 people at the church and reception. Every thing was perfect. A beautiful sunny fall day. In my opinion, all brides are beautiful, but my new daughter-in-law was stunning ! The Priest was so easy going and made us all feel comfortable. His sermon was about the importance of friendship between a husband and wife and also in general. You could just feel the love that surrounded the bride and groom and their families.
Then, on the way home, I had many thoughts of gambling. I always have urges after a big event. And this was a big one! Today, is more of the same. I am not going to give in. I am worthy of all the blessings I have been given. It is time to live in alignment with all that life has created me to be. I was not meant to be a part of this magnificent family and community of friends, and then dishonoring this gift by gambling away time and money.
I think this marriage has shown me just how large our lives really are. As I sit here today once again by myself, I need to be reminded of that. I am part of something bigger than myself, and also part of something that I had a part in creating. I need to once again live that truth and stop the selfishness of continuing to create unnecessary misery in my life!15 October 2013 at 9:05 pm #9657desdemonaParticipant
Dear ((((icandothis)))! Just catching up on people’s threads and am happy to see that you’re hanging in there with recovery. It’s all about progress and not perfection. Carole19 October 2013 at 10:03 pm #9658
So pleased the wedding went well.it sounded wonderful. Those urges can be nasty. Keep putting off the idea when it comes up. When it does. Get busy with anything. Distract that focus and it will pass. Good for you. Keep going ican
P21 October 2013 at 1:33 am #9659AnonymousGuest
… how similar life is for so many people. You’ve said a couple of things in your post to me that really resonated with me. [Thanks for the post :)] One was that you want to get rid of the demon in the middle of your relationship with your husband. I always had a negative reaction when I heard people speak of the “gambling demon” or the devil on their shoulder in relation to gambling. My feeling is that we’re all responsible for our own actions, and we shouldn’t minimize it by attributing our actions to a mythical being.
Then, in our discussion after I gambled last week, my husband said (almost apologetically) that he had to tighten up financial control even further because “there is a devil among us”. I found it interesting that he felt that way. And now I see how so many can feel they are manipulated by a gambling demon. For me though, it translates in the marketing people, the politicians who support casinos, etc. There are so many people and institutions heavily invested in making casinos and other forms of gambling work — and that, for me, is the demon.
Even in the midst of working hard on recovery, gambling manages to wriggle its ugly tentacles into our lives. I open Facebook, and there are ads reaching out to me, I click on my e-mail and there are dozens are emails from online casinos trying to entice me back online, I drive down the highway and signs point me to the slots venues, then there’s the television, radio, newspapers — every possible avenue — and there it is!! The demon!!
The other thing that I’m glad you reminded me of was our worth as mothers. There was an article recently that pegged the monetary value of stay at home moms at between 115,000 and 170,000 per year. Imagine if we were actually paid that!! Personally, I think it’s the fact that society has so often under-valued SAHMs that I’ve been so depressed about my two years at home. Why is it that we — the beings who carry, deliver, raise and produce presidents, lawyers, doctors — all the most powerful men in history — are so grossly undervalued? It’s a universal disgrace!!
But unfortunately, the Koolaid is still strong in my veins and I feel I need to do more to contribute to the household. So, the inability to do so adds to my rapidly deteriorating self-esteem and I try to boost it with unhealthy and unnatural “highs”.
Sorry — rambling on and on. You have left me with much to ponder — thank you.
Hope your weekend was a wonderful one and your recovery ever-successful.
RG23 October 2013 at 12:52 am #9660ready2changeParticipant
Hello ican good to hear from you great use had a great day at the wedding i still remember your daughter being late for her interview and still getting the job hope the job still going well. Take care23 October 2013 at 3:08 pm #9661
Thanks, R2C. Actually, she hates the job. But, she has saved money and is planning to move to New York City, which is her dream, next month. However, she has no job lined up in NYC.
I am feeling very unmotivated this morning. Reading through posts. Staring at the screen thinking about getting dressed and going gambling. I know. I can hardly believe it myself. Maybe by writing, I can talk myself out of it. These are the days, the days when I just don’t feel like doing anything else. Thinking…what’s the point of staying here and also, what’s the harm of a little escape? Not making any progress here. At least I’ll get out of the house and have a nice fall drive. The urges actually started last night when I was thinking that I was feeling better about myself and my life. Why does this happen when things begin to improve? Why do I sabotage myself? Why do I begin to think that a gambling visit here and there can fit into my somewhat sane life? Insanity!!! Why do I stop short of really taking action to make the changes in my life that I could to improve things?
Yesterday, was a good day. I had something to focus on. The newlyweds came for dinner. Today…nothing. Why do I have such a hard time creating something new for myself?
Good questions…23 October 2013 at 5:18 pm #9662lizbeth4Participant
Hi ican, I haven’t been faithful lately posting but I wanted to say hi and hang in there. For myself, I put my children and Husband before myself. When the kids grew up and left home, I really had a hard time. I think we have to find ourselves again and kind of reinvent our path. I have had gambling thoughts the last 2 days in the mist of packing and buying a house. Crazy, ugh? Just hang in there! Take care.24 October 2013 at 1:52 pm #9663
Thanks Lizbeth and Vera. I didn’t gamble yesterday. Still a struggle today. Life has me down. Trying to work things out. I know if I could just get myself to do something, I would feel better. Just can’t get there.25 October 2013 at 8:04 pm #9664
Trying to join the community group. Don’t see the green join button!25 October 2013 at 8:40 pm #9665charlesModerator
Sorry Vera, Im in group now, not sure what happened. If you are still reading then as you were in the group you SHOULD be able to reconnect even though the 15 minutes is up.25 October 2013 at 11:00 pm #9666trulyshiParticipant
A long time ago I was here on the unmoderated chat line and told the other person in there that I had no idea what to do with myself now that I wasn’t gambling. They asked me what I used to enjoy doing before I started gambling and I actually had to sit awhile and think in order to remember. Well, I used to like to crank my music up in the kitchen and try out a new recipe, so that’s exactly what I did and as I was doing it, it brought back a lot of fond memories and I found myself thoroughly enjoying it. Later that day I sat and thought of other things I used to enjoy. Gambling had taken up so much of my time and thoughts that I had pushed all those things out of my mind and my life. It was almost like I was being a child and saying – if I can’t gamble then I don’t want to do anything else. Give it a try Ican, just pick one thing that you used to enjoy, whether it’s watching a good movie, knitting, walking, cooking or soaking in the tub with a glass of wine. Congratulations on not gambling recently, way to go. Debbie
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.