28 October 2013 at 1:44 am #9667
I don’t know where to start describing this weekend. Last week was tough. A let down after the wedding and then a busy week that followed. We had friends come to visit from out of town Friday night. We went to our cottage Saturday. Worked to close things up and were at the trailer Saturday planning to stay Sunday night also. Had a nice dinner with my brother and SIL. Point…much needed time with husband. Feeling good about things in general. Then..Sunday AM .. text from my daughter..her boyfriend of three years has broken up with her. We packed things up and headed home. She is devastated. Our new DIL spent the day with her. What a blessing ! Her brother loves her, but he can not provide the comfort that her new sister was able to provide. I made her a nice dinner. She hardly ate any of it. she then asked me to rub her back. She laid in front of the fire and I rubbed her back. I was thinking as I was rubbing her back that I was rubbing away her broken heart. I wish it were that easy. I can’t say I am devastated because he never gave much to our family. I never felt that he was devoted or totally in love with our daughter. And, now, I guess, he has provend that to be true.
My wish has always been that she would meet someone who gets her and who appreciates her like we do. Who thinks she is as amazing as we do..no, someone who thinks she is more amazing than we do. He was not that someone.
I was lucky enough to find that someone. I want that for my daughter. I know my son is that man for his new wife. If I could bottle up the look on my son’s face as his bride walked down the isle, I would send it to every woman in the world…especially to my daughter!
Relationships are complicated, and he is not a bad guy. I am just saying that my daughter deserves someone who thinks she is the stars and the moon because, well, that is what she is…28 October 2013 at 1:56 pm #9668
Ican sorry to hear about your daughter. It is interesting that no matter their age our kids are always our kids. We want to take away their pain, but it’s not like when they were little and we could put a Band-Aid on something. If our kids are hurting we hurt for them. I know that my daughter has gone through break-ups and all you can do is be there for them as they deal with it. My daughter does not have a boyfriend and I really wish that she would meet someone who would cherish her, but we don’t know what the plan is.
Your post got me to thinking Ican that it was after my son, his gf at the time, now his wife moved away with our first grandson that I felt really lost. I think it was not long after that when I started my gambling. It took me a long time to adjust to it. I think when we have kids that we sometimes envision the future as they are growing up and it does not seem to work out that way.
I am proud of all my kids and I know that they have to lead their own life, but I do miss my grandkids. I now realize what it must have been like for my parents when we moved to Canada from Scotland. As we get older I think we look back at something in a different manner.
Vera, I loved your story.
I am sorry to be rambling on your page Ican, but I feel for you. I think after a wedding or big event there is always a bit of a downer, and then to have this happen to your daughter. All I can do is say a prayer for you and your family.30 October 2013 at 8:28 pm #9669
I wrote an update, but it was lost. I’ll write later. Things have gone from bad to worse. Wanted to gamble so bad today. I didn’t, so that is one good thing I can say about today. Also, it was a beautiful fall day, and I took a nice walk. Now. I’m going to make chili for tomorrow and then go to book club. Times like these I really need to be with my girlfriends. I wish my daughter had girlfriends close by. She is really in a bad way. And a mother can only do so much.1 November 2013 at 12:58 pm #9670
The update: Daughter called in sick to work on Monday. We thought, ok, we’ll let her take the day off. Monday night we told her she needed to go to work on Tuesday. She agreed and off to work she went Tuesday morning. She called me Tuesday afternoon and told me she was on her way home and that she had quit her job!!! That girl is going to be the death of me.
Last night was a nice Halloween. Family and friends for dinner. Trick-or-treaters. Husband and I and the kids dressed up and handed out candy.
We put the cottage up for sale yesterday. We simply cannot afford to keep it any longer and have not been able to for a long time. Such a wonderful piece of lakefront property. Beautiful woods and a river. Been in our family since I was 16. It has a beautiful stone archway built in the late 1800’s . I enjoy driving through it every time. So hard to give it up. My husband was very upset after talking to the realtor.
I am looking forward to better days ahead.13 November 2013 at 1:55 am #9671
Ican sorry that you are having such a tough time with everything lately, but WTG on not gambling in October!!!! I had to go way back to find your page so I thought I should bring you up to the top again!!! Life seems to keep throwing challenges and some times we feel as if it is one thing after the other. I know that I sometimes want to go gambling just to escape, but I know that I will feel worse if I do. The gambling does not make anything go away, whatever was bothering us is still there after we have been gambling. Plus we also feel worse because we gambled and lost more money!!! I find that when I come here and read the posts of some that are excited about things that are happening in their life really give me a lift. It is wonderful to hear how well they are doing and how much they are getting on with life. All any of us can do is take it one day at a time. I like Debs suggestion about turning the music up loud and I find it helps me!!! As a parent we always feel for our kids and I know that I want to take all their pain away, but that is not life. I hope that your daughter is doing a bit better. Keep posting Ican!!!13 November 2013 at 12:49 pm #9672ready2changeParticipant
Hi ican just thought i would pop in and say hello hope alls well with you19 November 2013 at 11:18 am #9673pParticipant
Hi there I can i hope you are finding those better days today…
P20 November 2013 at 1:42 pm #9674
I just read your post on the November ODAAT and what an awesome upbeat post you wrote. It is so true we have so much to be thankful for and we need to focus on that. I know that you are probably hurting for your daughter right now as I know that I did when my daughter broke up with her boyfriend. You just want to take away their pain, but we can’t. It sounds as if your daughter is slowly starting to come round though. It is amazing how we want our kids to have perfect life’s and not to be hurt, but it is realizing that it is not in our control and accepting that. This post is as much for me as you Ican because as I am typing I realized that I can’t control things and it is accepting that. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and better to eat too much turkey than feed those machines!!!! Have a great day!!!28 November 2013 at 7:10 pm #9675desdemonaParticipant
Dear (((icandothis)))! It sounds like you have had lots of challenges of late, and you have managed them brilliantly. It is so true that when our kids hurt, we hurt for them. Better to find out a partner isn’t for us sooner than later. We’ve all had our hearts broken, some of us more than once, and we do recover, and it does make it stronger eventually. Your daughter’s heart will heal and she will be happy again. Take care of yourself and your recovery, because it’s all we have. Carole29 November 2013 at 9:38 pm #9676pParticipant
Hi there just wondering how its all going, how is it going with the sale of the cottage, i really hope things are working out for you. Hope also that things are going well for your daughter and improving. Just really wishing you good thoughts for the day today and wanted to say hello and that i am thinking of you at this time from far across the sea..
P30 November 2013 at 8:55 pm #9677
I am just wondering how things are going for you. I hope that your daughter is feeling a bit better. Relationships are so challenging and when our kids are in pain we ache for them. Life can be difficult and then add the gambling addiction it is unbearable. I think when we start playing those machines it is fun and exciting and we innocently think we have found a fun activity…. wow how fast that changes!!!! We can’t change the fact that we are CG’s and always will be. I know I would sometimes love to run away to play machines and not think about anything, but then it just adds to whatever I was running from in the first place… escaping from reality. Wow, sorry I did not mean to be so pessimistic on your page. Wishing you are “happy gamble free day”!!!!2 December 2013 at 1:24 am #9678
Thanks so much, Cat, Carole, and P. Quite a busy weekend. Thanksgiving, football, tree hunting and decorating the house, packing up my daughters things and moving her to her new apartment. She now lives one hour away and will start her new job tomorrow. Her apartment is great, and with the help of my son and DIL, she is quite settled in. Pictures on the walls and everything. Hubby and I are home, just finished eating more Thanksgiving leftovers and are exhausted from the long weekend.
Remember I was upset that she quit her last job. On the ride home, my DIL told me that my daughter had to call her previous boss and wake him up each morning. Also, that shortly before she quit, he had asked her to cut up his lunch for him. That just disgusts me and makes me so angry. Why doesn’t she tell me these things? We would have so supported her decision to quit. Also, we entertained a friend she met on this job this weekend. She was also young and very nice looking. I asked my daughter if most of his employees were young, good-looking females. She said yes. As it is we ended up supporting her decision. But we didn’t understand it. I also feel a little guilty that, even though we didn’t know the details, we didn’t trust her judgment. This really has been a lesson on trust and letting go!
I pray she likes this new job and that she is treated with the respect she deserves. I hope she is ok tonight all alone in her new apartment.2 December 2013 at 2:55 am #9679
Hi Ican, so nice to see your post. I forget that it’s the US Thanksgiving as the Canadian Thanksgiving was a couple of weeks ago. It is tough to let our kids go, but it sounds as if your daughter knows what she is doing. Is this the first time that she has lived away from home on her own. If so it will probably take her a little while to adjust, but it will be good for her.
You should take time for you now Ican and do what you want. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden Sherry came into my head. I wonder how she is doing. I find it tough sometimes as you get to know and connect with people here, and then we don’t hear from them. Take care Ican and WTG on November gamble free!!!!3 December 2013 at 5:47 pm #9680
time for me, means gambling and drinking.4 December 2013 at 3:50 am #9681
It sounds as if you are struggling right now. I am trying to find the right words to say to help you. I know you have been through so much and busy helping your daughter. Quite often when we have been dealing with tough times, not gambling, but other things in life we end up gambling, just to escape. I know that you know what to do, and that gambling is not the answer. Plan to have a gamble free day as you know you can do that. You can do it Ican and have faith in yourself!!!!
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