[monique]

Hi friends.  I just want to start a new thread.
I am thinking a lot about recovery – this word suggests I have been in some way ill and now want to get better.  I am wondering what is the ‘illness’.  Probably it’s lots of things and different things for different people – but I somehow think I can understand recovery better, if I know what I am recovering from.
Huge sadness, disappointment, guilt that someone I brought up could be a gambler, fear that my life and that of my husband and I together will be very impoverished (financially, but also in many other ways), making decisions with half a mind (at least) on what the gambler might need, rather than being able to say ‘he’s an adult now and I can decide what is best for me’ — do these things ring a bell for other parents/spouses?
Thanks for your thoughts.
MoniqueKeep hope alive.

[monique]

Hi Friends
I am away and having a good time generally.  But some bad news re my son did reach us.  It involves financial scam attempts on his part – nothing surprizing when you are dealing with a cg, just we had hoped he was in a better place by now.  The real turning point has not come, obviously.
We are to see him when we get back.  At first we wondered if we should cancel his visit – but it is rare for him to be able to get to us, as we are a long way from him and he never has money to travel (of course).  So the visit is still on and we think he does not know that we know about the scams.
We are wondering how to handle the visit and make it useful, if possible.  Also, can we continue seeing him in the future, if he continues how he is now? 
I am rushing this a bit, so hope it makes sense.  I may not see replies straight away either, but will appreciate them when I do.
Many thanks as ever.
Monique

[monique]

Hi Looby Loo
Thank you for your message and kind thoughts.  I hope your celebrations went well and that things are ok with you.
Love, Monique xxKeep hope alive.

[looby loo]

Hi Monique
We are good thank you. Our celebrations were lovely, and we are off to London on Sunday to see The Jersey Boys, pre-show dinner and travel – a gift from a few of our family/friends 🙂 We plan to meet up with son in London for a coffee too. How is your son ? Hope you and your family are okay. Much love xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[monique]

Thank you Jenny and Ell (and others who have posted before) for your kind thoughts.
I have been away for 2 weeks, so am really behind with what is going on here!  Am just going to read through all the posts of last 2 weeks – gradually.
Nothing new from my son.
Monique x

[looby loo]

Hi Monique
I brought you to the top, to see if you are ok ? Thinking about you and your family and hoping that things are steady as they can be xEveryone has a destiny, it's up to us whether we choose to follow it though !Looby Loo

[monique]

Hi Looby Loo (also Jenny, who wondered about my ‘disappearance’!)
I have not gone away.  I ‘pop in’ regularly, but have no cg news of my own to share.  My son keeps in touch in a minimal sort of way and visits when he can find a way to get to us, but otherwise he gets on with his life (not, as far as we know, in recovery), whilst we get on with ours.  Obviously, legal proceedings will continue and one day we may hear some unwelcome results of those.  But so far, I do not know where things have got to.
Perhaps I have written more on other people’s posts at ***** than I have of late.  I have been getting a lot of migraines again and this can mean I feel a bit sicky and lacking in energy – though on the whole I am fine and keeping fairly busy with a range of interesting activities.
Looby, I hope your son finds his way back to a true recovery.  I know you have had a lot going on in your family and life is full and busy, joyful and painful all at once.
Jenny, I hope you are ok, too, and managing to stay in a healthy place within yourself and for and with your family.
Best wishes to all.
Monique xxKeep hope alive.

[san250]

Hi Monique
Thankyou for writing on my thread. I’ve read some of your pages from the beginning and so much is the same!! I need to read all through but there’s quite alot to read and I am feeling quite overwhelmed with it all at the moment. I have an exam this evening too, so my head is full of stuff, but when I can find a quiet time I will read it all. I have questions but feel if I read through I will find the answers.
However, I know where you are coming from in so many forms and wish you continued strength. Take care.
San x

[monique]

Dear San. Thank you for replying. I hope by the time you read this you will have got through that exam and look forward to good results. I also hope you read other people’s posts on here for ‘you’ and just take what is useful for your own well-being. If one person’s struggle helps another, that is a blessing for both. It is always interesting to read how others have coped – there are so many common themes, so we know we are not ‘crazy’ and that we are not alone. But of course each of us has to walk a unique path too and may need to make different decisions – this is why we say ‘no one else should judge or try to tell you exactly what to do’ etc.. But the general principles do seem to apply to us all in some way and we often learn these from each other. Wishing you good health and strength. Monique x

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