[Beckai]

I feel so down right now. Proud of myself 4 weeks ago completed some therapy, closed accounts,  felt ready to move forward into recover. Felt happy. I lasted all of 4 weeks before I go and open more accounts and gamble again. I’m so angry with myself, disappointed, upset, I feel sick. I feel a failure. I need to start again im thinking of blocking software I mainly use my mobile phone (iPhone) i need to know what software would help? I’m hoping using this site will help too I usually suffer in silence and don’t talk to anyone (family don’t understand and I feel they are angry with me) I hide what I do and how I feel I’m fed up with the lying now. I’m fed up with feeling alone, fed up with these urges, I’m fed up with being ill.  I want to be the person I was before all of this, the person who never thought about money and gambling and worries. I was full of positivity 4 weeks ago that I was determined to get that person back and here I am back to square one again. Arrrggghhh I hate this hold it has over me and how I allow it. 

[velvet]

Hello Beckai and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Beckai

Square one did not have 4 weeks gamble free to look back on and say ‘I did that – I can do it again’. A failure would not be here now starting a thread. The person that you want to be is waiting to be found – she is just a little lost at the moment.

I believe you have come to a wonderful place to find yourself and I hope you will soon feel less alone.

Just for today Beckai, if you feel in danger of being distracted from your goal, come back and read your first post and believe in the person who achieved four weeks gamble free; four happy weeks made up of twent eight ‘just for todays’ when you were happy and controlling your addiction. I know you can do it; I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know it – believe in yourself. I look forward to hearing your progress.

Velvet

[Callmecrazy]

Hi. I recommend taking all your credit cards and scratching off the CVC numbers. You can still use the cards but can’t use them online. If you know the numbers by heart, apply for new ones, tell the bank you lost them and then scratch without looking. Self exclude to old sites.

Also, what helped me is developing a hobby that in a way is similar to gambling but is not gambling. Walking, running, playing tennis is great but you also need something similar to gambling. For example, I gamble to relax, escape and get a thrill. I do it on my Android phone, mostly lying down in a relaxed position. I’ve substituted this with watching true crime documentaries on youtube. My body position is the same as it would be while gambling, the context is thrilling, yet it is not gambling. It’s similar, but safe.

[Author]

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