8 August 2017 at 5:15 am #7936AlakazouParticipant
I am new here and this is my first post. I am writing, because I am fresh out of a long-term relationship, because my ex partner thought that I would never change and, because I did not trust him enough to call him when I had an urge to gamble. Are some of you in stuck in the same situation where you do not live with your significant other and run into those impulses and give in without reaching out?
I am certainly guilty of this. I numb my pain, stress and loneliness in gambling fully knowing the impact of my gambling financially and relationship wise. It is not that I do not love my partner or don’t trust him. I just give in. He seems to think that I do not trust him enough…hence one of the reasons why he left me. Is the urge to place a bet more important than your relationship? Surely not…but in that moment of impulse, I do not always think of the consequences of my actions. The soothing part of placing the bet, the numbing of my pain, stress, and fears, and the excitement of the hope to win are the driving force behind my actions.
I have had my gambling issues for a long time now and it has brought me and my loved ones nothing but pain. I am currently reading a lot of self-help books (how to love yourself, The power of Now, a book about women who have gambling issues,) I am seeing a counselor to deal with the pain of the breakup and also to deal with whatever emotions or experiences that led me to gamble and keep me there. I have registered to the site Smart Recovery and did some of there exercises to change negative and destructive behaviors such as gambling and replacing them with positive and more rewarding behaviors.
I am really trying hard to change my belief system and deal with my emotions in a more positive way. I also reach out to friends and family. This is another new beginning for me, but this time…I really hope that I have the strength to take real action on my words and carry them through and I hope that all of you who are here to seek help do to!8 August 2017 at 9:01 am #7937DuncKeymaster
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team17 August 2017 at 10:57 am #7938MilkTrayManParticipant
I really feel your pain – I’ve been gamble free for a few weeks now and charting my emotional state, I’m actually happier now than I have been in a really long time. The effects on your wellbeing are incredibly powerful with just a few weeks off.
I always found that being alone – especially feeling bored or depressed is the weakest position to be in to resist the urge to gamble.
The only advice I can give you is what worked for me;
I made a plan, spanning over the next 12 months – mostly financial but partly other stuff – so at the end of that plan, I’ll have slashed my debt / saved some money and improved at some of my hobbies (eg/ martial arts) to a good degree..
Once the plan is in place – If I have a compulsion to gamble I will try to think “I don’t NEED to gamble – the plan will sort everything”
I know that gambling will prevent the plan from happening – even if I win, because winning means more gambling which means losing – it’s never enough.
I use an app called wayoflife – which allows me to input my progress on anything every day. This means that I am on track for my master plan on a DAILY level, and that the plan can be pushed back or broken by just ONE day of breaking that chain.
This is a very powerful motivator – but it’s very hard at first.. it gets much easier after about 4 days or so – so hang in there if you try it.
The next step is to think about a year – it’s a long time but it’s also NOT a long time, depending on your mindset.. when you are giving something up time seems to move by so slowly, a day without gambling feels like a week.. But think of something you’ve done that’s lasted years, 1 year – if you can just relax and stick to your plan – is not a long time 🙂
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