21 October 2014 at 12:15 am #7671irishbjjParticipant
I am 40 now, married with 2 beautiful boys that I love dearly. I had 8 years away from gambling.
Yesterday, I left my boys in a pub while on holiday to sneak to a betting office next door. I was gone about 10 mins on each occasion but they thought nothing of it as I said I was going to the toilet.
I am a good person, I care for everyone and I love my wife and my boys. When I have my first bet though, I become obsessed, like really obsessed – amounts, odds, figures racing through my head and I “tune out” of life.
I feel so guilty of the sly person I am, and yet no one knows the real me. I don’t consider suicide, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think of it – my boys deserve an amazing father and I can’t reach the heights I deserve.
I hate betting so much, yet I also love the stress it brings, if that makes sense. I have no interests without it, and life is just so boring.
Maybe I should leave and give my family a chance to move on. I am so confused.22 October 2014 at 9:16 am #7672DuncKeymaster
Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
I apologise for the late welcome. Unfortunately yesterday the organisation was in an all day planning meeting.
Irish you line “Maybe I should leave and give my family a chance to move on. I am so confused.”
The confusion, the guilt, the neglect by popping to the bookies are all by-products of one thing… your addiction. Wouldn’t it be more positive to work on you, than leaving your family without the caring loving dad you say you are ?
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties youre currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if youre new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. Were in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like youre not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
And on that note….
Im going to hand you over to our community because Im sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team8 November 2014 at 3:37 pm #7673AnonymousGuest
Hi Irish, welcome to the site. You are no different than most of us on here.once gambling changes from being a hobby to compulsion, we all get our fix when we can and obsess about it the rest of the time! Well done in starting a thread . I think you will also find the support groups useful. Suicide will have crossed many of our minds, and also the idea of packing up and going. It is so hard to stop but as you know it can be done !
I have stopped I think almost two months and the changes in my life have been amazing. You will know this of course as you have stopped before for eight years.
You are recognising you hAve a problem and you will stop. Use all the support you can get.
I look forward to your next post20 December 2014 at 1:56 pm #7674mark thomasParticipant
i am probably thinking of suicide that what it boils down to right now as we speak am in so much financial difficulties of debts plus neglection of my child i loss my job and my friend list keep dropping day by day am all alone and still all this and i cant stop its jus having the thought that i have all these bills which often stress me gives me that urge to go at it. It is hurting me everyday and i dont see any interest in living again20 December 2014 at 1:57 pm #7675mark thomasParticipant
i am probably thinking of suicide that what it boils down to right now as we speak am in so much financial difficulties of debts plus neglection of my child i loss my job and my friend list keep dropping day by day am all alone and still all this and i cant stop its jus having the thought that i have all these bills which often stress me gives me that urge to go at it. It is hurting me everyday and i dont see any interest in living again22 December 2014 at 7:05 pm #7676charlesModerator
It seems your post has been missed over the weekend, my apologies.
Have you been reading the other stories here? You will see that there is a lot of life after gambling. If you start your own thread in the My Journal Forum you will get a lot of support there, just scroll down the page and click on new Topic to get started.
Once you stop gambling the financial problems can get sorted. There are a lot of options these days ranging from bankruptcy to repayment plans with a lot in between. If you do have suicidal thoughts then use the support you have avaialble. There is always someone to talk to, here is a link that might help. http://www.befrienders.org
There is also a lot of support around to help people stop gambling, it’s important to use it.
Keep posting here, maybe get to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting as well. Maybe counselling. Get barriers in place to make it hard to gamble, thigns like self exclusion, financial barriers etc
You can turn things around I promise you. Start that thread in the My Journal Forum and let us know some of the positive steps you are starting to take.
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