9 October 2022 at 9:11 am #164883justanothergamblerParticipant
I did it again last night. Got drunk, pawned my aunt’s gold and went to the casino.
Recently, when I gamble and lose money, I have this sensation that I should just kill myself.
Whenever I would wake up thorughout the night, that’s the first thing that pops in my mind after remembering what I did.
I would never contemplate suicide for a temporary situation, if all I had to do is pay my debts and get over with it, I would happily do that.
But it’s starting to feel like a permanent problem, I feel like I will never manage not to gamble.
I’ve gambled since I was 14-15 years old and I believe that it’s wired in my brain in such a way that it will always be super-hard not to gamble.
I’m still the person I was 11-12 years ago apparently, when I was just a kid. Nothing seems to have changed in regards to this.
Day 1 I guess, will see where this goes
10 October 2022 at 7:14 pm #164966charlesModerator
Hi and welcome back,
As you have mentioned suicide I am first going to giv you this link: https://www.befrienders.org/ There is always someone you can connect with there.
There is a lot of life after gambling and suicide is a permanent solution to what is a temporary problem.
You have posted here before so will have heard some of this advice before.
Read the otehr stories here, you will read a lot that you will relate to. You will also see the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?
Barriers aren’t the total answer to addiction but they beat the hell out of willpower and gtive you chance to start work on recovery.
Get yourself excluded from whereever it is you usually gamble. If that is online then there are also blockers to stop youy signing up elsewhere. Is there someone close to you who knows about your gambling? Or that it is a problem? They could help you with accountability, limit your easy, instant access to funds with which to gamble.
Keep posting and let us know the positive steps you are taking. Also the things you start doing in your life instead of gambling.
Remember we have groups and 1 – 1 support here as well.
Most of all use support – there is a lot of it around these days, from sites like this to face to face meetigns, to counselling, even zoom support groups. Then keep using it – not just now while you want to stop, but also for continued support to maintain recovery.
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