18 January 2011 at 1:42 pm #2618monesueParticipant
Hi, Not even 72 hours ago my partner of 10 years and father to my 5 year old son admitted he had gambling debt. He admitted that for 7 years he has been gambling online. Last year without me knowing he forged my signature and remortgaged my house to the sum of £130,000. He did not stop there. In 6 months he has accrued £28,000 of credit card debt and owes £12,000 in taxes by the end of the month. 24 hours before he broke down and told me I had just had my miscarriage confirmed by us at hospital. So I know that I’m probably not thinking rationally.
I had no idea. I knew he was secretive about money but I thought it was because he was trying to be independant. How could I not know. Why did I never check the money situation? My parents have provided well for me and I think that he initially was trying to give me what they could. I have looked at his credit card statements and his email account and it makes for scary reading. He could gamble £12,000 a day. He clearly had big wins at times but never enough to make him stop. All his emails are about applying for loans and credit cards and betting tips and online gambling sites.
I can’t get my head around it. I feel like I am part of the problem. Am I? What do I do now? Do I stay with him? Our relationship has been a lie for 7 years. He’s been moody, sulky and defensive. I know that these are symptoms of the addictions from the reading I have done. I feel like I don’t know who he is. I am sad and scared to think what the future holds for us, for my son. I had this idea of how are future was heading (financially) and that image has been well and truly shattered. I thought we were comfortable, nice house, nice cars, private school for my son, good jobs. He’s earning a very good wage. My parents are trying to figure out a way to help us financially and I’m sure that something will be figured out – for me anyway and I will be kept out of it as much as I can even if it means my parents buying out his half of the mortgage and taking his name off. Do i then make him go bankrupt and let him fend for himself? Or do I take the offer of £50,000 from my brother and pay off the credit cards and taxes? My partner is weak and I’m not sure he can handle my family having that kind of a hold over him. I think that’s what’s caused the problem in the first place.
The one priority question I have is. Can he stop? From looking at his statements and email and the lkying he has doen, the fraud he has committed. I don’t think he can. How could he forge my signature and have my house valued without my knowledge.Do I help him through this or do I take my son, protect myself and run. I’m sacred of how to speak to him. If I scream and shout will he try to kill himself? If I don’t scream and shout and my family step in to help will he think it’s all too easy and just keep going? Can I live a life where there is no trust?
He says he can stop. He has taken steps to have himself excluded from the 2 main betting sites that he uses. I’m looking into getting a betting blocker put on our laptop. He’s making all the right noises. He’s feeling sorry (for himself) he hates what he’s done. He wishes he could go back in time and change it. He says he can stop because the only reason he kept going was because he thought he could win the money back and never have to tell me. He’s ashamed and humilated but is that enough?
I have no idea what i’m doing with this. I’ve alwasy been worried about him cheating with a woman. Not with money. I don’t know how to deal with this. I just want to do the right thing to protect my son. I suppose I’m not sure if we love each other enough to fight as a team and get through this. He has a difficult family life and finds it hard to communicate with me and has abandoment issues from his mother.
This is mental. I don’t even hate him for it. I feel sorry for what he must have been going through. Should I feel sorry for him? What am I meant to feel? What am I meant to say? What am I meant to do?
Please someone give me advice or enlighten me. I just don’t know anything anymore
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