[mairisophie]

Hi i am new to this site. I have been seperated from my cg husband for over a year. In that time he got a flat which he rents and has had a couple of jobs on and off. He lost everything a couple of years ago. He had a business and ended up basically gambling away the takings. The business was taken over by another company and he stole thousands of pounds from it to gamble. I had to take out loans a couple of yrs ago to keep him from going to jail, so i paid them back. Crazy, i know now. Never again. During the last two yrs he has hardly provided any money to our children aged 4&6. There was always some excuse as to why he didnt have any money. Deep down i know he must have still been gambling. I had to sell our house and have actually been getting on great with just the kids in our current house. At the beginning it was like a big lift was taken off my shoulders. He doesnt have anything now. He has been helped a little by his parents and his brother to pay his rent and buy foodfor him. For the last few months he seems to be doing okay. We would pop over to visit (with the kids) and they would stay one night a week which they have been great with and seemed to cope well. Anyway, last week he gambled away the last of his wages which has left him with nothing. No money for food or rent. I told his parents and his mum sent him a text to say that he was disgusting and that they will never speak to him again and that they hope he has a miserable xmas on his own. Wow i was shocked. I dont think that is helpful and this has added to his depression. I popped over to see him on sunday and he is very very depressed. I cant help but feel sorry for him. He is not asking me for money. He stopped asking a long time ago. He has not been to work for days. He has no food whatsoever in the fridge/cupboards. I havent seen him since sunday. But he is bound to be starving. I just really really worry for him. I know its all his own doing. he is not in contact with anyone else as he has lost all his friends. Sorry for rambling but i would like advice on what to do please. Would i still be enableing him if i bring him some food? He says he wants to go to the docs for therapy but its always talk and no action. I cant help worrying about him…….thanks. Mairi.

[velvet]

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Hello Mairi

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

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[velvet]

Hi Mairi
I agree your mother-in-laws attitude seems rather cruel but of course I cannot judge as I am sure she is at her wits end and saying those words probably made her very unhappy.
In my opinion, I don’t believe that giving actual food to a person who must be hungry is enablement. If it was me I would give him bread, beans, eggs, milk and basic things that contained goodness for his body but nothing that he could sell.
He doesn’t need to go to a doctor for therapy, he can get support from Gamblers Anonymous (GA) and/or if he is in the UK there is a wonderful rehab, run by the Gordon Moody Association, details of which are in the section below entitled GMA residential treatment Q&A. You can also get information on the rehab from our Helpline.
I appreciate why you are worried about him. I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled even if it has talked about it before with no action – rock bottoms come for different people at different times and nobody can tell when a real recovery is possible. My CG was in a desperate state when he changed his life, so I know it can be done.
I can hear that you know what enablement is but I will reiterate that giving him cash will not help him; it will only keep him in his addictive behaviour. I believe in giving directions to good support to CGs because they often don’t know where to go for it and he may be willing to listen at last.
I hope you keep posting, you have been through a terrible experience and I believe it helps to know that you are talking to people who understand ‘you’.
Velvet

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