[benok]

Hello Everyone,
This is my first time posting in this site. Let me open up this topic by asking forgiveness to all the people that I hurt so much because of my compulsive gambling problem. Second I want to ask help from whoever can give me any support, advice or anything that will enlighten me or at least lighten the burden that I am going through right now. I can’t believed I was capable of doing those things that I just did. I always lied, I spent all my earnings in gambling thinking only myself ang forget about the welfare of my children and my family, borrowed money that I cannot pay and the worst is stealing money from my family just to sustain gambling. I’m a professional very educated person that’s why they won’t suspect me for stealing  but at they end they found out that I was the one who did it. Everybody got mad at me, they kicked me out of the house. It’s been a week that I am living in my car. I’m literally homeless, with no money. I don’t know how to manage to still go to work everyday, going to work very early to fix myself before everybody shows up and leaving late to fix myself again for the night. The feeling of guilt kills me, I’m always thinking of killing myself for punishment but still my consience prevailed not to do it. I forgot our God when I did those shameful things but now it’s only Him our Lord who is with me in my journey. It’s true that everybody will leave you but the Lord will never leave you nor forsake you. He is the only one that I can relate to since nobody believes in me anymore. Hopefully I can still manage to live in my car until the next payday so that I can look for a place to stay. This is a big hard lesson for me, I am trying to pick myself up and hopefully I will be able to start anew and get rid of my gambling problem. I know it will be very hard for me especially now that I don’t have anybody but myself and we knew how this disease attacks us, how the urges blows our mind out of control. But prayers and the Lord will still keep my sanity for now. I just want to request everybody to please include me in your prayers, that I will be able to bear all the hardships and sufferings I’m going through right. Thank you very much and God Bless Us All.
Benok
 
 I can do it…..

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